What is your favorite piece of classical music?
This is on my mind, because I downloaded the Vienna Orchestra's 2010 New Year's Day concert last night and listened to it all night and on the way to work this morning. It has three of my favorite compositions: The Overture for "Die Fledermaus," "Radetzky March, Op. 228," and "An Der Schönen Blauen Donau." Prost!
Question of the Day
It's A Fact!
Top five bounty hunters in the Star Wars universe (in descending order):
1. Bossk
2. IG-88
3. Greedo
4. Boba Fett
5. 4-LOM
(See also here, here, here and here.)
[Cross-posted.]
Community Note
Here is something you need to know about me: I care about this community and the people in it.
This is not a flippant statement. Its brevity does not subvert the enormity of its meaning.
It is also not a passive statement. I actively care about the people who spend time here, and I do the business of caring on-blog and off. I mentor Shakers just starting their own blogs and seeking advice; I commiserate with Shakers who are established bloggers and share ideas; I communicate privately, in email threads that can last for weeks, with Shakers who have lost a loved one, have lost a job, have suffered an injury or trauma, are going through a relationship crisis, are having surgery, have just come out, have just had a baby, have just gotten engaged, are considering an abortion, a divorce, self-harm, need advice or just a sympathetic ear on any one of a million different subjects. I have reviewed résumés and served as a reference. I have found local (to them) psychiatrists, victims' advocates, a gay-friendly wedding planner, a trans-friendly doctor, a tax attorney, plus-sized clothiers.
Caring about this community is not an abstract concept to me. It is concrete and it is personal and it is an active practice.
Here are some other things you need to know about me: I make mistakes. I feel shitty, really shitty, when I make a mistake that hurts someone in this community.
I convey all of the above as preface to this: Because I care about this community as I do, it is singularly infuriating and hurtful that I am repeatedly accused of acting in bad faith when I make a mistake. Or just do/say something with which someone disagrees. The overt accusations or veiled implications—deliberate or otherwise—of bad faith, deliberate cruelty, hidden agendas, indifference, etc. are profoundly demoralizing.
And I am demoralized.
I, and the other contributors, are axiomatically assumed by many Shakers to be acting in bad faith if we err (or even if we are perceived to have erred, but haven't), even as we are simultaneously expected never to err at all. Shakesville was founded by a person, and it is managed and nurtured by people. And the continual proclamations that "I can't believe this would happen at Shakesville, of all places!" every time I, or one of the contributors, makes a mistake, necessarily implies that perfection is expected of us, as if Shakesville is a magical kingdom created of pixie dust and not a virtual space made possible by the hard work of people who are flawed and fuck up just like any other people. Our charter specifically provides room for us—and everyone else to inhabits this space—to fail, as we inevitably will. If you won't support the provision of that room to fail, then you're not providing a safe space for us.
I understand the impulse to react viscerally to something one of us posted, especially if it's hurtful. And I also understand that no one thinks it should be a big deal if they comment before thinking, just this once. But you are not alone. And if only an infinitesimally small percentage of this readership reacts viscerally by making the accusation that I was deliberately hurtful, that still makes about 20 times every single day I am being told, on the blog and in my inbox, that I act in bad faith.
It is eminently possible to bring to my attention a mistake, or register a disagreement, without engaging in ad hominem attacks, using silencing tactics, jumping to unfounded conclusions about allegedly reprehensible motives, or in some other way accusing me of acting in bad faith. Failing explicit evidence I have acted to the contrary, I expect to be afforded the benefit of the doubt that I move and act in this space with good faith. I believe I have earned that after five years.
The other contributors have earned it, too.
We are here in good faith, and that is not an opinion and it is not up for debate. Those who make accusations to the contrary are fundamentally undermining the safe space for me and the other contributors. That is not to say that dissent is prohibited or that our mistakes should not be noted or that we don't expect to be held accountable if we have erred.
It is only to say that we are expected by this community to think extremely carefully about every post, every comment, every image, every link, every word we post (and we do), and I am asking that our readers who communicate with us hold themselves to the same standard.
And, you know, that's really just a fancy way of asking people to be a little nicer, a little more thoughtful. Which I don't think is a totally unreasonable request.
Moving forward, if and on the occasions that doesn't happen, threads will be closed. (Which, as an aside, is not an invitation to take the accusations of bad faith to my inbox.) Shakers who are rightfully angry that legitimate debate is then quashed should direct their anger in the appropriate direction—at the bullies who decided it was more important to be hurtful and undermine the safe space for the people who make this space possible, and not at me and the other mods who sometimes need to protect ourselves from unfounded accusations. This stuff takes a toll.
I am flatly not going to, I can't, continue to allow myself (or any other contributor) to be endlessly berated as someone who doesn't care about this space or the people in it anymore, or I'm going to flame out.
I'm taking the rest of the week off. See you Monday.
[Commenting Note: If you have the inclination to use this thread to provide examples of something I did once upon a time that makes you totally sure that I am acting in bad faith, you have seriously missed the point. And if this thread turns into a referendum on how much I suck, it will just be closed.]
Uh-Oh
For some reason, my formspring.me updates posted here rather than my own blog. I debated, but was uncomfortable leaving them up. Still, I wanted to apologize to the Shakers who took the time to share their answers to the questions, only to have them now deleted.
Question of the Day
What do you do when you can't sleep?
To pass the time, to help you get to sleep, or whatever... I usually turn the light back on and read until my eyelids get heavy. Granted, that can take quite some time.
Daily Kitteh and Puppeh
My sister adopted a seven-month-old cat on Sunday. He is a litter-mate of our niece and nephew's kitty, Oron.
