Shakesville

Question of the Day

2012-01-30T18:00:00.001-06:00

Suggested by Shaker theatomicgal: What or who gives you courage?

I don't know that I've ever demonstrated courage, but in times I've demonstrated anything resembling it, what has given it to me is necessity.

I guess that's a pretty boring and uninspiring answer, but it's honest.

Big Time Presidential Nooz!

2012-01-30T17:30:00.002-06:00

ABC: Donald Trump Staff in Talks With Financiers, Campaign Managers to Explore Third Party Bid.

Ha ha PERFECT.

Chipping Away at Breast Healthcare

2012-01-30T16:58:00.000-06:00

by Shaker Jane, a proud abortioneer who is grateful every day for her Planned Parenthood colleagues and their work to protect reproductive rights.

[Content Note: This post discusses reproductive rights (de)funding.]

Late last year, leaders from Susan G. Komen for the Cure met to discuss their decision to end the breast health care funding received by one of the foundation's largest grantees. There were no findings of patient dissatisfaction, clinical errors, or financial mismanagement, but the decision was final: Patients seen in 2012 will be the last to receive Komen-funded care.

Wondering why Komen will no longer support these lifesaving cancer screenings and breast health education sessions? Because they're provided by the highly trained doctors, nurses, and medical assistants at Planned Parenthood health centers.

Until now, Komen stood by the grants it gave to Planned Parenthood—over the past five years, between $500,000 and $700,000 that helped affiliates like mine to provide nearly 170,000 clinical breast exams and referrals for more than 6,000 mammograms. Komen grants funded care for people in rural, low-income, and underserved communities, where Planned Parenthood is often the only source of health care.

Opponents of safe, legal abortion care, who consistently put their narrow political agenda ahead of our health needs, have repeatedly threatened organizations that partner with Planned Parenthood. On January 1, Komen bowed to this anti-choice pressure and added the following criteria to its funding guidelines:

• Applicant is not currently debarred from the receipt of federal or state funding.

• No key personnel of applicant or any of its affiliates has been convicted of fraud or a crime involving any other financial or administrative impropriety within the last year.

• Applicant or any of its affiliates is not currently under a local, state or federal formal investigation for financial or administrative impropriety or fraud. ("Affiliate" means any entities that control, are controlled by, or are under the same control as applicant or independent entities operating under the same name or brand as applicant.)

Each of the new requirements clearly targets Planned Parenthood, referencing continued defunding efforts and the ongoing Congressional investigation launched by Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-[insert cleverly contemptuous "r" adjective here]).

Ironically, even by these politically motivated measures, we're still eligible, but Komen appears unwilling to discuss the issue, despite numerous requests from Planned Parenthood Federation of America president Cecile Richards, and donors and supporters of both organizations.

As the nation's largest reproductive health provider, our primary concern is always our patients, who desperately need the services Komen grants support. We're working with other funders to fill the gaps in care that Komen's decision creates, and our donors and advocates have pledged to support us as we try to replace these critical funds to ensure that our patients continue to get the care they need without interruption or delay.

So get out your teaspoons! Call your local Komen office (find yours here) and let them know what you think of their new funding guidelines. Donate to your community's Planned Parenthood (find yours here) and ask that your gift be put toward unfunded breast health care. And breast-havers, do your annual self-exam!

[Commenting Note from Liss: There are legitimate criticisms to be made about some of Komen's awareness- and fund-raising strategies. This is not the thread for that discussion.]

Photo of the Day

2012-01-30T16:10:00.001-06:00

I was interviewed today for a piece about Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and so I've spent much of my afternoon thinking about Clinton's capacity to inspire passionate support and visceral hatred, and what she's meant to and for women. I was reminded of this wire photo from last month, which is almost certainly worth my thousand words and then some.

US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, center, is flanked by Lithuania's Foreign Affairs Minister Audronius Azubalis, right, and Lithuania's President Dalia Grybauskaite, left, as they attend an international conference of the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE), Tuesday, Dec. 6, 2011, in Vilnius, Lithuania. [AP Photo]

The way President Grybauskaite is looking at her! She's Lithuania's first female president and naturally has been dubbed the "Iron Lady." I can only imagine standing beside one another, they both feel the world-vanishing intimacy of secret familiarity that only orphaned members of the same diasporic tribe can truly understand. TWO GELFLINGS!

Quote of the Day

2012-01-30T14:30:00.000-06:00

[Content Note: Reference to sexual violence.]

"Obama can sit there and let all the [Bush tax cuts] lapse, and then the Republicans will have enough votes in the Senate in 2014 to impeach. The last year, he's gone into this huddle where he does everything by executive order. He's made no effort to work with Congress."—Grover Norquist.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By way of reminder, Grover Norquist is the fuckbrain who once famously said: "Bipartisanship is another name for date rape."

Now he's complaining that BARACK OBAMA isn't bipartisan enough. LOL. Okay, player.

[H/T to Mustang Bobby.]

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-30T13:58:00.000-06:00

Weekend Doggehs!

Lord Dudlington

Lady Zellyworth

Besties

Monday Blogaround

2012-01-30T13:34:00.000-06:00

This blogaround brought to you by beautiful portraits of Robert Pattinson.

Recommended Reading:

Joe: Hull House Dies After 122 Years

Eesha: Housing Department Introduces New LGBT Protections

Susie: Priorities

Philippa: 3 Days [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of disablism and includes a reference to self-harm. As it is a UK-centric post, it uses disability language that may sound discordant to non-UK readers.]

Garland: A Keen Observation about Leslie and Ron [for the Parks-n-Rec Headz]

Renee: Sometimes Mommies and Daddies Need Time Alone

Mary: The 44th Down Under Feminists Carnival

Sean: Mind = Blown

Dave: "He don't look like Torty."

Kelsey: Beautiful Day at the Dog Park

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Fat News!

2012-01-30T11:40:00.001-06:00

[Content Note: This post contains discussion of news items that include fat hatred and/or body policing.]

There's so much Fat News today, I can hardly stand it! (No, really. I can't stand it. Barf. Barf cake all over everything.)

First! Shaker Elky forwarded this item about a New York-based gym chain, New York Sports Club, taking out an ad in the New York Times, ostensibly addressed to Paula Deen, reading: "Paula, you made a fortune off of fat. Call us if you want to be around to enjoy it."

You know, one of the main criticisms of Paula Deen has been that she did not disclose her diabetes diagnosis immediately upon receiving it, and I will just reiterate, once again, that it might be worth considering whether Deen didn't disclose having diabetes because fat people who disclose "fat diseases" are viciously mocked.

And it doesn't matter if you're a "fat pusher," as Deen is erroneously accused of being, if you're a diet- and surgery-proponent, if you're a Health at Every Size advocate, and/or if you're a person who fervently believes that being fat is nobody's business but one's own: No matter what position you take on fatness, if you are yourself fat, your position will be exploited in some way to make hay about the fact that you're gonna die because of your fatty-fattitude.

Paula Deen had to know as well as anyone, and better than most, this would be coming whenever she did disclose her diabetes.

So the next time you hear someone snort derisively about how she only made public her illness after making a business deal that ethically required its disclosure, point them in the direction of that ugly-ass ad and say, "If I had to navigate that sort of shit, I'd wait until I was getting paid to do it, too."

Second! Shaker George sent along this article underlining the manifest absurdity of the labeling of children as "obese" according to arbitrary standards that don't properly account for the unpredictability and individuality of childhood growth spurts and fail utterly to account for natural variation across a population.

Four-year-old Logan Knowles's mother was stunned when she received a letter from the NHS saying he was 'clinically obese'. The letter warned that the little boy was so 'overweight' he was at risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

At 2st 12lb, Logan is three pounds outside the recommended weight range for his age, which is between 2st 1lb and 2st 9lb.

Logan's mother Stefanie Mrozowski, 29, said she was 'furious' he had been labelled obese... The stay-at-home mother, who also has two daughters Taiyla, 11, and Sydanie, ten, said labelling children obese while they were still growing was 'dangerous' and could lead to them developing eating disorders.

"Kids these days have enough pressure to be the right size from magazines and TV," Miss Mrozowski said. "They don't need it at school as well. After she was weighed, my eldest daughter came home saying, 'Mum, I'm the thinnest in my class.' I was furious. She is 11 years old. I don't want my kids coming home talking about how much they weigh, or thinking it's some kind of competition."

Right on.

Shades of the Georgia campaign targeting fat kids. Which brings me to...

Third! Some good news: Shaker Beth_in_Mpls emailed: "Marilyn Wann has created a Tumblr site 'Stand4Kids' and a poster template for personal photos and accompanying messages responding to the terrible Georgia campaign that shames fat kids. ... People who want to participate can send their photo and their message 'I Stand for...' to marilyn[at]fatso[dot]com."

Fourth! I wish I could end on an up-note, but I guess that just wouldn't be realistic, anyway, now would it? Shaker Heidi forwarded this piece in which a columnist for a local paper defends his fat joke about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie with a charming column delightfully headlined "Fat Guy Deserved Potshot." Oh, well, as long as he DESERVED it!

My favorite part of the piece has to be the closing shot:

Compared to the temporary gratification of tossing down a pack of Twinkies, cutting your risk of heart attack, stroke and cancer seems like the ultimate no-brainer.

Seriously, I cannot even begin to say how tired I am of people being SO GODDAMNED SURE they know what fat people eat, as if every fat person in the world is fat for exactly the same reason.

The best parts about this argument, by the way, are:

1. Lots of behaviors reduce the risk of heart attack, stroke, and cancer (including being slightly fat! but only in the right way!), and there are vanishingly few people who are engaging in all of them at all times. Singling out fatties is straight-up lookism. Your failure to be perfect is more of a problem because you're GROSS! It's also a way of futilely pretending we've got more control over preventing disease through diet than we probably really do.

2. If a fat person really can't prioritize hir health (and, no, possibly "reducing your risk" of things that some fat people get doesn't count) over "tossing down a pack of Twinkies," that is very likely evidence of disordered eating, making what this jackass is saying akin to saying to someone who is experiencing life-threatening medical complications because of anorexia, "Putting a sandwich in your face is the ultimate no-brainer!"

Which maybe this guy is insensitive enough to say in his column. But somehow I doubt it.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-30T11:00:00.004-06:00

Colton Ford: "Losing My Religion"

Primarily Bored

2012-01-30T09:53:00.002-06:00

"Hurry! The bus to hell is here!"
Y'all, I am so tired of this primary. There is only so much enthusiasm that one Melissa McEwan can generate over a contest between two super privileged white dudes to determine which super privileged white dude will become the next Republican nominee in a race to see if their corporate shill can defeat the Democrats' corporate shill and accelerate the pace at which this nation will be brought to grim ruination at the avaristic hands of soulless corporations.

Social Security: Sponsored by Sprint!

You know what the worst thing about a joke like "Social Security: Sponsored by Sprint!" is...? That Sprint would never sponsor Social Security. It would just dismantle it and instead sponsor Sprint's Happy Funtime Work Camps for the Aged and Infirm!