Welcome to the family, Roland!
Roland had his first-ever vet visit this morning. The vet said to my sister, "That's a pretty sweet-lookin' cat!" Indeed.
Roland's signature "dozing with one eye open" attitude. I captured this nap after Dougie exhausted himself and Roland by dragging the stuffed monkey around the living room, tempting Roland to attack. These fast friends also like to nap together in a chair by the fire. It's only been four days, and they already have their rituals.
Next week, Roland is going back to his buddy the vet to "get tutored".
NQDTR Discussion Thread - M100111
Hiya, Shakers, time for another Discussion Thread for the Not Quite Daily Teaspoon Report!
This is the thread in which you may offer congratulations or admiration for a teaspoon or teaspooner. If you're posting with just congrats or admiration, though, do take a moment and check the thread to see whether other people have said so a number of times already. Remember that no one is required to read here just because they posted over there, so there's no guarantee you'll get a response to a given comment.
The Not Quite Daily Teaspoon Report - M100111
Time for another Teaspoon Report, brought to you by Shaxco, now introducing a new line of Shaxco™ brand Anal Millinery. Our celebrity spokesperson, Rush Limbaugh, says "Bigger asshats now, ask me how!"
Leave comments here that describe an act of teaspooning you encountered or committed. They don't have to be big, world-shaking acts; by definition, a teaspoon is a small thing, but enough of them together can empty the ocean.
If you would like to discuss the teaspoons here reported, or even offer congratulations or your admiration to a fellow Shaker, we ask that you do so over here in the Discussion Thread for today's NQDTR.
Shaker bgk has been kind enough to get a Twitter-pated version out there for you young twittersnappers (and by the way, get off my lawn, you meddling kids! *shakes cane*). You can find the details about the Tweetspoons project right here. That runs all the time, as far as I'm aware (*grumblenewtechnologygrumble*), and we encourage you to let other people know that there's at least one tweetstream talking about just going out and doing good things for the human species.
Teaspoons up, let's hear 'em, Shakers!
ô,ôP
More Random "Funny"
After stumbling across this, I've made a habit of looking at Yahoo's featured comic. Oddly, none of them are attributed or titled, so I've no idea what I am looking at. I don't know that having the title or artist responsible would help any. I wonder, sometimes, if it's the lack of context that makes these befuddling. Then again, as with the above, a lot of this stuff is just aggressively unfunny.
I sent the above to Liss this morning, as the cream in her proverbial coffee. She was as dumbfounded as I, replying:
I mean, it's literally the guy calling his car a traitor because it — what? — allowed itself to be fixed by a woman. Is she a woman he likes? Was he pretending to have a broken-down car to get her attention? Or is he just mad that she could do something he couldn't?I'm pretty sure I could post one of these up every day, that's how prevalent this dreck is in the funny papers.
It's completely dumb, either way.
The other thing I noticed was that comic strips seem to be divided up into three groups now: Second-rate Far Side knock offs, absurdism without Larson's wit and charm; unfunny, tired schtick, like the above; and "the classics," those zombified strips that have been around since forever (hey, in case you hadn't heard, Marmaduke is one big dog!) and are likely to shamble around until the Rapture.
As a kid, the comics page was the only part of the paper I'd read. Now I avoid it like a papercut.
[Cross-posted.]
Senators Dodd, Dorgan Not Seeking Reelection
Democratic Senators Chris Dodd from Connecticut and Byron Dorgan from North Dakota have announced they will not be seeking reelection next year.
Senator Dodd, who ran for president in 2008 and has frequently been a great ally to progressives, is leaving after a financial controversy which left him vulnerable as a candidate; though it was determined by the Senate Ethics Committee that there wasn't any credible evidence Dodd had violated ethics rules, the appearance of impropriety was enough to put his reelection in question. Stepping down makes way for Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal to take the Democratic nomination, and he is favored to win against a Republican challenger.
Senator Dorgan is more socially conservative, and has frequently not been a great ally to progressive women in particular. He was, however, as Think Progress recalls, totally right in 1999 during the repeal of the Glass-Steagall financial regulatory reforms in order to break down the barriers between investment and depository banking:
Upon passage of the bill in 1999, Dorgan predicted, "I think we will look back in 10 years' time and say we should not have done this but we did because we forgot the lessons of the past, and that that which is true in the 1930's is true in 2010."Because of the demographics of North Dakota, we're unlikely to see someone with radically more progressive social politics elected to Dorgan's soon-to-be-vacated seat.
Update to Cold War Relic as Summer House
We had an interesting comment on quixote's post about a guard tower on the former East German border, which has been turned into a summer home, and I thought it might be interesting to those who don't read the comment threads.
The person who took the pictures in the photo gallery (Paul Kaye, commenting as pavolk) linked there commented, to point to some other work he'd put up online about the same topic. There's a book which can be looked at free online here.
RIP Mary Daly
Mary Daly, radical feminist theologian and philosopher, has died at age 81. The Globe's obit is here.
Fiercely and playfully -- often at the same time -- Mary Daly used words to challenge the basic precepts of the Catholic Church and Boston College, where she was on the faculty for more than 30 years.RIP Professor.
Dr. Daly emerged as a major voice in the burgeoning women's movement with her first book, "The Church and the Second Sex," published in 1968, and "Beyond God the Father: Toward a Philosophy of Women's Liberation," which appeared five years later. That accomplishment was viewed, then and now, as all the more significant because she wrote and taught at a Jesuit college.