Play in the news, Nero...

Frontrunners Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are neck-and-neck in Florida, ahead of its primary tomorrow. Or they're not, depending on who you ask. If you ask me, Romney is totally ahead and he's going to win, and then this thing should be over, but it probably won't be, because some rich weirdo is going to keep funding Gingrich's SuperPAC, and Gingrich will keep running as long as he's got money he can't spend at Tiffany's.

Reporteth the Wall Street Journal : "Gingrich Predicts 'Straight-Out Contest' for Months."

See?

And when he inevitably keeps hanging in there, lobbing round after round of criticism at Mitt Romney, hoping to defeat him, and Mitt Romney starts stomping on sour grapes to make whine about how Newt Gingrich is hurting his chances in the general election by forcing him to run a long and contentious primary contest, let us remember that is not only evidence of Mitt Romney's bratty entitlement, but of his resounding contempt for democracy.

Speaking of hostility to authentic democracy, something something Ron Paul.

Rick Santorum is one of two Catholics in this now 50% Catholic content, the other being Newt Gingrich. (Ron Paul is a Baptist, and, as you may have heard, Mitt Romney is a Mormon. President Obama, is, of course, a Muslin.) So it was a cool boost for the Catholic candidates this weekend when Catholic bishops and priests read out letters of protest at mass this weekend, vilifying the Obama administration's policy of paid birth control coverage. Neato! I continue to be thrilled that religious institutions are afforded tax exempt status!

POP QUIZ: Is it possible for a man obsessed with biparisanship to be an effective president in an age of hyper-partisanship?

If you said no, give yourself 1,000 points, redeemable at Shakesville's Bitter Irony Shop.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

[Photo via.]

News from Shakes Manor

2012-01-30T08:47:00.000-06:00

This weekend, while Kenny Blogginz was over and we were looking for a suitably terrible film for all of us to enjoy, Iain was scrolling through Netflix and put on a mystery film while I was out of the room, which I was to identify upon my return.

Within 10 seconds, I'd guessed it was a Nicolas Cage film.

Iain and KBlogz were impressed. "How'd you get it so fast?!" Iain exclaimed.

I shrugged. "Basic math: Jewel-encrusted book + fingerless gloves."

"She's a black magic woman!"

Open Thread

2012-01-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by Beetlejuice.

Sunday Shuffle

2012-01-29T11:17:00.001-06:00

The Dream Academy; Life in a Northern Town

How about you?

Open Thread

2012-01-29T08:00:00.001-06:00

Hosted by the Absolute Beginners Soundtrack.

This week's open threads have been brought to you by more albums I bought in high school.

Open Thread

2012-01-28T08:00:00.001-06:00

Hosted by Various Artists.

The Virtual Pub Is Open

2012-01-27T17:00:00.000-06:00

[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

How to End the Week

2012-01-27T16:02:00.000-06:00

You need to go no further than a post dedicated to famous paintings improved by cats. Below is my personal favorite.

2FA, #9

2012-01-27T15:30:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Day

2012-01-27T14:48:00.001-06:00

"In a new Star Wars game, the biggest threat to the empire may be homosexual activists!" — Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council going all Bib Fortuna over the news that software developer Bioware will allow same-sex relationships in Star Wars: The Old Republic.

See also.

Number of the Day

2012-01-27T14:40:00.000-06:00

Zero: The number of shits I give about any defense of Ron Paul that tries to argue he didn't know full well what the content was of the racist newsletters that bore his name and signature.

I will say again: Does anyone seriously think that radical feminist literature could have been distributed under his name by an organization with which he was affiliated without his knowledge?

That's rhetorical.

And it puts paid to the lie that he was an innocent bystander to the distribution of that racist swill.

If You've Got Some Time...

2012-01-27T14:22:00.000-06:00

The Shelter Pet Project, about which I've written before (but with which I'm not affiliated in any way), shared this great pet adoption ad today:

Video Description: Pet adoption ad for a black lab named Patrick, aka Agent K9, done in the style of a secret agent movie trailer, complete with music that wouldn't be out of place in a Bond or Mission: Impossible film. Patrick, the ad tells us, is "on his most extraordinary mission yet...finding his forever home."

It's a really great ad, both funny and touching, and, as I was watching it, I was thinking how very lucky Patrick is to have someone with the time and talent to make that video on his behalf, since good marketing helps find homes for shelter and rescue pets. Even if it's just a great photograph.

Zelly, the quiet little shelter dog who didn't even have a name, had little hope of finding a home—a dark mutt with dark eyes in a dark corner of a sad place. She was hard to see in her cage; she had no picture on a website, not even a shitty one; she certainly had no engaging video encouraging potential adopters to see what she might look like as part of their family. No one paid her any attention that day except me.

But maybe they would have, if they'd first seen the sorts of photos and videos I post of her now, through which all sorts of people have fallen for her. (And oh how she deserves their affection!)

So, hey, if you've got some free time, a teaspoon itching to be used, and some basic photography and/or video skills, consider heading over to your local shelter or rescue to see if you can help save some lives, by showing what valuable lives they really are.

[Previously: Greyhound Rescue, Number of the Day.]

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-27T13:30:00.000-06:00

Today, Matilda's mobile groomer came to the house to give her a bath and trim her grody butt, since Tils can't be bothered to clean herself and would sooner destroy my soul than let me do it. She is now in her favorite corner of the loft, pouting and gazing upon the rest of us with haughty disdain.

In other words: Situation Normal.

The Parks and Rec Open Thread

2012-01-27T12:56:00.000-06:00

Ron Swanson, at his favorite restaurant in Pawnee.
By popular demand, here it is: The Parks and Recreation Open Thread! Yay! I am so excited to talk about Parks and Rec with other parksnrecheadz! Woo!

There are more spoilers herein than there is love for Li'l Sebastian in Pawnee. Which is A LOT, as I don't have to tell you.

I totes loved this episode silly, and I'm probably not as embarrassed as I should be to tell you that I blubbed my face off when April gave Chris the tickets, and there were three of them. You did it to me again, Parks and Rec!

Also: Hurt fingy!

VOTE KNOPE!

Friday Blogaround

2012-01-27T12:19:00.000-06:00

This blogaround brought to you by cheese.

Recommended Reading:

Shark-fu: Targets [Content Note: The link at this post discusses violent imagery.]

Brian: Do Apple, Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo Really Care? Do We? [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of worker exploitation and abuse.]

Avedon: But if the Democratic leadership is manifestly unliberal, as it certainly is, why would we want to defend them?

Tami: The Assumptions Behind the 'Black Marriage Crisis'

Adrienne: Complicating the 2010 US Census Native Data

Jim: By Axing Public Parks, Politicos Are Stealing the People's Property

Eric: Our Dog Giselle [Content Note: The post at this link contains discussion of animal neglect and illness.]

TDW: World's Longest-Running Experiment

Andy: 130 Years of Global Warming, Mapped

Lastly, Elle shares a mean scalloped potatoes recipe. Yum!

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Texting! With Liss and Deeky!

2012-01-27T11:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I changed my Twitter avatar from an image of a "shift" typewriter key to a picture of me. I realized as soon as I'd changed it that it made me harder to spot, among a sea of similar avatars, so I was going to have to change it again. But before I could, Deeky texted me this morning to register a complaint about it.

My new avatar.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-27T10:30:00.000-06:00

Fischerspooner: "The Best Revenge"

Project Runway All-Stars: Open Thread

2012-01-27T09:38:00.000-06:00

(Spoilers are making it work herein.)

Primarily Horrendo

2012-01-27T08:48:00.001-06:00

[Content Note: This post contains discussion of disablism and of the Mormon practice of nonconsensual posthumous baptism.]

"I will keel you!"
So, the Republicans had ANOTHER DEBATE! last night, because, little known fact, standing in front of cameras with 6,000 CNN logos behind you has been found to extend life. Each of these men will live to be at least 200 years old.

Anyway! Mitt Romney went after Newt Gingrich like a full-tilt miffed machine, and delivered the world-class snippiness that only a wealthy white dude who's ordered chocolate chip cookies (effortlessly winning the Republican Primary) but gets served oatmeal raisin cookies (having to work for it) can produce. My favorite line of the evening was: "I spent 25 years in business. If I had a business executive come to me and say they wanted to spend a few hundred billion dollars to put a colony on the moon, I'd say, 'You're fired.' The idea that corporate America wants to go off to the moon and build a colony there, it may be a big idea but it's not a good idea." BURN!

He has a point, though. Corporate America doesn't even want to maintain the colonies here, so it doesn't seem very likely they'll want to build one on the moon.

"Inconceivably, we have even less interest in the moon than in Detroit."—Big Business.

If you want more Funtime Debate Action, Richard Adams' live coverage can be read here. It is, as usual, very enjoyable!

Back on the campaign trail, the Republican Establishment, who's decided Mitt Romney looks pretty good after all if Newt Gingrich is the only other viable option, has decided on its "Fuck Newt" strategy, and it's a doozy: Newt Gingrich is crazy.

The Romney campaign is sending out a print ad that seeks to "rais[e] doubts about Newt Gingrich's 'emotional stability'," and dog whistles cuckoo by calling him, in big block letters, ERRATIC and RECKLESS.

(The main picture of Gingrich, viewable at the link, is also cropped to make maximum hay of the fact that he is fat: "Look at the double chin on this guy!")

Elder GOP statesman and Viagra spokesboner, Bob Dole, who endorsed Romney, is doubling-down with the implications that Gingrich isn't of sound mind, releasing one of the most scathing statements against a member of one's own party I can recall. In the statement, Dole says that Gingrich's ideas as Speaker were "off the wall," and suggests Gingrich himself doesn't even understand why he does things. The statement is brutally honest about Gingrich's ethics problems, ego, and poisonous unpopularity, but there's definitely a troubling undercurrent of "bro be crazy!" running through it.

Meanwhile, on the "Fuck Romney" train, there's more natter about one of the more curious aspects of Mormonism—the practice of posthumous baptism, which is something Romney has said he's done. It's a controversial practice for several legitimate reasons, not just because it's "weird." It's an anti-Semitic practice for one, in habit if not design, as Jewish cemeteries are frequent targets for posthumous baptism, despite repeated requests by Jewish leaders to cease and desist.

I also find it really objectionable that Mitt Romney doesn't consider deeply problematic what is ultimately an issue of consent. Look, I don't believe that performing some ritual over a grave makes a blinking bit of difference in determining where some allegedly sentient soul that vacated the buried body spends its eternal retirement. But Mitt Romney does. He believes that person went into the ground with one belief, and he can change their infinite destiny for them. And he believes he has the right to do that. Which is pretty fucked up.

And it doesn't leave me with a whole lot of confidence that a President Mitt Romney would be very sensitive to other issues of consent that matter in the here and now.

That's something worth asking about. But won't be, because we live in a rape culture, where hostility to consent is the norm.

Also because how could they possibly make room for a question on such a SILLY TOPIC, ha ha, when there are only like 3,000 debates left?!

Moving on...

Something something Ron Paul.

Rick Santorum is still hanging in there, I guess because he believes he actually has a shot at becoming either the nominee and/or the nominee's veep choice? Oof, Rick Santorum. You do not have a shot at either of these things.

In totally unrelated news, ahem, a new study has found that "there is reason to believe that strict right-wing ideology might appeal to those who have trouble grasping the complexity of the world." Huh. Shocking.

In all seriousness, the study was examining correlation between IQ and prejudice, suggesting conservatism and prejudice is an innate intelligence issue. But we should all know by now that IQ tests don't meaningfully measure any kind of comprehensive intelligence. The issue underlying the appeal of right-wing ideology is intellectual curiosity, or the lack thereof, which is really not contingent on what's measured with IQ tests.

There are subcultures that actively discourage intellectual curiosity, by demonizing science, by romanticizing segregationist small-town life, by sneering at people perceived to be elite or over-educated, by framing education as the enemy of faith, by embracing isolationism. Even rape culture narratives are embedded with disincentives against adventure: Don't leave the safety of your home, neighborhood, town, county, state, nation because there are nefarious strangers waiting to get you! And for god's sake don't use the internet!

All of these things conspire to create a mind seized with fear, afraid to be curious. Curiosity is necessary for empathy, and empathy necessary for progressive positions.

Conservatives are not unintelligent by nature; they're incurious by design.

That's an important distinction.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

[Photo via.]

Open Thread

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by Allee Willis and Pee-Wee Herman.

Question of the Day

2012-01-26T17:17:00.001-06:00

Which is your favorite Ewok movie? Caravan of Courage or The Battle For Endor?

I'd go with The Battle For Endor, because Wilford Brimley is in it. So, no doy. Also, check out this awesome poster:

See also.

Film Corner! Moses Time

2012-01-26T16:00:00.000-06:00

Hey, remember when I wrote about all those Bible-inspired movies that various Hollywood muckety-mucks had in their pipelines of totally unoriginal material that definitely needs to be put on the big screen...? Well, GOOD NEWS: Steven Spielberg is closing in on a commitment to direct an epic about Moses for Warner Bros.

With a working title of Gods And Kings, what's envisioned is "a movie like a Braveheart-ish version of the Moses story," an insider tells us. "Him coming down the river, being adopted, leaving his home, forming an army, and getting the Ten Commandments." ... But this film is as far from a remake of the Cecile B. DeMille-directed epic as you can get even though they cover similar ground. Instead Warner Bros wants Spielberg to direct it with the gritty reality of Saving Private Ryan, which is considered a masterpiece redefining battle movies. "There have been glossy versions of the Moses story but this would be a real warrior story," an insider tells us.

Perfect.

The only question now is who should play this Braveheart-like Moses. Can't be Mel Gibson, since he's busy making his movie about the story of Hanukkah. Oh, and also, he's a raging anti-Semite!

In the well-established tradition of casting the whitest white man who ever whited to play any Biblical character, I'm going to predict Sir Sam Worthington to be cast as Moses.

Fantasy Casting: Jeff Goldblum.

LOL!

2012-01-26T14:36:00.000-06:00

Igor at Think Progress: Romney Steps Up Culture War; Claims Obama Is Waging 'An Assault on Religion'.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA GASP! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA GASP! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA GASP! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA SNORT!

Yes, everywhere I look there is evidence we are about to become a godless society, like: Our Christian president, our last Christian president, their almost exclusively Christian administrations who relentlessly pander to conservative and/or moderate Christians, the almost totally Christian Supreme Court, an almost entirely Christian Congress who start each session with a prayer, the millions and millions of other American Christians whose day of worship is still respected in various state laws across the country (like in Indiana, where you still can't shop for a car or buy booze on a Sunday), whose views are reflected in various federal laws (like denying same-sex couples the right of marriage in order to protect its "sanctity"), whose holidays are also national holidays, whose holy book must be sworn on in state and federal courts, and whose churches are not required to pay taxes, guaranteed freedom of religion, money that says "In God We Trust," a pledge of allegiance that describes us as "one nation under God," television networks who will accept advertising from conservative religious groups but not liberal political groups, schools who are incorporating a religious belief into science classes, conscience clauses for pharmacists and healthcare providers, religion-based residential communities being built, religious museums and amusement parks springing up all over the country, religious leaders being given diplomatic immunity, faith-based initiatives being federally funded, and our national media being constantly embroiled in a debate about in which god the president believes.

We are on the precipice, people!

*clunk*

You Know...

2012-01-26T13:53:00.000-06:00

...what I'm really tired of reading about? Some famous dude who's having all kinds of angst because his famous wife is more famous than he is.

If I had a dollar for every time I've read the construction, "He was the more famous of the two when they met, and now his career is on the wane while her star has continued to rise," I would have lots of dollars!

I'm sure in my history of reading things, I've read the reverse—wife can't take being eclipsed by husband's career. But I sure can't remember it.

(That is not, by the way, an invitation to offer up exceptions to the rule. I'm just making the point that it is, indeed, an exception to the rule. The very, very annoying rule.)

I'm not primarily directing my ire at the dudes about whom this is written, since who knows if it's even true, though it gets printed like it is; I know lots of straight/bi men whose wives are more well-known and/or make more money than they do who are super proud of their wives and not remotely threatened by a career disparity that doesn't conform to retrofuck notions of gender (im)balance.

A few famous dudes end up in "she's trouncing me!" stories, however, because they've said as much themselves in interviews, matter-of-factly, like, Of course it pisses me off and makes me feel small and kills my boner that my wife/girlfriend is more successful than I am. Have you not noticed that I am a man?

But it's more just that this shit gets printed at all, and the fact that it's still so easy for so many people to believe, in the year 2012, that OBVIOUSLY any man would be emasculated by a wife who surpasses him in any demonstrable way.

Oh, pardon me—not any demonstrable way. Straight/bi women are still allowed to be better than their husbands at "female" tasks, like changing diapers or cleaning the house. We're just not allowed to be better than our husbands at Man Stuff, like a career.

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-26T13:06:00.000-06:00

Dudley, as I may have mentioned once or twice or three thousand times, is a lazy git. The other night, he was lying on the loveseat, and Zelda wanted to play tug-o-war with him, but instead of getting up off his lazy ass to play with her, he stayed put, trying to play with her from his repose, while she valiantly struggled to convince him to get with the program.

(Set to a section of William Shatner's original self-authored track, "Struggle." Which, by the way, is amazing.)

Video Description: Zelly carries a long, stuffing-free plushy skunk in her mouth over to Dudley, who's lying on the loveseat. He takes the opposite end in his mouth and they wrestle with it, Zelly pulling backwards to try to get him off the couch. He drops the end. She picks it up and offers it back to him. Rinse. Repeat. She tries spinning in a circle. Another circle. Offers him the skunk again. She drops it and they nuzzle. She picks it up again. Circle. Offer. He takes it. He wrestles with her half-heartedly. Drops it. She offers it again. He licks himself disinterestedly, then flops over. He paws at her; she sneaks underneath his paw and gives herself butt-scratches using his lazy paws. (Hilarious.) Then she drops the skunk and walks away. "Welp, at least I got some butt-scratches out of the deal!"

Continuing on the theme of laziness, this is what I discovered when I walked upstairs into the loft last night:

He literally will not move ANYTHING that is in his way when he wants to lie somewhere. There was once a piece of paper, a single looseleaf piece of notepaper, lying on the downstairs loveseat, and instead of moving it, he sat in front of the loveseat and whined like the giant baby that he is until I got up and moved it for him.

Meanwhile, here's Zelly this morning, looking cute as she surveys the yard to make sure the homestead is safe from wind-caught plastic bags, squirrels, and other ne'er-do-wells.

Truly, I will never get over the irresistible cuteness of those Dorito ears. NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Quote of the Day

2012-01-26T12:22:00.001-06:00

"Despite the anger of the homosexual community, the anus is not a vagina." — Patrick Wooden, in an interview with Peter LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality.

Okay then.

That's a Big Teaspoon

2012-01-26T11:34:00.000-06:00

Gates donates $750 million to fight AIDS, TB, and malaria.

Yeah, I know all the "drop in the bucket of his fortune" and "tax deductible" and "Windows stinks" stuff that inevitably goes along with anything good Gates does, but I don't give a shit. Anyone who doesn't think giving more than a billion dollars to fight global disease is fucking cool, irrespective of whatever legit and totally stupid caveats one might make, is too cynical for my comprehension.

Bill and Melinda Gates have a mighty big teaspoon, and they know how to use it.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-26T11:00:00.007-06:00

Crackerjack Junction: "The Ewok Celebration Song"

Top Chef: Texas Open Thread

2012-01-26T10:00:00.009-06:00

Guest judges Robocop and Jimmy (A Unicorn) do not like your donuts!
Top Chef is an American reality competition show that airs on the cable television network Bravo, in which chefs compete against each other in culinary challenges. They are judged by a panel of professional chefs and other notables from the food and wine industry with one or more contestants eliminated in each episode. The show is produced by Magical Elves Productions, the same company that created Project Runway.

Number of the Day

2012-01-26T09:19:00.000-06:00

1.5 million: The number of women and other people with uteri seeking abortions who wouldn't have access to a safe one if Roe v. Wade were overturned.

Let's say, thought experiment. Let's say Roe v. Wade got overturned. There'd be 1.5 million women who had been seeking abortions who can't have a safe one. Someone will have an unsafe one and will die or be damaged for life; some women will have the child and not be capable of taking care of it. And we know that women who have unplanned pregnancies who go on to deliver have a higher risk of complications in pregnancy, high rate of pre-term birth, a higher rate of the children having behavioral difficulty, poor achievement, cycles of poverty, domestic violence. And the whole idea that somehow adoption can solve it all is just not how the American public thinks. Only 1% of women with an unplanned pregnancy go forward with adoption in the US—very, very small. And I hear it from my patients for all different reasons: they never could do it, the interesting thing they say is that they don't trust anybody else to raise their child. Will the child be loved? Will the child be well cared for? Again, it gets to the idea that they understand how important motherhood is—I don't necessarily see out there the American public ready to adopt 1 million babies. So just from a practical point of view, if you do a thought experiment of making it illegal or ridiculously more restricted than it is now, more women will die, more families will suffer, and that's not good. That is not a moral good.

—Dr. Nancy Stanwood, an obstetrician/gynecologist, abortion provider, mother, and board member with the Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health, in an interview with Lola McClure, a registered nurse, about what she does and why.

Primarily Awful

2012-01-26T08:43:00.000-06:00

Bert Shadowen of Port St. Lucie, Florida holds an American flag as he listens to remarks by Republican presidential candidate and former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum at a Treasure Coast Tea Party campaign rally in Stuart, Florida, January 24, 2012. [Reuters Pictures]

Awwwwwwwwwwwww LOL! How can we turn that frown upside-down, Mr. Shadowen? By electing Rick Santorum? Well, that's probably not going to happen. How about I get you a tin of peanuts and a nice cold soda?