"She was a great trained philosopher, theologian, and poet, and she used all of those tools to demolish patriarchy -- or any idea that domination is natural -- in its most defended place, which is religion," said Gloria Steinem.
..."Ever since childhood, I have been honing my skills for living the life of a Radical Feminist Pirate and cultivating the Courage to Sin," she wrote in the opening of "Sin Big," her New Yorker piece. "The word 'sin' is derived from the Indo-European root 'es-,' meaning 'to be.' When I discovered this etymology, I intuitively understood that for a woman trapped in patriarchy, which is the religion of the entire planet, 'to be' in the fullest sense is 'to sin.'"
UPDATE: As Shaker IraeNicole first noted in comments, Daly's work was unfortunately marred by a streak of transphobia. Wikipedia summarizes its emergence in her work, including her assertion in Gyn/Ecology that transgender people are "Frankensteinian." While we want to honor her contributions to feminist thought, we also want to note the limitations of her brand of feminism, which deemed some women monstrous, a view that Shakesville endeavors quite fervently to counter. Cait and Shaker just_some_trans_guy also note she was challenged on her racism as well.
[H/Ts to Shakers Leigh, caseyOR, Sarah, and Phyllis. More here.]
Question of the Day
What's your favorite snack food?
I'm not a very "snacky" person, but when I do get the urge to munch on something between meals, I prefer savory to sweet. Gimmie pumpkin seeds, or Pringles. (Especially salt & vinegar.)
Support for Death Penalty Waning
Just a quick one because I'm totes snowed under with work just now, but this put a happy smile on my face: American Law Institute drops support for capital punishment.
It's about time the US joined the rest of the Western democracies in dropping this barbaric practice from its justice system, and brought a little more justice into the system. It has far too long been used against society's marginalized people, in the US most notably black Americans and Americans with cognitive impairments and/or mental health issues. Illinois' governor imposed a moratorium on further executions in his state because he had come to believe there were insufficient safeguards to ensure an innocent person wasn't subjected to this irrevocable and most cruel punishment. It's good to see important legal bodies coming to the same conclusion.
My own opposition comes from this simple axiom: "It is better that ten guilty persons should go free, than that a single innocent should be falsely convicted." It seems to me this can only be more true for a punishment which can never be revoked, by its very nature. Until we achieve perfect wisdom, I cannot see how we can ever feel certain enough that a given human has done what they are accused of having done to impose a penalty which can never be undone. Bad enough to jail someone; inadequate though it is, compensation can be offered for a false imprisonment. How much blood money will we have to pay when we find out irrefutably that a person has been killed who simply did not do the crime?
Have at it, but be nice to one another in comments, or verily the mods will spank thee most righteously. That doesn't mean don't disagree. Shakesville has never been about silencing dissent. It means disagree respectfully. And don't feed the inevitable trolls, kthxbye.
Bread and Teaspoons Nineteen
Good morning (unless it isn't where you are, in which case I wish you Good $TIME_PERIOD), and welcome to this week's installment of Shakesville's networking post, Bread and Teaspoons*. My apologies for missing a couple of weeks - I ran into rather a fierce painstorm, which is now past, so I'm working on tidying up and rebuilding out of the wreckage.
This is a weekly post, usually Tuesdays, providing a spot for Shakers to network a little with one another, see if we can help each other out some.
Also remember, if you’re running or part of a small business, you’re encouraged to drop links here for that. I’m happy to see Shakers makin’ their own way in whatever manner that is.
Here's how it works: There should be four sorts of comments here.
1) You comment here with any details of work you're seeking: where, what, that sort of thing. You give an e-mail address at which you can be reached - feel free to set up a special e-mail for it, if you don't want to post your regular one for the world to spam - and if another Shaker has a lead, they can contact you directly to pass it along.
A work-seeking comment should include:
Please do NOT include information such as your full name or telephone number, as this is and will remain a public post, and once posted, there's no taking it back (because it'll be spidered by a search engine, not because we don't want you to).
It is explicitly alright to comment to this each week with similar info.
For example, I might post a comment saying:
I'm a professional translator of French, German and Russian, with nearly 17 years of experience. I'm looking for basically any translation job, academic, commercial, personal, genealogical, you name it, with one exception: I do not currently have certification, so if you need a certified translator (usually for legal docs: birth certificates, divorce decrees, wills), you need someone else.
I am also available as a writer or editor, for academic, journalistic, creative, marketing-oriented or any other type of written communication. Basically, if you'll pay me, I'll write or edit it. My company website is found here.
You can contact me for business purposes through my business address, cait@cogitantes.net.
2) The second type of comment would be task offering: if you've got a job you think might suit someone here, consider posting it as a comment. Use the same guidelines as above: give general information here, and specific information when you exchange e-mails. An offered task might look something like this:
I have a doctoral thesis which needs proofing and editing by Thursday, is anyone available? You can reach me at ABDShaker@shakesville.miskatonic.edu.
3) The third kind of comment I'd love to see is success stories! We’d love to know when this works out, and people actually find some employment through our efforts. If you feel like sharing, tell us how it worked out for you. :)
**NEW CATEGORY ADDED**
4) If you’re a progressive working for or running a small business and would like to include a pointer to your business, you may do so. If you’ve never otherwise posted before here (i.e., you’re a lurker), I may check in with you to be certain you’re a Shaker and not a spammer. If it turns into a spamfest, or we start getting businesses that are of dubious progressive credentials, we may need to revisit this one, but let’s give it a try.
So, that's what we'd like to see.
What we do NOT want to see:
So there. Have at it, Shakers, for Bread and Teaspoons!