That picture reminds me of this biology teacher I had in high school, Mr. Looft, who had the reputation of being a total humorless hard-ass. He was suuuuuuuuper grumpy, and he never smiled, and he always held his wiry body very rigidly under his ratty old lab coat. For some reason, my best friend and I suspected he was actually a very witty and fun-loving guy underneath that seemingly impenetrable exterior, and we undertook the challenge of unearthing his wild side.

We called him Loofty. We teased him good-naturedly about how grumpy he was. We screeched and hollered with delight when he'd do something that previous classes had received as evidence of his hardness—like the time a fish was floating belly-up in his classroom tank, and he responded to reports of its death from proximate students by marching to the tank like a drill sergeant, pulling up the sleeve of his lab coat, sticking his arm elbow-deep into the tank, and stirring so hard the fish began to swim again. "Fish ain't dead; just being lazy," he said, marching back to the front of the class. We told him he was a superhero.

One day, he came to class wearing, instead of his ancient, tattered, fatigues-green lab coat, a bright, crisp, new white lab coat. "Loofy, looking FOXY!" I said. C and I made exaggerative "sexy" gestures, hands against our foreheads as we pretended to faint, licking our index fingers and sizzling them against our butts. Loofty stopped in his tracks and looked us with his usual look of consternation, bewilderment, and disdain. I thought, for a moment, we might actually get in trouble this time. And then his face broke into a huge blushing grin, and he laughed and laughed and laughed.

He was secretly a fun dude. And also a great teacher. Loved that guy.

Anyway! To the candidates!

Heading into the Florida primary next week, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney are now virtually tied, although we've got ANOTHER DEBATE! to look forward to, which is another chance for Gingrich to distinguish himself as not-a-Mormon. What will happen in Florida?! Will it be the super rich and super privileged white guy, or the OTHER super rich and super privileged white guy? IT'S A REAL NAIL-BITER!

Gingrich thinks he can win by channeling Ronald Reagan. Romney, who everyone definitely hates, thinks he can win by not being Newt Gingrich. Good strategies, both.

Money Talk! Romney brazenly bullshits about paying a "45 or 50 percent" tax rate. Okay, player. Gingrich's SuperPAC is being bankrolled by a billionaire Las Vegas casino tycoon. I know what you're thinking—that cannot be healthy for democracy! But just think of it like this: Money is free speech, and that guy can really bellow.

Is Ron Paul even campaigning anymore? Where is he? Somebody look inside his debate jacket—I think he might have gotten lost in there.

Rick Santorum's campaign strategy continues to be positioning himself as the grossest asshole on the planet, defending TSA profiling and accusing "the left" of indoctrinating people at universities. (Hey, it's not our fault that education tends to make people more progressive, dude.) These are two of the least offensive things he's said in ages. You're really losing your horrible, horrible edge, Rick Santorum!

In other news, Jeb Bush has some hot advice about how Republicans "can win Hispanics back." Here's my hot advice: Start with not using immigrants as a political football in gross campaign ads.

Meanwhile, Fidel Castro called this Republican primary "he greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been." LOL! I guess "Work It" didn't air in Cuba.

Finally! According to the new NBC/WSJ poll: "Americans are growing more optimistic about the state of the economy and direction of the country...and President Obama is receiving better grades on his handling of the economy and job as a result." Too bad, Republicans! Looks like you just didn't ruin the country ENOUGH to beat this guy!

Sad trombones all around, I'm sure.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Open Thread

2012-01-26T08:00:00.001-06:00

Hosted by Pee-Wee Herman and Danny Elfman.

Question of the Day

2012-01-25T18:00:00.023-06:00

If you discovered a new planet, what would you name it?

I recently asked Deeky this question via text, which prompted the following exchange:

Anyway! I would totally name my planet something real snazzy and shit, like Alpha Cooter-69.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-25T17:38:00.000-06:00

"By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American."—Newt Gingrich, dreamer.

The permanent base on the moon is more likely than a two-term Newt Gingrich presidency.

News I Don't Want to Write About

2012-01-25T16:24:00.000-06:00

Here are all the news items I don't want to write about today!

[Please Note: This is sarcasm. I am actually writing about them! Mostly, I just don't have very much to say about them. Saying I don't want to write about them is just a literary conceit, which I find amusing! You are not obliged to feel the same.]

There is the news about Google's new privacy policy, which will probably be very scary and/or rage-making for some people and probably not scary and/or rage-making for others, owing to various individual thingies like privilege, personal history, and levels of cynicism regarding privacy in the technological age. I don't like it! For at least four different reasons! But I also feel very resigned about it. Google's probably counting on lots of people feeling that way, which makes me feel guilty. I'm sorry, the part of my brain that is very disappointed in me! I only have so many spoons!

There is the report, right from the Tim Geithner's mouth, that Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner prooooooobably won't be asked back by President Obama, if he is reelected. Tim Geithner says he'll do "something else." That's good. I don't really like Tim Geithner, but I would be sad if Tim Geithner just laid down on the ground and never did anything ever again just because he can't be Treasury Secretary forever.

There is the news that this jerk mayor in Connecticut has apologized "for saying that he would help Latinos in his town by eating tacos" in response "to the arrests of four East Haven police officers by FBI agents Tuesday for their alleged roles in abusing Latino residents and business owners, performing illegal searches, making false arrests and harassing immigrant rights advocates." He's very sorry. "Unfortunately, I let the stress of the situation get the best of me and inflamed what is already a serious and unfortunate situation." True Fact: Stress makes you racist, just like alcohol. No word on what Mayor Jerk T. Jerksworthy actually will do to help Latin@s in East Haven. (Resign, maybe?)

There is the terrible news that the Marine squad leader charged with alleged war crimes in connection with the Haditha massacre in Iraq has been sentenced by a US military judge to "a maximum of 90 days in prison and a reduction in pay and rank. But because of a plea deal with prosecutors, Staff Sgt. Frank G. Wuterich won't serve any time in the brig. The military judge was obligated to abide by the plea arrangement between prosecutors and the defense. In the end, Wuterich's sentence amounts to a reduction in rank—to private—and a pay cut." To paraphrase the othering parlance of my friends on the other side of the aisle, maybe "they" hate us for his freedom.

There is the settlement of $22 million for suffering inhumane treatment awarded to Stephen Slevin, who spent two years in solitary confinement in a New Mexico prison, without trial and denied necessary medical care, after being arrested in August of 2005 for driving while intoxicated. I can't decide whether it's our garbage priorities or our garbage prison system that's more screwed up. Let's call it a tie. Meanwhile, this story was filed under "Odd News."

And finally! There is the spectacular news that The Hangover 3 is close to being a sealed deal, with the impending trilogy's stars getting the big pay increases they definitely deserve. Handshake handshake backslap. Good negotiating all around, I'm sure. Couldn't happen to a nicer franchise. Barf bags for everyone!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Crazy For You

2012-01-25T15:12:00.002-06:00

An Observation: When one is a person with a psychological disorder, who has disclosed having a psychological disorder, the people who are the most inclined to invoke one's being "crazy" tend to be the least inclined to make accommodations for one's "craziness."

That is, acknowledging my "craziness" is not the prelude to addressing the specific needs my psychological disorder has created, but is instead a way of deflecting accountability for ignoring them.

"Well, you're just CRAZY!"

Uh, yeah.

Conversely, the people in my life who never even make reference to my PTSD manage to effortlessly accommodate it.

(Which basically boils down to: Don't trigger me by doing the things I have communicated are triggering.)

This ultimately means that the only time my "craziness" gets explicitly or obliquely mentioned is when someone is trying to make sure I know there's something wrong with me, in order to convince me—and reassure themselves—there's nothing wrong with them.

Thus, I try to bear in mind that being angrily dismissed as crazy is not personal.

Still. It stinks.

[Note: This has not been posted in solicitation of sympathy, but as an offer of empathy to those who have the same experience, in order that none of us need feel alone.]

Photo of the Day

2012-01-25T14:05:00.000-06:00

Lynn Coffin holds boxing hand puppets of Republican presidential candidate and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and Republican presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney during a campaign event at Dolphin Aviation on January 24, 2012 in Sarasota, Florida. [Getty Images]

Ha ha sure.

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-25T13:00:00.003-06:00

We've had quite the thunderstorm here in Ellis County, TX over the past 18 hours. On top of that, we are coming off of the worst heat wave/drought in 30 years or so. There is now a rushing river behind my parents' house, where before there was just a dry gulch. Storms after droughts spell flash-flood warnings, so that means even the kitties who usually stay outside get comfy indoor nesting areas during weather advisories. We don't want any casualties!

This was the scene at our place at 5:20 this morning, as lightning and sheets of rain raged over the floodplain outside:

Dougie, age 4: "You expect me to go squat where now?"

Frobozz, age 12: "I ain't going out there neither, human--I'm fine right here in my stroller. ANY QUESTIONS?"

Wednesday Blogaround

2012-01-25T12:33:00.000-06:00

This blogaround brought to you by fatsronauts.

Recommended Reading:

Elizabeth: Prince Fielder! [Content Note: There is discussion of weight issues and fat hatred at this link.]

Norman: Cynthia Nixon on Being Gay: "For Me, It's a Choice."

Angus: Undercover UK Police Fathered Children with Activists on Which They Were Spying

Renee: The Animal Rights Group Which Shall Not Be Named Hopes to Turn O.J Simpson's Home into a Meat is Murder Museum [Content Note: There is discussion of violence at this link.]

Anna: Booknotes: The Lives of Transgender People

Echidne: Meanwhile, in the New Egyptian Parliament [Content Note: There is discussion of institutional misogyny at this link.]

Brian: I am the 95% of dieters who regain the weight.

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

2FA, #8

2012-01-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-25T11:00:00.005-06:00

Ace of Base: "The Sign"

For Liss and Newt.

Primarily Terrible

2012-01-25T09:48:00.000-06:00

People wait to listen to Republican presidential candidate and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich speak during a campaign event at Dolphin Aviation on January 24, 2012 in Sarasota, Florida. [Getty Images]

What, no Jesus? Obviously these people aren't Real Americans.

The Big News today is, of course, that President Barack Obama has started campaigning in earnest. But there's still some dribbly tidbits from the race to find out who will be losing to him later this year...

Frontrunner Newt Gingrich is now leading nationally, which means it's time to amplify the fuckitude! (True Fact: That is also what I shout when my Journey cover band, Tim Geitner Is Stoked, takes the stage.) Expect lots and lots of racism, everywhere he goes, along the lines of this uncovered gem during his time as Speaker: "For poor minorities, entrepreneurship in small business is the key to future wealth. This is understood thoroughly by most of the Asians, partially by Latinos, and to a tragically small degree by much of the American black community."

Newt Gingrich draws such pretty pictures of people who are different from him. I love his monolithographs.