Important disclaimers: Shakesville makes no endorsement or claim as to the capabilities of anyone commenting to this post, and anyone considering hiring someone should be prepared to treat it like any other business situation: DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE. We're not doing any screening of this, so you'll want to make sure you check references, use safe-payment procedures (e.g., ask for a deposit), all the things you'd do when working with any stranger on the Internet. While this is intended for Shakers in general, remember that there is no real obstacle to being able to comment here, and do the things you need to do to keep yourself safe.
* As might be evident, this is an intentional reference to Bread and Roses, a longtime slogan of the left. In this case, though, my hope is that if we achieve steady bread, we will use it to power our teaspoon use.
The last several Bread and Teaspoons: Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen.
Blog Note
I'm taking a personal day. Nothing serious; just call it a restoring equilibrium day. See you tomorrow.
Question of the Day
Was there ever a time when you were a kid that your parent(s) got a totally—and hilariously—wrong idea of you or something you were up to? Like, say, having teh sex (when you totes weren't) or worshiping the debil?
This question arises from a conversation Deeky and I were having earlier today about times our parents got the wrong idea for various reasons. Mama Shakes loves to tell the story (and has in comments here before) about the time she found a baggie containing some pills tucked between the cushions of the sofa in the basement area that my friends and I hung out in while I was in high school. And instead of just asking me what it was—presumably because if I were a druggie I'd be a liar, too (lol)—she drove to another town (lol) where there would be no chance of being recognized (lol) to ask a pharmacist if zie could identify the pills. And she was perplexedly informed that she was in possession of a dose of over-the-counter anti-diarrheal meds. Scandalous!
Jesus Makes Another Fabulous Appearance
Sure, Jesus could play the Palladium, as they say, but why lower himself to such a gauche public venue when he can book the very exclusive engagement of a bruise on some lady's arm?
"The Lord works in mysterious ways." I'll say!
Male Anchor: A South Florida woman says she went to the doctor and came home with something she says really strengthens her faith.[Holy folks Gone Wild: Weeping and bleeding and appearing in Cheetos, more Cheetos, pretzels, fire and on pancakes, baking sheets, pizza pans, doggy doors, ice, peanuts, x-rays, turtles, ultrasounds, chocolate, dying plants, sheet metal, trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, wardrobes, water stains, plates of pasta, drywall, fish, grilled cheese sandwiches, potato chips, a bathroom door, and a banana.]
Female Anchor: Mary Massa had a routine blood test, and after two needle sticks, she says, the bruise in [sic] her arm looks like the face of Jesus Christ. [Male anchor laughs.] Take a look at that—you be the judge. Pictures of that bruise are now posted throughout the doctor's office.
Male Anchor: Mary is a Christian—surprise—who's [female anchor laughs] so devout she has pictures of Jesus already hanging at home, and she once shook hands with the Pope.
Female Anchor: Now, in her defense, Mary did not want to say anything about it [Edit and note from Liss: This is not literal; it's that Mary didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But in the video, there is a clip of Mary, being happily interviewed, and showing where the bruise was and showing pictures of it.]; it was the people at the doctor's office who were so convinced it looked like Jesus Christ. I have to say, I can kinda see a face in that bruise. Could you see it?
Male Anchor: You can always see something in there! But—
Female Anchor: Yeah.
Male Anchor: —there's so many things out there. Potato chips and waffles and—
Female Anchor: Maybe it's a New Year's miracle!
Male Anchor: I, you know, you can see something there. I didn't mean to make fun, but—
And I Was Worried About Being Grounded at the Airport...
I spent last week in Ohio visiting my parents. As a Christmas present, my brother had sent Mom Windows 7 for her computer, and my mission, should I choose to accept it, was to install it for her. I was going to do it in the afternoon, but I decided to put it off until after we got back from the movies and dinner. So when we got home around 9:00, I started doing it, and it ground away, telling me that the upgrade would take “several hours.” I was in Mom’s little study, and after a while my folks went to bed. I was writing away on my own computer, checking occasionally as her computer re-booted every so often. Around 11 Dad came out of their bedroom in his pajamas and said, “When are you going to bed?” I had an immediate flashback to being 15 and being busted for sneaking down to watch “Mission: Impossible” on Sunday nights.
You are always 15 to your parents, even when the three of you go to the movies and you all get senior citizen discounts.
Film Corner!
Today's selection is Remember Me. Or, as I like to call it, The Emo Prince and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Existential Crisis.
Emo Prince (aka Robert Pattinson) in pictured on elevated train, looking mardy. He says in voiceover: "Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant." Emo Prince sees street fight and jumps in to help victim. "But it's very important that you do it." Emo Prince and his friend are getting arrested and a girl says, "Officer, those two were just trying to stop it." Grumpy Cop (aka Chris Cooper) says, "Go home!" Emo Prince says, "Hey!" and grabs at Grumpy Cop for some undiscernible reason, and Grumpy Cop throws Emo Prince to the pavement. Fascist! Emo Prince says in voiceover: "I tend to agree with the first part." Emo Prince is tres emo.
Emo Prince is bailed out of jail by his dad, Pompous Suit Guy (aka Pierce Brosnan). Pompous Suit Guy says in raspy New York (?) accent: "You could do worse than to have a father who bails you outta jail." Emo Prince says, "I don't want to be bailed out of anything!" Emo Prince turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.
Emo Prince is in the park with his little sister, as emo guitar music begins to play. The Emo Princess says: "Why do you think Dad doesn't want to spend time with me?" Pompous Suit Guy says, "She knows I'll take care of her. That's all there is, Tyler." Emo Prince says, "That's all there is? Not enough!" Emo Prince turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.
Text onscreen: "He broke the rules."
Emo Prince is in the corporate waiting room of Pompous Suit Guy, Inc. Receptionist Lady tells him, "You know you can't smoke in here." Emo Prince gestures to a square glass bowl. "Why, why do you have an ashtray?" Receptionist Lady tells him, "It's a bowl! It completes the room!" Emo Prince stubs out his cigarette in the bowl. Emo Prince says, "I guess it was just here to tease me." Emo Prince pats the bowl and turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.
Text onscreen: "He had lost his way."
Emo Prince stares out a dirty window. (No, I am not shitting you.) Comic Relief Pal says, "You've been a ghost the past couple of weeks. You don't want to go out anymore. I've had enough of this introvert stuff, okay?! I'm ready to set up an intervention here!" Emo Prince snort-laughs.
Text onscreen: "Until the moment."
Manic Pixie Dream Girl (aka Emilie de Ravin) gets out of a truck. "He has got A DAUGHTER!" declares Comic Relief Pal. "Who's got a daughter?" asks Emo Prince, not even looking up from his journal in which he's writing on his bed. (No, I am not shitting you.) "The cop that busted your face all up!" explains Comic Relief Pal, as we see images of Manic Pixie Dream Girl and Grumpy Cop at home, all domestic and shit. "He's got a daughter." Cut to Emo Prince and Comic Relief Pal checking out Manic Pixie Dream Girl on campus. "I know her, " says Emo Prince. "She's in my global politics class." Comic Relief Pal tells Emo Prince, "Go get 'er!" Emo Prince walks toward her table; cut to Manic Pixie Dream Girl telling him, "I don't date sociology majors." Emo Prince says, "Lucky for you, I'm, I'm undecided." Manic Pixie Dream Girl asks, incredibly, "About what?" despite the fact she just mentioned majors. Emo Prince replies, "Everything." Manic Pixie Dream Girl licks her lips and grins. (No, I am not shitting you.)
Text onscreen: "He let someone in."
Emo Prince and Manic Pixie Dream Girl are in a restaurant. Manic Pixie Dream Girl asks the server, "What desserts do you have?" Emo Prince looks all emo. Manic Pixie Dream Girl explains, "I have my dessert first." OMG, you guys, that is so Manic Pixie Dream Girl!
Back at Emo Prince's shitty apartment, Manic Pixie Dream Girl does some vague cute thing and Emo Prince smiles. He pulls out something covered by a lampshade for her. "What is that?" asks Manic Pixie Dream Girl. "This," says Emo Prince, pulling off the lampshade to reveal a cake with "In case of Asteroids" written on it in icing, "is our appetizer." Manic Pixie Dream Girl looks swoonful. Cut to Comic Relief Pal commenting, "That's why chicks dig you, man. They love this freaky, poetic crap." Oh, Comic Relief Pal! What an unsentimental card you are!
Pompous Suit Guy is told, "Charles, it's your son," and he puts him on speaker. Emo Prince, on the other end of the phone, says, "Yeah, I was wondering if you want to have dinner." Pompous Suit Guy asks, "How many?" Emo Prince, staring at Manic Pixie Dream Girl looking all manically pixie-ish in an apartment window totes not noticing Emo Prince staring up at her, replies, "Three." Cut to the restaurant where Emo Prince and Manic Pixie Dream Girl are at an otherwise empty table. "He can stand me up, but he can't stand you up," says Emo Prince.
One gets the impression Pompous Suit Guy may have stood them both up, as the next scene is of Emo Prince throwing a huge metal canister through a window.
Cut to Pompous Suit Guy shouting, "You've gotta take care of NOTHING! You're responsible for NO ONE! You're a kid!" Emo Prince looks emo.
Text onscreen: "Summit Entertainment Presents."
Manic Pixie Dream Girl tells Grumpy Cop, "I'm going out." Grumpy Cop asks her who's she going out with. Manic Pixie Dream Girl tells him, "A boy from school." Cut to Emo Prince in their house, and Grumpy Cop telling him he's kinda lost. Emo Prince says (I shit you not), "You think you know me. You don't." Grumpy Cop runs at him and pins him to the wall. Cut to Manic Pixie Dream Girl telling Emo Prince, "My dad doesn't know what's going on right now." Emo Prince asks, "What's going on right now?"
Various scenes of kissing, doors slamming, Emo Prince riding a bike, Emo Prince blowing out candles on a cake saying "22," close-ups of Emo Prince, Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Grumpy Cop, and Pompous Suit Guy, more making out, and Emo Prince (I shit you not) making a hand butterfly in the sunshine.
Emo Prince says in voiceover: "Someone's been trying to tell me something. Make her yours forever. I'm working on the forever part."
Text onscreen: "Remember Me. Coming Soon."
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
News from Shakes Manor
Email edition.
Iain: If a rockabilly named 'Rocky' was seated in a rocking chair atop a giant rocket playing classic rock anthems on Rock Band while toking on a giant rock, this person would not rock as much as you!
Liss: LOL! I'm totes posting that.
If Iain were authoring a book called, approximately, Secrets to a Happy Partnership, I'm pretty sure Chapter One would be "Find new and funny and creative ways to say 'I love you' all the time." And it wouldn't be bad advice at all.
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of the Deeky Brand Buttplug, for huge assholes.
Recommended Reading:
Marcella: Carnival Against Sexual Violence 85
Anonymous Afghan Woman: I Am For Sale, Who Will Buy Me?