Rick Perry is still definitely out of the race. *sadface*

Mitt Romney is, perhaps you've heard, very rich. Tax returns, tithing to the Mormon Church, multiple homes. I don't know how a Republican primary got to be about how one rich asshole among a field of rich assholes is SUCH A RICH ASSHOLE, but there you go. I guess that's what happens when it's considered inappropriate to say, "Ew—he's a MORMON!" as if Mormonism is SO GRODY, even though it's no weirder than any other religion but is somehow considered by most other religious people to be unacceptably weird.

In related Romney news, the detestable Jay Leno is being sued after making a Mitt Romney joke, because he took (yet another) swipe at Sikhs in the process, reminding us once again that he is being paid millions of dollars a year to be a gross schoolyard bully.

Something something Ron Paul. Hey, know what Ron Paul and Barack Obama have in common? Neither of them gives a flying flunderton about limits on reproductive rights when they say words like "freedom."

I'm sure there is some very scintillating news about Rick Santorum in the world. I bet he's out there ruining sock garters and bowler hats for everyone, just like he's giving sweater vests a bad name. TEAM SWEATER VEST!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

So the President Gave a Speech Last Night...

2012-01-25T09:00:00.004-06:00

And I really hoped you watched it, because, if you didn't, you sure missed some exciting stuff! Like Speaker of the House John Boehner projectile vomiting chunks of half-digested star-spangled bald eagle at the OUTRAGEOUS suggestion that "shared responsibility" is an American Value. It was quite an alarming night.

Ha ha just kidding. It was a very routine evening of our Democratic president sounding more encouragingly populist than he'll ever actually be, Republicans being stony-faced monuments of contempt at the mere mention of raising taxes or federal spending to generate jobs for the working classes, and heaps of despair slowly engulfing every vaguely progressive viewer at the thought that even the President's discouragingly milquetoast proposals will be obstructed by the Republicans.

Yay for America!

The text of the President's address is here, and the text of my garbage governor's rebuttal address is here. Below are my Executive Summaries.

President Barack Obama: I killed Osama bin Laden! The American Dream is so dead, but I'm going to spend a long time now pretending with a straight face that I can revive it, if only the Republicans will behave like grown-ups and cooperate, because the one dream that ISN'T dead is my pipe-dream about radically changing the way our profoundly broken government works by scolding Congressional Republicans as if they have any shame, integrity, or decency. Taxes. Outsourcing. We'll stop outsourcing with MORE CORPORATE TAX CUTS! We'll fix unemployment with MORE EDUCATION, because the problem is definitely a lack of education and not that jobs which paid livable wages have been decimated by outsourcing, deregulation, the erosion of workers' rights to enable exploitation of skeleton staffs, and Wal-Mart running out of towns all over the nation any employer in manufacturing, production, distribution, or retail that prioritized community sustainability over ginormous profits. Teachers, amirite? Boots on the border! Clean energy. Let's do some nation-building at home. No more irresponsible homeowners! Oh, and irresponsible lenders, but DEFINITELY irresponsible homeowners. Freedom. I killed Osama bin Laden! Jesus.

Executive Notes: Barack Obama is definitely running for president! He also definitely does not think that a record number of restrictions on reproductive rights affecting more than half the nation's population is worthy of mention in a STATE OF THE UNION address. Does President Obama know that women are part of the union? I'm pretty sure he does, because I distinctly remember him noting that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is "a woman who ran against me for President." (GOOD DESCRIPTION!) See also: End Summary.

Governor Mitch Daniels: Welp, at least President Obama hasn't abandoned his wife and kids! I'm racist! President Obama is divisive! I am such a liar! "The plain truth" is something I would not recognize if knocked on my door begging to be privatized. Everything President Obama does is stupid, and I am obviously a genius because JUST LOOK AT INDIANA. President Obama stinks the end. Jesus.

Executive Notes: Mitch Daniels is a jerk.

I think Herman Cain also gave a rebuttal? On behalf of the Tea Party? Ha ha they are not a real party. And unlike CNN et. al., I'm not going to pretend like they are.

In Summation: It is very obvious, and disappointing, that the President still has not learned that Republicans cannot be reasoned with and convinced to do what is right for the country; he still believes they care about the quality of life of this nation's people (men) and just have good faith differences of opinion about how to achieve that goal. This is not the case. They exist only in service to profit-making corporations, and the nation's people (men) only matter insofar as they can be exploited to do the work from which their employers can reap profit.

A memo from the last election was revealed this week, in which Obama's senior adviser David Axelrod wrote of then-opponent Hillary Clinton: "She embodies trench warfare vs Republicans, and is consumed with beating them rather than unifying the country and building consensus to get things done. She prides herself on working the system, not changing it."

That was, of course, meant as A Terrible Thing, rather than evidence of her understanding a reality about the US government that its current president still has yet to embrace three years into his first term.

I don't know if Hillary Clinton would have been a better president than Barack Obama is, but, in some alternate universe where she is, it's probably because she is "consumed with beating them" instead of being consumed with a consensus that will never, ever, be built.

I can't be funny about this: If President Barack Obama is reelected, he has to give up the ghost of bipartisan dreams. He must instead consume himself with beating them, because this country, the people of this country, need him desperately to stop negotiating and start winning.

Open Thread

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by Boris Badenough.

State of the Union Open Thread

2012-01-24T19:30:00.014-06:00

The President's State of the Union address will begin shortly, so here's an Open Thread for all your SOTU-discussin' needs. I'll probably be live-tweeting it, by which I mean my usual commentary of snark peppered with the occasional serious policy analysis disguised as more snark.

You can watch it online here.

By way of reminder, if and when you watch my garbage governor, Mitch Daniels, deliver the GOP's rebuttal, which I don't advise, please bear in mind that he is an asshole.

[Photo via.]

Question of the Day

2012-01-24T18:00:00.009-06:00

What is the one accessory you can't live without?

Could be something practical (a belt to keep your trousers up) or something sentimental (your grandmother's ring), but in any case something that's most frequently on your person when you leave the house.

(Medical accessories that do double-duty as fashion accessories, e.g. eyeglasses or stylized canes, are of course welcome answers, but one need not feel obliged to mention them if one would rather talk about, say, one's favorite hat.)

Photo of the Day

2012-01-24T17:49:00.000-06:00

Y'all, don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure President Obama just sprouted Old Glory wings. I think our president might be an X-Man.

Alcatraz Open Thread

2012-01-24T16:28:00.000-06:00

Did you watch Alcatraz last night? What did you think of it? Did you love it? I did! I LOVED IT.

Here are the Top 5 things I loved about it (some minor spoilers):

1. I love Jorge Garcia! I love his character soooooooooo much! And the last scene, in the bedroom, you know the one I mean, where the kid says the thing, and he gets all teary? I was reelected as Mayor of Blubbington six times during that scene alone. Jorge Garcia, you are awesome.

Do you know how awesome Jorge Garcia is? I already don't even think about Hurley when I'm watching Dr. Diego Soto, and Hurley is one of my favorite things in the universe.

2. I love that Sarah Jones' character is a real female character—not a "generic" (read: male) character that's being played by a woman, but a female character who says things the way human beings socialized as women say things. That is very good writing!

3. I love that Alcatraz looks like Lost because Jack Bender is directing it. I am a fan of his directing!

4. I love that the only time any reference has been made to Jorge Garcia's weight, it was sneered out of the mouth of a horrible person. That's RIGHT! Fat hatred is a horrible thing that horrible people do!

5. Everything else!

News I Don't Want to Write About

2012-01-24T15:22:00.000-06:00

Here are all the news items I don't want to write about today!

Mitt Romney's taxes! #1 on the list of News I Don't Want to Write About! This day and every day! Who cares. He's rich, and he doesn't pay squat, because neither party has the spine to argue that filthy wealth should be taxed to blazes when there are people literally starving in the streets in this nation. "Let them eat bootstraps," says literally everyone in Congress, except Bernie Sanders.

There is the story about some fuckbrained Georgia judge who thinks that President Obama needs to show up in court to testify in a birther case. It's vanishingly unlikely that the decision will actually result in Obama's having to testify, but, if it comes to that, I vote that Obama just sends a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself with a copy of his long-form birth certificate stapled to it.

There is the swell tale of the Oklahoma state legislator who has introduced "a bill to ban the making and selling of food or products that use aborted human fetuses." You know—just in case!

(Guess what party he's in! Go on—guess! Did you guess the Republican Party? Of course you did! You're so smart. Give yourself 1,000 points!)

There is the news that Warren Buffett's oft-invoked secretary, who has a name and it's Debbie Bosanek, will attend the State of the Union address tonight in Official Gimmick Capacity. That'll be fun!

There is the news that European financial crisis will slow the global economy this year, according to the International Monetary Fund, who (futilely) urges states to jettison austerity measures in favor of investment. That would require sensible people to be in charge. Oh well!

There is the scandalous report that Jim Carrey's daughter, Jane Carrey, got SPECIAL TREATMENT from the producers of American Idol, who allegedly allowed her to avoid camping out for days in order to get a shot on the show. Listen, everyone: We can't have it both ways. We can't treat famous people, or kids of famous people, like they're our public property to be harangued and mauled every time they step in public, but also expect them to behave like average people. The nature of the celebrity machine has made life unsafe for lots of celebrities, so it's time to quit whinging about line-jumping.

There is the news that Rick Warren is "fighting obesity" at Saddleback Church. Great. WWJD? Work out with a personal trainer twice a day, no doy.

Finally, there is allllllllll the coverage of candlelight vigils and undilutedly glowing remembrances of Joe Paterno, to none of which I'm going to link. You know what? If I kicked tomorrow, and none of the people who allegedly admired me mentioned that, among my many blogging exploits, was showing my ass on issues of race, trans*fail, having to publicly jettison misogynist and disablist language from my repertoire, and other embarrassing displays of privilege and ignorance, plus ten gazillion typos, it wouldn't be honoring me: It would be dehumanizing me.

[True Fact: Deeky would definitely share all the ways I am an asshole in private, too. Which just goes to show you what a great friend he really is.]

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-24T14:34:00.000-06:00

"Tonight, the President will do what he does best. He will give a nice speech with a lot of memorable phrases. ... We'll also be treated to more divisive rhetoric from a desperate campaigner-in-chief. It's shameful for a President to use the State of the Union to divide our nation."—GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, who definitely did not pay taxes on a crystal ball last year, so I guess he's just psychic.

I myself am not able to predict the future, but I'm nonetheless going to go out on a limb and assert that Romney's prognosticator is broken.

Unless, of course, President Obama, who can hardly be said to be desperately campaigning, if the words "desperate" and "campaigning" still mean the same things they meant yesterday, breaks wildly from tradition and replaces his (frankly rather tiresome) rhetoric of unity, bipartisanship, and transcending ideological differences with "divisive rhetoric...to divide our nation."

It could happen!

Spoiler Alert: It won't.

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-24T13:30:00.001-06:00

"What?"
So, I'm out walking the dogs earlier, and they're doing their usual thing—trotting along, being no trouble, sniffing about at various Stinks of Interest as we move down the (new!) sidewalk. And we're walking, and we're walking, and, at one point, I look down to discover that the little Dorito-earned rapscallion pictured above has somehow acquired a GIANT PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN and is just happily bopping along beside me with it in her mouth.

Where this piece of chicken came from I have no idea. It probably fell out of a garbage bin into one of the lingering piles of snow at the ends of driveways, and she managed to scoop it up without missing a step.

"Eww! Where did you find that?!" I laugh-exclaimed, reaching down for it. "Drop it." She spit it into my hand and grinned. I tossed it aside, and she gave me a pitiable look. "That's grody," I told her. "I'll give you a good treat when we get home."

And so I did.

* * *

Below, a quick little video of Dudley being lazy after our incredibly taxing 15-minute walk.

Video Description: In the backyard, Zelda spins in a circle in front of Dudley, trying to get him to chase her. She darts off, while he stands there looking goofy. "Dudley," I say, and he turns to look at me with perked-up ears. "Are you gonna go for a run? Go on!" He looks around nonchalantly. "Go on, stinker." He looks at me and then yawns. I laugh. "Is that a no?" Fin.

Study: Abortion Safer Than Childbirth

2012-01-24T13:00:00.000-06:00

In what will surprise absolutely no one who knows the first thing about the reproduction of women and other people with uteri, a study by Dr. Elizabeth Raymond from Gynuity Health Projects in New York City and Dr. David Grimes of the University of North Carolina School of Medicine at Chapel Hill has found that legal abortion is safer than childbirth, having a lower mortality rate and fewer complications.

The point isn't, of course, that women and other people with uteri who want children should be persuaded to have abortions instead.

The point is that all the anti-choice rhetoric that pretends pregnancy and childbirth are no big deal, and abortion is extraordinary dangerous, is comprehensive bullshit.

Pregnancy and childbirth do carry risks, and forcing pregnant people who want abortions to face them is cruel and violent.

This is a real thing in the world

2012-01-24T12:32:00.002-06:00

"Inspired by the iconic sleeve of Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures album, this Tee incorporates Mickey's image within the graphic of the pulse of a star." Okay then!

Number of the Day

2012-01-24T11:30:00.011-06:00

10 million: The number of jobs the US labor market still needs in order to return to pre-recession employment. Heidi Shierholz at the Economic Policy Institute:

The jobs deficit left from losses in 2008 and 2009 remains well over 10 million jobs; this takes into account both the 6.1 million fewer jobs we have now than we did before the recession started, and the fact that we should have added over four million jobs over that period just to keep up with normal growth in the working age population.

In December, the addition of 200,000 jobs was heralded as strong growth, but, as the figure shows, even at that rate the United States will not return to full employment until 2019. By way of comparison, to get back to full employment by the start of 2016 – four years from now – the labor market would have to add around 320,000 jobs a month. But expectations are that sustained robust job growth is at least one year away (pdf).

I hope President Obama's got one magical speech prepared for the State of the Union tonight.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-24T11:00:00.003-06:00

Joy Division: "Transmission"

LOL!

2012-01-24T10:51:00.000-06:00

So now Newt Gingrich is a free speech crusader because the big meanie liberal media won't let him reap the benefits of his cheap applause lines.

Hilarious.

Always with the principles, this one.

In related news, I see Newt's bringing back "Language: A Key Mechanism of Control." Good times. It's like the '90s all over again!

Someone get me Ace of Base's "I Saw the Sign" on that jukebox—STAT!

If There's One Thing I've Learned...

2012-01-24T10:00:00.002-06:00

...It's that Ron Paul supporters are terrible at Photoshop. Ergo, i.e., e.g. and vis-à-vis:

Holy moly! What is going on here? A page from a coloring book and Ron Paul pointing and red boxes and another, smaller Ron Paul and a tea cup and maybe an American flag in there somewhere? Layers of flavor!

Wigs! And something about cigars. Huh? Yeah. I dunno. Does anyone want to discuss dressing a black man up like one of the Founding Fathers? No? Me either.

A flag in this one, for sure. And some text (poorly rendered) that admits voting for Ron Paul is throwing one's vote away (no doy) but that's okay because The Republic is at stake. Or something. There is also more text underneath that I can't read, so it's like a flashback to Raygun, but without any talk about Soundgarden.

Time Magazine! Yeah, Paul's supporters really like to put him on the cover of Time. There are lots and lots of variations on this out there, all of them are pretty terrible. I like this one because it features the Constitution. Ron Paul looooooves the Constitution. Too bad marriage is between one man and one woman and he can't marry it.

Whut? Sunday Sunday Sunday! This one is really in your face, isn't it? "Have we lost America?" Did you check behind the sofa? I'd check there. Stuff always gets lost behind the sofa. Also: "What's the deal with airplane food?!"

Bonus image!:

Ron Paul looking verrrry presidential. Oof. Seriously. It's like someone in the office took a picture of Del up in accounting because they were going to put his picture in the newsletter to celebrate his 15 anniversary with Tedelco Condensers Corp. (Just FYI: Tedelco Condensers Corp's motto: "Service, Selection, Value.") Next time, pick a better picture, that's all I'm saying.

News from Shakes Manor

2012-01-24T09:42:00.000-06:00

Sitting in the living room after tea, talking about what would happen if one of the enormous origin stars a billion times bigger than our sun exploded right now (like ya do)...

Iain: [Offers a really detailed and interesting thought that I'm going to reductively paraphrase as: "The gamma ray burst would destroy all life on Earth."]

Me: Wait a minute—wouldn't it just turn us all into hulks?

Iain: *makes :-| face*

The Oscars Thread

2012-01-24T08:47:00.000-06:00

Melissa McCarthy, in Bridesmaids.
So, the Oscar nominations were announced this morning, and, in Good News, the amazing Melissa McCarthy was nominated for her supporting role in Bridesmaids, and, in Bad News, "Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill" is now a Real Thing in the World. Whooooooooops!

The full list of nominations is here. Insert my standard annual commentary about the dearth of female and non-white directors and writers.

The two black women nominated, Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis, were both nominated for playing maids in The Help. I trust I don't need to explain why that is A Problem.

(Note: Bérénice Bejo, who was also nominated for a supporting role, is Argentinian, but I do not know if she identifies as a woman of color.)

The only man of color nominated in either acting category appears to be Demián Bichir, who is Latino.

Luckily, both George Clooney AND Brad Pitt are nominated for Best Actor, so I'm sure there will be PLENTY OF PRANKS at the Oscars!

Discuss.

Primarily Horrendo

2012-01-24T08:25:00.000-06:00

I know how you feel, brother.
So, the Four Horsemen of the Crapocalypse had another debate last night, because "debates" where a bunch of dudes with essentially the same policies stand behind star-spangled podiums screaming nonsense at each other is very good for democracy or whatever. I didn't watch it, because who fucking cares. But my pal Richard Adams has a great play-by-play here, if you want to feel like you were there, in the company of a witty Englishman.

Otherwise, here's my Executive Summary: Taxes, disgrace, Freddie Mac, lobbying, K Street, taxes, Ronald Reagan, Pope John Paul II, Margaret Thatcher, hey remember the 80s?!, Terry Schiavo (whut), taxes, Jesus, amen.

Everyone was on the attack against frontrunner (again) Newt Gingrich, which really forced Gingrich into doing what he does best: Shamelessly lying with a contemptuous sneer that effectively reads to dildobrainz who don't pay attention to facts that he is being honest, because who would lie that brazenly? (Newt Gingrich, that's who!) It's that utter confidence in the uninformed voter and irresponsible media that makes Gingrich dangerous. He's Teflon, baby.

And he's now leading in Florida, site of the next primary.

Meanwhile, every establishment Republican who's been whining incessantly about the likelihood of Mitt Romney getting the nomination is now shitting their sensible trousers at the possibility of a Gingrich candidacy. Whooooooooooooops we never thought THAT would happen!

To that end, Russ Douthat, still inexplicably being given page-space by the New York Times, is Calling Mitch Daniels. Ha ha you can have him! Take my governor—please!

Not for nothing, but the reason that "various capable Republicans [have decided] to forgo a presidential run this year" is because there's no point to running against President Obama, unless you're a Rick Santorum who thinks blastocysts are more important than the national economy or a Ron Paul who thinks US foreign policy is a garbage disaster (it is!) and imagine you can single-handedly reverse sixty years of industrial-military momentum in creating a perpetual war machine.

If you're just some douche in a suit who only cares about social issues insofar as they can be used as wedge issues to elicit votes from bigots and rubes, and your primary concerns are corporate cockwanking, privatization, and decimating the social safety net via austerity policy, you could hardly do better than Barack Obama.

Sure, he's no Newt Gingrich—he's more Bob Dole; Republican retro!—but giving him eight years to move the Democrats' economic platform even further to the right only accelerates the corporatocratic coup Big Business has been engineering with Republicans' assistance for the last forty years. So, why would any self-respecting Mitch Daniels or Jeb Bush run in this election and risk losing for no good reason?

And that, my friends, is why the Republican field now currently consists of a Santorum, a Ron Paul, and two egomaniacal opportunists who will do and say anything to get elected, including telling the absurd lie that President Barack Obama is a radical socialist lefty—a deceit so incredibly, laughably mendacious that Mitch Daniels and Jeb Bush couldn't even choke it out of their throats with a straight face.

In other news, blah blah Mitt Romney's taxes, Rick Santorum is still a jackass, SuperPACs are such a great idea and Newt Gingrich's is about to get a $5 million donation from one person, and something something Ron Paul.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Open Thread

2012-01-24T08:00:00.001-06:00

Hosted by Tom Waits.

Question of the Day

2012-01-23T18:00:00.012-06:00

We haven't done a "desert island" question in ages, so here we go… As always, the desert island comes equipped with a power source and kickass entertainment system.

Were you to be stranded for an indefinite period of time, which one book, one album, and one film would you want to have with you?

Book: The Complete Works of Virginia Woolf

Album: "The Very Best of Nina Simone" by Nina Simone

Film: Harold and Maude

What I'm Listening To

2012-01-23T17:30:00.003-06:00

[Content Note: The below video includes some strobe effects, which may make it not safe for anyone who experiences photosensitive epilepsy.]

The Muppets, "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Today in Rick Santorum Says Something Stupid

2012-01-23T16:49:00.000-06:00

[Content Note: This post discusses reproductive rights and sexual violence.]

Rick Santorum says lots of stupid things. I mean, he's basically a one-man stupid things saying machine. If the things that came out of his mouth were a Transformer, they'd transform into a dysfunctional hunk of stupid metal made exclusively of stupid parts with lots of little stupid bits sticking out all over it. The man is full of fuckery, is what I'm saying.

And every time he opens his mouth to disgorge another vomit-chunk of cruel, wretched, compassionless stupidity, it's somehow worse than the previously rancid pile of muck that fell from his lips after being malformed in his contemptibly antipathetic brainpan. To wit:

Standing steadfast as the most socially right-wing candidate in the GOP presidential field, Rick Santorum has repeatedly touted his extreme anti-choice position, which dictates that abortion should be uniformly illegal, even in cases of rape or incest. He even suggested that physicians who provide abortions to such victims should be criminally charged.