Sean: Being Polite and Being Right
Andy: HIV Travel Ban Lifted; First Traveler to Arrive at JFK Today
Renee: Obama Effigy Hung In Jimmy Carter's Hometown
Kathy: Church to Spend $232K to Build Giant Cross
Anna: Happy World Braille Day!
Echidne's got three that are a matched set: The New York Times Hates Women, Part I; The New York Times Hates Women, Part II; TRIGGER WARNING: Just A Crime Of Passion. TRIGGER WARNING.
Leave your links in comments...
Holy Crap
It takes a certain amount of guts -- or chutzpah -- to go on national television and lecture someone about how to turn their life around, but that's what Brit Hume did yesterday to Tiger Woods on Fox News.
Brit Hume: Tiger Woods will recover as a golfer. Whether he can recover as a person, I think is a very open question, and it's a tragic situation, in my—he's lost his family; it's not clear to me that, whether he'll be able to have a relationship with his children. But the, but the Tiger Woods that emerges, once the news value dies outta this scandal, uh, the extent to which he can recover, it seems to me, depends on his faith. He's said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So my message to Tiger would be, "Tiger, turn your faith—turn to the Christian faith, and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."I suspect that Mr. Hume is going to find out a great deal about Buddhism in the next few days. And when you can visibly embarrass William Kristol, the conversation is officially over.
Bill Kristol: Well, Brit's concerned about Tiger's soul, which is admirable; I just made a more straightforward sports prediction [laughter] which is that he'll come back and win the Masters. Because, you know, he's still an awfully good golfer, despite the chaos and, uh, um, bad news about his personal life. [Transcript via Liss.]
Today in Intersectional Bigotry
So, one of the things I don't like about our Xbox 360 is that I can't make my avatar look like me, because, like most avatar generators, it won't actually allow me to make my avatar as fat as I am. The idea being, I guess, that people who look like me are meant to be ashamed of themselves, so self-loathing they don't want to look like themselves in real life, no less in a virtual world, and that no one who looks like me would be content with how they look or confident enough to represent themselves accurately or something.
Anyway, so I've always wanted Microsoft to give me the ability to make a fat avatar that really looks like me.
But this is not what I had in mind:
Microsoft has shown a keen interest in boosting the Xbox 360's status as a community hub. Leading this initiative has been Xbox Live Avatars, which offer a 3D representation of their owners on the online service. Now, Microsoft is contemplating tying real-world health and psychological data to said avatars in an effort to discourage many-a-gamer's sedentary lifestyle.Okay, let's stop right there. Aside from fat-hating, I would like to note how gob-smackingly disablist this has the potential to be. Just on the most cursory, simplistic level, this has the "I assume every fat, disabled person I see is disabled because they're fat, and don't consider the possibility they're fat because they're disabled" problem about which I've written before. (Which I stress is only the tip of the iceberg as concerns disablism here.)
Last week, Microsoft's patent application titled "Avatar Individualized by Physical Characteristic" popped up in the US Patent and Trademark Offices' online database. The filing details a way in which Microsoft can introduce a heightened degree of reality into the appearance of gamers' avatars by utilizing a third-party health-care data repository (Microsoft gives Health Vault as an example) or a Wii Vitality Sensor-like device.
To incentivize people to improve their physical well-being, Microsoft's filing notes that gamers will be locked out of certain components of a game or a chat room until the proper health parameters are met.
"Physical data that reflects a degree of health of the real person can be linked to rewards of capabilities of a gaming avatar, an amount of time budgeted to play, or a visible indication," the filing reads. "Thereby, people are encouraged to exercise."
"For example, a locally executed video game on a game console or other device capable of interactive play rewards players that have achieved a degree of health or athletic skill in real life, even if played in a solitary fashion," the filing reads. "Alternatively or in addition, the degree of health can unlock additional playing time or can unlock certain aspects of a game, such as additional levels."
Naturally, it gets worse:
Microsoft's filing goes on to note that it wouldn't just be physical characteristics that could be refined. "The physical characteristics can be further extended to psychological traits associated with the physical person, including intelligence, religious beliefs, political affiliations, and hobbies that affect the rendering of an avatar," the application reads.So, if you're looking for me online, put out an APB for a fatty with a giant brain, two feminist fists, and a Jesus-shaped hole in her heart (as my conservative Christian correspondents are fond of telling me I have), wielding a pink laptop emblazoned with a feminazi cooter. I'll probably be playing Peggle.
[H/T to Shaker Napalmnacey.]
Quote of the Day
"I'm truly honored to have received this appointment and am eager and excited about this opportunity that is before me. And at the same time, as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, I hope that I will soon be one of hundreds, and that this appointment opens future opportunities for many others."—Amanda Simpson, a trans woman and President Obama's new appointee to the Commerce Department as a Senior Technical Advisor in the Bureau of Industry and Security.
ABC News notes that Simpson has served as Deputy Director in Advanced Technology Development at Raytheon Missile Systems in Tucson, Arizona, and "was instrumental in convincing the military contractor to add gender identity and expression to its equal employment opportunity policy." Simpson was also a YWCA "Woman on the Move" in 2004, is a former Democratic candidate for the House of Representatives, and "was a delegate for then-Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, to the Democratic National Convention in 2008."
[H/T to Mr. and Mrs. ASDKids2.]
Today in Fat Hatin'
And by "beautiful," we only mean on the outside:
Dating and social network site BeautifulPeople.com has axed some 5,000 members following complaints that they had gained weight.LOL! Oh give me a hooooome, where the fatties don't roam...!