Last Friday, CNN's Piers Morgan asked Santorum to clarify his reasoning behind such a callous position. Insisting that "it's not a matter of religious values," Santorum explained that sexual assault victims should "accept this horribly created" pregnancy because it is "nevertheless a gift in a very broken way" and that, when it comes down to it, a victim just has "to make the best out of a bad situation":
SANTORUM: Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn't have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn't, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I've always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you. As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can't think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation.
The problem with Santorum's sense of humanity is that it doesn't seem to extend to the victim.

Yes. Indeed, that seems to be the problem with virtually every position Santorum holds: His definition of humanity almost always excludes women and other people with uteri.

As always, I do dearly love (read: detest with the fiery passion of 10,000 suns) the fact that Rick Santorum is so catastrophically incapable of self-reflection that he is able to acknowledge that rape (forcing a woman to do something with her body she doesn't want to do) is a Terrible Thing, while simultaneously asserting that the denial of abortion (forcing a woman to do something with her body she doesn't want to do) is a Moral Imperative.

I'm really hard-pressed to see why I should be any less contemptuous of a man who sits at a big mahogany desk in Washington making decisions about my body without my consent than I should be of a man who used physical force to make decisions about my body without my consent.

Undoubtedly, Mr. Santorum would be outraged and horrified to be compared, even obliquely, to a rapist.

As well he should be. I am horrified to have to make it.

Of course, a man who holds the position that he should be able to legislate away my bodily autonomy and supersede my consent about what happens to my body shouldn't be too goddamned surprised by the comparison.

Wacky Weather

2012-01-23T15:42:00.000-06:00

The eight inches of snow we had this weekend are now gone, courtesy of a warm thunderstorm overnight.

This is truly the strangest winter I can remember.

Now we are ankle-deep in mud. In January.

If Al Gore hadn't invented the internetz for us, I might be really mad at him for inventing global warming right about now.

Pro-Choice

2012-01-23T14:39:00.001-06:00

I support choice for a very simple reason: I want it. I want choice for myself, and I want choice for other people. And I trust those people to make the best choices for themselves. That's about the long and the short of it.

All the rest—the hand-wringing, the shaming, the religion, the exceptioneering, the assertions of certitude about when life begins—is just so much noise, just so much obfuscating bluster, just so many different ways of qualifying why, exactly, it is that women and other people with uteri supposedly aren't fit to make decisions for themselves about their reproduction.

I trust women, and the only question I have for someone who rejects choice is: Why don't you?

Best Wishes for Senator Mark Kirk

2012-01-23T14:20:00.000-06:00

Republican US Senator Mark Kirk, from Illinois, suffered a stroke and is currently recovering from surgery at Northwestern.

"Get well soon" isn't particularly appropriate, as Kirk will likely have some long-term physical impairment from the stroke, though his doctors say his chances for a full cognitive recovery are good.

So I'm just going to wish him the best.

Fortunately, because he is a member of the US Senate, Mr. Kirk has excellent healthcare coverage.

[H/T to Shaker ASDkids2.]

Photo of the Day

2012-01-23T14:05:00.000-06:00

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords hugs intern Daniel Hernandez, who "literally went into the line of fire" to save her, during the Congress on Your Corner event, which she finished today after it was interrupted by an assassination attempt one year ago.

Wow.

Warren Buffett Is Hilarious

2012-01-23T13:00:00.011-06:00

Sometimes I just love Warren Buffet, I really do:

[Mitt Romney] makes his money the same way I make my money. He makes money by moving around big bucks, not by straining his back and going to work cleaning the toilets or whatever it may be. He makes it shoving around money. I make it shoving around money. If you look at the 400 highest incomes in the United States, they average $220 million. Something like 90 of them are effectively unemployed.

LOL! It's funny because it's true.

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-23T12:24:00.000-06:00

"You want to give me a treat. Look into my eyes. You want to give me a treat."

Monday Blogaround

2012-01-23T11:53:00.000-06:00

This blogaround brought to you by books.

Recommended Reading:

Eesha: Gabby Giffords Steps Down from Congress

Cecile: Women are Watching on Anniversary of Roe

Andy: [Content Note: This post is an update on the Cleveland, Texas gang rape case which has been previously discussed at Shakesville] Teen Rapist Says Gay Taunts Pressured Him Into It

Crunklife: Culo, Coffee and Crime: More on Disrespectability Politics

Tami: [Content Note: Violent homophobia.] Tracy Morgan's Homophobia Shouldn't Be Comedy Fodder

Kendra: On a Wing and a (Box-Office) Prayer: The Racialicious Review of Red Tails

Angry Asian Man: Jason Statham Saves the Asians Again in Safe

Mustang Bobby: Neutral Jeb

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-23T11:00:00.002-06:00

Alphaville: "Forever Young"

Quote of the Day

2012-01-23T10:58:00.000-06:00

"President Obama's record of support for abortion is radical and extreme."—Rick Santorum, in an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal about his unassailable anti-choiceyness.

LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! Etc.

If only!

I can't imagine a better way to celebrate the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade than with a presidential election in which a candidate who has remained silent while a record number of anti-abortion restrictions have been passed all across the country is cast as a "radical and extreme" defender of abortion rights by a candidate who would consign women to forced pregnancies and unsafe abortions and calls himself pro-life.

What a great country we live in!

By the way, there are loads of great quotes in that piece. I also really loved this one: "I am disappointed that President Obama, who rightfully fights for civil rights, refuses to recognize the civil rights of the unborn in his country."

Yes, how terrible. So let us elect someone who doesn't give a flying flunderton about the civil rights of half the nation's population. Awesome.

Primarily Awful

2012-01-23T10:07:00.002-06:00

WOWEE WOW! Are you all still hungover from celebrating Newt Gingrich's big win in South Carolina this weekend?! What an upset! He really turned things around with that fiery debate performance last week, during which he attracted the support of the Moral Values brigade by getting indignant at being questioned about his lack of moral values. COOL! So cool, you Republican voters!

It's really neat how Newt Gingrich first won the hearts of the nation's conservatives by attacking President Bill Clinton over an affair, and now he wins their hearts again by acting like such attacks are vile & outrageous! Wowwwwww!

I also love how the professional lobbyist and highly-compensated corporate shill with multiple lines of credit at Tiffany's has managed to convince poor working people that he's definitely the candidate everyone wants to have two fingers of 50-Year Chivas Regal Royal Salute with.

"I just really think Newt cares about the common man. It's like he gets me, you know? I feel like he wants to open his marriage...for ME!"—Some South Carolina primary voter, probably.

If Newt's win teaches us anything, besides how suddenly close we are to having a president who shares his name with an amphibian, it's that the most important attribute for any GOP candidate is still abject shamelessness.

Also: Endorsements from Chuck Norris help for sure!

Mitt Romney, who did not expect this egregious insult on his way to losing to President Obama, is undoubtedly very upset today, because he can't tell if he lost mostly because Newt Gingrich is a race-baiting fuckhead who's still using the Southern Strategy to winning effect, or because he's a Mormon. He's definitely sure it has something to do with Republican primary voters being bigots, but obviously it's important to know which kind, so he can decide whether to amp up the race-baiting or convert to Southern Bapmethodluthercostalism.

In other news, Romney has decided to copy Newt Gingrich's well-known strategy of expressing contempt for democracy by telling protestors at a rally to "take a hike."

At one point during his outdoor rally at a building supply company, Romney was interrupted by protesters chanting, "We are the people." He quickly dismissed them.

"No, actually, these are the people," Romney shouted back. "These are the people; you're the interrupters. We believe in the Constitution. We believe in the right to speech. And you believe in interrupting. Take a hike."

"I believe in free speech so SHUT UP!" Ha ha, smooth move, Ex-Lax.

So, for those of you keeping score: Corporations are people, but dissenters aren't. And corporate donations are speech, but interrupting isn't. All righty then.

Something something Ron Paul. Go to hell, Ron Paul.

Speaking of hell! [Content Note: Homophobia.] Rick Santorum sure is BFFs with some world-class homophobes! Check out this full-tilt fuckneck, who says that homosexuality is the "paramount of sins" (which must be why Jesus talked about it ALL THE NEVER) and is "something so nasty and disgusting that it makes God want to vomit." LOL!

True Fact: Hailstorms are God vomiting after watching gay porn. I bet you thought it was angels pooping, but you're wrong.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Joe Paterno Died

2012-01-23T09:06:00.000-06:00

[Content Note: This post includes discussion of rape apologia.]

This weekend, former Penn State football coach, Joe Paterno, who recently vacated his long-time position after allegations he did nothing to stop assistant coach Jerry Sandusky's rape of children, died.

There are literally hundreds of obits wringing their hands about his complicated legacy. And those of us who don't feel inclined to mitigate his role in perpetuating sexual abuse of children by remembering his great career in college football are being accused of disallowing his loved ones from being able to mourn in peace.

Well.

I have only this to say: If Joe Paterno's family finds it difficult to have to hear about how he abetted child rape, they have no one to blame but Joe Paterno for the terrible decisions he made.

Jerry Sandusky's victims haven't had the luxury of peace while thinking about any of the men who ran the Penn State football program, where institutional sexual violence was allowed to continue after its discovery.

Nothing's fair about sexual violence.

But let us be honest about the fact that Joe Paterno's family, friends, and colleagues could, today, be recalling among his other successes the time he was a hero who stopped a child predator in his tracks. The reason they're not is because Joe Paterno made the choice to value football over the safety of children.

Forgive me if I don't find it in me to acknowledge his love of the game, his dedication to the sport, his legendary relationship with the Penn State football program, when it was these very things that he privileged over doing what's right.

I do with my condolences to those who loved him, even as I argue for the right to acknowledge that which may be hard for them.

And I wish Jerry Sandusky's victims some measure of peace.

This is a real thing in the world

2012-01-23T08:55:00.001-06:00

Ron Paul action figures! Only $94.95! Each! Fully clothed!

Comes equipped with mini US Constitution (the "good parts" version)!

Open Thread

2012-01-23T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by The Deltones.

Sunday Shuffle

2012-01-22T10:49:00.000-06:00

Alasdair Fraser and Natalie Haas; Calliope Meets Frank

This is one of my favorites by this duo--who I'm going to see in concert tonight (I shuffled a playlist, lol)!

How about you?

Open Thread

2012-01-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by Edelweiss.

This week's open threads have been brought to you by albums I bought in high school.

Bonus Weekend Cute

2012-01-21T17:56:00.000-06:00

We had eight inches of snow here yesterday during our first serious winter storm of the year. Today, however, was a beautiful sunny day, and the dogs and I had all kinds of fun running around in the backyard. I do love a good gorgeous winter day.

Video Description: Dudley and Zelly run around the backyard, through piles of snow that somehow don't even slow them down in the slightest.

That was at the tail-end (very punny!) of a burst of energy that sent Dudley around the yard at top speed for dozens of laps. He just loves running around in the snow. And Zelly loves chasing him. She also has enormous amounts of fun burying her wee muzzle in a snow drift then looking up at me with snow all over her face, sending me into gales of laughter.