The members were singled out after posting pictures of themselves that reportedly showed they had put on pounds over the holiday period.
..."As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld," said site founder Robert Hintze.
"Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."
Although I would like to have no sympathy for the people ousted from the site, because I'd like to imagine they're just Grade A assholes for joining it in the first place, the part of me that knows better suspects many of them joined not because of an outsized ego but instead a dearth of esteem that participating in an exclusive site was meant to assuage. Which is actually quite sad.
But maybe some of them will learn to be happy-go-lucky. If this fat fuck can be, I'm sure those just on the other side of BeautifulPeople.com can do the same.
(Btw, am I the only one who—unfortunately—now has Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People" running through my head...?)
[H/Ts to Shakers Richard and Rumblelizard.]
American Anti-Gay Bigots Meddling in Uganda
[Trigger warning.]
Previously I noted that the extreme anti-gay legislation under consideration in Uganda was underwritten by the secretive American evangelical organization known as "The Family."
Yesterday, the New York Times reported that three American evangelicals affiliated with gay conversion organizations, including the infamous Exodus International, gave "a series of talks" in Uganda last March on "the gay agenda — that whole hidden and dark agenda" and "the threat homosexuals posed to Bible-based values and the traditional African family."
For three days, according to participants and audio recordings, thousands of Ugandans, including police officers, teachers and national politicians, listened raptly to the Americans, who were presented as experts on homosexuality. The visitors discussed how to make gay people straight, how gay men often sodomized teenage boys and how "the gay movement is an evil institution" whose goal is "to defeat the marriage-based society and replace it with a culture of sexual promiscuity."And the three Americans—Scott Lively, missionary and author of anti-gay screeds like 7 Steps to Recruit-Proof Your Child; Caleb Lee Brundidge, a "former" gay man who leads "healing seminars"; and Don Schmierer, who sits on the board of the heinous anti-gay Exodus International, which purports to degayify Christians being tested by God with same-sex attraction or whatever—are positively shocked! by the proposed legislation, and had no idea! they would be associated with such hatred blah blah yawn more total bullshit.
Now the three Americans are finding themselves on the defensive, saying they had no intention of helping stoke the kind of anger that could lead to what came next: a bill to impose a death sentence for homosexual behavior.
One month after the conference, a previously unknown Ugandan politician, who boasts of having evangelical friends in the American government, introduced the Anti-Homosexuality Bill of 2009, which threatens to hang homosexuals.
"I feel duped," Mr. Schmierer said, arguing that he had been invited to speak on "parenting skills" for families with gay children. He acknowledged telling audiences how homosexuals could be converted into heterosexuals, but he said he had no idea some Ugandans were contemplating the death penalty for homosexuality.Because here in America, evangelicals constantly engage in absurd hyperbole, like "War on Christmas," and don't think that "a nuclear bomb against the gay agenda in Uganda" could actually mean that gay people will be killed as a result of their horseshit. Of course, queer people and trans people and religious non-Christians and atheists and feminists are harassed, abused, and killed in this country because of their horseshit, too, but it's not mandated or sanctioned by law; the connection is less obvious, less direct, and thus easier for the purveyors of Good Christian Hatred to deny and ignore. I would say I'd hope this would make them think twice about engaging in the same rhetoric in America, if there were even an infinitesimal chance of that happening. But there isn't. And I digress...
"That's horrible, absolutely horrible," he said. "Some of the nicest people I have ever met are gay people."
Mr. Lively and Mr. Brundidge have made similar remarks in interviews or statements issued by their organizations. But the Ugandan organizers of the conference admit helping draft the bill, and Mr. Lively has acknowledged meeting with Ugandan lawmakers to discuss it. He even wrote on his blog in March that someone had likened their campaign to "a nuclear bomb against the gay agenda in Uganda." Later, when confronted with criticism, Mr. Lively said he was very disappointed that the legislation was so harsh.
Human rights advocates in Uganda say the visit by the three Americans helped set in motion what could be a very dangerous cycle. Gay Ugandans already describe a world of beatings, blackmail, death threats like "Die Sodomite!" scrawled on their homes, constant harassment and even so-called correctional rape.Set the fire they can't quench. And, at best, their defense is: "We didn't know!" At best, they were totally ignorant of the culture, and just saw speaking in Uganda as another opportunity to make money and get notoriety back home. I mean, hey—it's not like they wanted anyone killed; they just wanted to be able to crow to the rubes back home about what great anti-gay missionaries they are and justify holding out the coffers once more. "Your dollars will help stop the gay agenda in its tracks all over the world!" But they didn't want anyone dead. Heavens, no! Geez, we didn't expect the Ugandans to take us so seriously.
"Now we really have to go undercover," said Stosh Mugisha, a gay rights activist who said she was pinned down in a guava orchard and raped by a farmhand who wanted to cure her of her attraction to girls. She said that she was impregnated and infected with H.I.V., but that her grandmother's reaction was simply, "'You are too stubborn.'"
Despite such attacks, many gay men and lesbians here said things had been getting better for them before the bill, at least enough to hold news conferences and publicly advocate for their rights. Now they worry that the bill could encourage lynchings. Already, mobs beat people to death for infractions as minor as stealing shoes.
"What these people have done is set the fire they can't quench," said the Rev. Kapya Kaoma, a Zambian who went undercover for six months to chronicle the relationship between the African anti-homosexual movement and American evangelicals.
Mr. Kaoma was at the conference and said that the three Americans "underestimated the homophobia in Uganda" and "what it means to Africans when you speak about a certain group trying to destroy their children and their families."
"When you speak like that," he said, "Africans will fight to the death."