For those who can't view video, here are some still pix:

Zelda

Dudz

Open Thread

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

Hosted by Tom Waits.

The Virtual Pub Is Open

2012-01-20T17:00:00.000-06:00

[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]

TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

Texting! With Liss and Deeky!

2012-01-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

Braintwinz Edition:

Conversation during a commercial break while we were watching Top Chef "together" via text the other night. Needless to say, I'm sure, we were texting the identical messages to each other at the same time.

(As always, published with Deeky's permission.)

Quote of the Day

2012-01-20T15:45:00.000-06:00

[Content Note: Reproductive rights encroachments.]

"Burden schmurden!"—Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. That is not actually a direct quote, but it may as well be.

Have I mentioned that the anti-choice movement, having gained momentum with the unilateral support of no less than the Republican Party, parts of the Democratic Party, and 4-5 members of the Supreme Court, is nothing less than state-sponsored terrorism in defense of an inherently violent ideology? 'Cuz it is.

[H/T to Misty.]

I Write More Letters

2012-01-20T15:27:00.000-06:00

Dear President Obama:

Thank you: Obama Administration Approves Rule That Guarantees Near-Universal Contraceptive Coverage.

And thank you for rejecting the expanded religious exemption, too.

Love,
Liss

Daily Dose of Cute

2012-01-20T14:52:00.000-06:00

Will all Good Dogs please come sit at attention?

That's what I thought.

Number of the Day

2012-01-20T14:33:00.000-06:00

13.3 million: The number of people "throughout the Horn of Africa [who] continue to be in need of water, food, shelter, medical assistance and support to recover and regain lost livelihoods" since the United Nations declared a state of famine six months ago today.

There are a lot of excellent organizations working on this crisis. Two of the orgs that I personally support are CARE, to whom you can donate here, and Water.org, to whom you can donate here.

Please feel welcome and encouraged to leave information about other teaspooning opportunities in comments.

[Previously: Number of the Day, Photo of the Day, Number of the Day.]

I Write Letters

2012-01-20T13:35:00.001-06:00

Dear Parks & Recreation:

I recently wrote you a letter telling you how much I love you. And I feel like it may have been insufficient. Because I love you A LOT.

Also: I loved last night's episode (for which there are spoilers that follow, if anyone else happens to be reading this letter I'm definitely writing to a television show), and I want to tell you: I see what you did there.

Like, first of all, the episode was about Leslie Knope meeting her opponent in the city council election, and I'll come back to that in a second, but there was this great sub-plot with Andy and April about Andy hurting his head (repeatedly) and needing medical care. Now, it was obviously great because it was hilarious, but it was also great because it was this sneaky commentary on our healthcare system and how totally fucked up it is for everyone who isn't a bazillionaire, because surprise! Deductibles.

Every part of it was perfect: Can't afford healthcare with no insurance. Finally have insurance? Get EVERYTHING fixed! Before you don't have health insurance anymore! Wait? Insurance doesn't cover everything? OH SHIT. This system is so terrible. It is the worst!

Seriously, it was sooooooo great.

But ALSO! The main arc about Leslie meeting her opponent, Bobby Newport (Paul Rudd, such perfect casting), was the best! I see what you did there, too, with your sneaky commentary about class privilege and male privilege! And instead of making Bobby Newport some sort of evil caricature, you went all meta in an episode about Leslie not wanting to negatively campaign and made her opponent nice—just ALSO a super-privileged and super-spoiled dude whose entitlement actually makes him weak.

And THEN! Then comes the best part of all, where Leslie's principled stance against negative campaigning forces Ben to devise a campaign ad that is basically the greatest thing ever, not just because it underlines what it takes for marginalized people to close the gap created by the headstart that privilege confers, but because it centers as important the big dreams of little girls, which shouldn't make me blub so much, but does, because it's so rare, so goddamn rare, to see that on a television show, or anywhere, without those dreams being the butt of someone's joke. I love this so hard:

Video of young Leslie Knope sitting at a desk in her bedroom, labeled 1985. Behind her is a hand-written sign reading "Vote Knope." Ben says in voiceover: "This is city council candidate Leslie Knope when she was ten years old." Young Leslie says: "Hi, I'm Leslie Knope. I love Pawnee, and I want to make it even better—better schools, safer streets, and a more progressive tax on residential properties."

Over text onscreen reading "Bobby Newport, 2012," Ben says in voiceover: "This is city council candidate Bobby Newport today." Bobby, on a video, with a farm clearly green-screened behind him: "People keep asking me, 'Bobby, what are you gonna do once you get into office?' Um, I'm pretty sure I'll figure it out."

Ben, in voiceover: "Leslie Knope had better ideas when she was ten than Bobby Newport has now. They do have one thing in common—" Split-screen of Leslie with a stuffed toy dog and Bobby with his Afghan hound, both of them saying, "I like dogs!" Ben continues, over an image of her campaign logo: "For a better Pawnee, vote Knope for city council."

She's been thinking about the job since she was ten. Bobby Newport's doing it on a whim to get his dad off his back. I see what you did there, Parks & Recreation. I see what you did there.

And I like it. I like you.

Thanks. Keep up the good work!

Love,
Liss

P.S.

Ann, you are so beautiful and so smart.

This Story Is Too Bootylicious for Me

2012-01-20T11:24:00.001-06:00

The fascination/fetishization of black women's backsides... will it never end???

From the Associated Press:

A newly discovered horse fly in Australia was so "bootylicious" with its golden-haired bum, there was only one name worthy of its beauty: Beyonce.

Australian researcher Bryan Lessard, 24, says he wanted to pay respect to the insect's beauty by naming it Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae. Lessard said Beyonce would be "in the nature history books forever" and that the fly now bearing her name is "pretty bootylicious" with its golden backside.

This is not an honor. He is not doing her a favor. In fact, Lessard is evidencing an ongoing, problematic fascination with black women's bottoms. Dr. Janell Hobson, in an essay in which she analyzes "the prevalent treatment of black female bodies as grotesque figures, due to the problematic fetishism of their rear ends," (88) on the history of this bullshit:*

[A] history of enslavement, colonial conquest and ethnographic exhibition-variously labeled the black female body "grotesque," "strange," unfeminine," "lascivious," and "obscene." This negative attitude toward the black female body targets one aspect of the body in particular: the buttocks (87).

Dr. Hobson delves into the longstanding fascination with/assumptions about black women's alleged hypersexuality, a hypersexuality symbolized by our deviant bodies and an "emphasis on the black female rear end, with its historic and cultural tropes of rawness, lasciviousness, and 'nastiness'," (97). And though this history extends much farther than two centuries into the past, she highlights the heartbreaking and dehumanizing display of Saartje Baartman, arguing that "perhaps no other figure epitomizes the connections between grotesquerie, sexual deviance, and posteriors than the 'Hottentot Venus'," (89), put on display primarily for the " 'strange,' singular attraction" of her rear end (88). As crunktastic noted over at the Crunk Feminist Collective, about Lessard's naming of the fly in Beyonce's "honor," "The legacy of Saartjie Bartmann lives."

Lest you think this is purely a compliment (I say purely because I am sure, in some strange way, Lessard meant it as such), ponder Dr. Hobson's words on Sir MixALot's Baby Got Back:

This so-called "appreciation" of black women's bodies does not necessarily challenge ideas of grotesque and deviant black female sexuality. Interestingly, both the song and video uphold and celebrate the black body precisely because it differs from the standard models of beauty in white culture, (96).

Substitute "the naming of the fly" for "both the song and video."

If you're still leaning towards, "compliment," think of this: The recent "global desirability of a Black girl's ass" is not complimentary; it grows out of a history of othering and "exotifying" black women's bodies and "excuses her allegedly less desirable dark complexion, full lips, and kinky hair," you know, the still grotesque and "ugly" parts of us.** But the appeal of black women's butts is not always enough to "excuse" our deficiencies/lack of beauty in other categories. In fact, a curvy backside becomes even more desirable when it is not attached to a black woman. As Dr. Hobson notes,

[P]erformer Jennifer Lopez offers a slightly different take on rear-end aesthetics. Her Latina body, already colored as "exotic" in a so-called changing American racial landscape, bridges the desires of black and white men, because she can serve as the "racial other" for both. More importantly Lopez's derriere does not carry the burden of Baartman's legacy.

[snip]

Dominant culture came to celebrate Lopez's behind as part of a recognition of "exotic" and "hot" Latinas, women perceived as "more sexual" than white women but "less obscene" than black women. In this way, Lopez's body avoids the specific racial stigma that clings to black women's bodies (97).

Or, as I read in my Facebook feed the other day,*** part of the adoration/fascination with Kim Kardashian is the desirability of having physical features typically associated with a black woman unencumbered by the history of racism, colonization, and devaluation.

I guess what it boils down to is the naming of this fly as symbolic of a culture of what crunktastic calls "disrespectability politics":

This is a world where disrespectability politics reign, a world where black women's bodies and lives become the load-bearing wall, in the house that race built, a world where the tacit disrespect of Black womanhood is as American as apple pie, as global as Nike. (Just do it. Everybody else is. ) In this world, Black women have moved from "fly-girls to bitches and hoes" and back again to just, well, flies. Insects. Pests.

Please spare us honors like these, Mr. Lessard.
_______________

* Janell Hobson, "The 'Batty' Politic: Toward an Aesthetic of the Black Female Body," Hypatia 18, no. 4, Women, Art, and Aesthetics (Autumn - Winter, 2003): 87-105.

** From this sentence by crunktastic: "In this world, the global desirability of a Black girl’s ass excuses her allegedly less desirable dark complexion, full lips, and kinky hair." I know, I know; someone might argue that full lips are all the rage, but remember they can't be too full and they are much "better" on a non-black woman--hello, world's fascination with Angelina Jolie!

***paraphrased from a note or article posted by one of my friends for which I have searched desperately and cannot find. Please let me know if you know the citation. Update: Here it is! Thank you, checarina!

Friday Blogaround

2012-01-20T10:58:00.000-06:00

This blogaround brought to you by hootenannies.

Recommended Reading:

Crunktastic: Disrespectability Politics: On Jay-Z's Bitch, Beyonce's 'Fly' Ass, and Black Girl Blue

Shark-fu: Klan Escalation in Missouri

Jennifer: Fear of a Black President? Solution: The Whitest Man in America, Mitt Romney.

Andy: More Than 70 American Mayors Announce Coalition to Support Marriage Equality

Phil: Fuck the Haters and Pass the Butter, Paula

Adrienne: Gawker Uses "Mail of Tears" for a Cheap Pun

Helen: Online Campaign to Stop Enforced Sterilization of TS/TG and Gender Variant People in Sweden

Do you read the Hathor Legacy's "Links of Great Interest"? Well, you should be! They are great!

Leave your links and recommendations in comments...

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

2012-01-20T10:00:00.000-06:00

Silversun Pickups: "Lazy Eye"