At best, they colluded with murderous bigots because they were too uninformed, cavalier, daft, hasty, greedy, eager, selfish, irresponsible, ignorant. Too something to understand what the fuck they were doing.
At worst, they colluded with murderous bigots because deep in their hard, dark little hearts, in places they never reveal in press releases, they don't much care if gay people die, as long as their names aren't anywhere near the death warrant.
If I had to guess, it's a little of both.
[Previously: Anti-Gay Legislation in Uganda, Anti-Gay Legislation in Uganda Sponsored by The Family, Quote of the Day, World AIDS Day, Uganda Drops Death Penalty, Life in Prison from Bill, White House Strongly Opposes Ugandan Anti-Gay Legislation.]
Sunday Afternoon Jarvis
The title track from Jarvis Cocker's Further Complications, the best album of 2009.
[Cross-posted.]
Open Thread
Hosted by Tribbles.
*This week's Open Threads have been sponsored by Alien Invaders: Zapping humans since 1898. (Well, except for the Tribbles.)
2010 Ultimate Teaspoon Discussion Thread
And here's the Discussion Thread for the 2010 Ultimate Teaspoon Report. If you want to add your own teaspoons to the list, do it over there; this one is for talking about what you've read over there, offering comments or congratulations, whatever - on-topic in this thread is "about teaspoons".
Usual Shakesville rules apply: be respectful of the safe space, and don't feed the trolls who don't respect that.
2010 Ultimate Teaspoon Report
Something a little different today, Shakers, for today I want you to give me the best teaspoon actions you witnessed or performed in 2009 - by you, by other Shakers, by people outside of Shakesville, whatever.
There'll be a discussion thread as usual, so let's keep this one to the teaspoons, and you can talk over the stuff you see here or offer comments on that thread.
And in advance, I offer my teaspoon salute to you all for everything you did in 2009 - let's make 2010 a better year yet for progressivism in all its guises.
ô,ôP
Email Policy
Readers are welcome and encouraged to email me for the following reasons:
1. To send me a news tip or item of interest. I like and appreciate getting tips from readers, and you needn't worry about potentially being the second or third or eighteenth or hundredth person to send me the same link. If I get lots of emails about something, it just conveys to me that there's lots of interest in reading about/discussing it. (Don't forget to include your Disqus handle, if you've got one.) Please note I occasionally pass on an item to another contributor who is interested in covering it. Also: I do get lots of tips in a day, so please understand that I cannot respond personally to every email.
2. To inquire about writing or submitting a guest post on a specific subject, with the caveat that if your subject matter violates our content policy, or if you are trying to use a guest post to promote a product or service, don't even bother. (Guest posting about a book one has written on a subject of general interest to Shakers, for example, is an obvious exception.) Whether I accept and publish guest posts has a lot to do with whether I have the opportunity for editing that day: Getting a guest post in shape for publication often takes a lot of time. If you send an email as vague as, "How can I guest post at Shakesville?" or an email requesting something like, "Check out my blog and see if there's anything you would be willing to use as a guest post," your email will be deleted.
3. To seek help or guidance locating social, medical, or related services. If you are having thoughts of self-harm or are having any other kind of immediate crisis, do not email me—call 911. If, however, you need help finding a very specific kind of local service (e.g. a survivor's advocate) or a local healthcare practitioner who is known to be fat-friendly or trans-friendly, as examples, I will do my utmost to help you locate what you need, or put you in contact with someone who might be able to help.
4. To solicit advice on a personal issue. I get tons of email asking for advice on everything from blogging tips to how to break up with a long-term partner. I genuinely try to answer every one of these emails, but, as my email load ever increases, there are just some emails I regretfully never get to. This is, I realize, not the fairest policy, but it's the best I can do: Emails soliciting advice are welcome, but please send them with the knowledge I may not be able to get to them. In acknowledging my reality and my limitations, I recommend that if you would be offended if I do not answer, don't send it.
5. To send a note of encouragement or thanks. I am so grateful for each note of support I receive, and nothing is a better motivator to do this job every day than when people take the time to tell me how much Shakesville means to them, or how it has made a material difference in their lives. Again, I try to reply to every one of these emails, but sometimes I may miss one on a very busy day, for which I offer my apologies.
6. To alert me to a mistake (typographical or factual) in a post, especially if you are, by virtue of being at work or similar circumstance, unable to leave a note in comments.
7. Media and reprint inquiries.
That's not a comprehensive list, of course. Sometimes people just have a random question or a funny story or a happy thing to share, the sorts of emails that don't fall neatly into any kind of category.
Basically, the general rules are: Be sensible and polite; be understanding that I make a good faith effort to respond to everyone who reaches out to me in good faith, although I simply can't respond to everyone anymore; be aware that reaching out with an expectation that I will respond, and/or respond in precisely the way you want, is not good faith.
* * *
Readers are unwelcome to email me for the following reasons:
1. To complain about being banned, as is clearly stated in the commenting policy. Complaining about someone else being banned is also unwelcome. Generally, any grievances about moderation after a flagrant breach of the commenting policy will be ignored and deleted.
2. To continue a thread derail that has been declared off-limits, unless I have specifically invited further discussion to be brought to my inbox. Yes, I get that you want to talk about That Thing SO BAD. But if I wanted to talk about it, I'd create a space to talk about it on my blog. Find someone else to talk to.
3. To solicit a personal fundraiser for you (or someone else). It's not that I don't want to help, but I very likely cannot vet and verify your situation and need, nor can I accommodate everyone who asks.
4. To demand explanations for blog policies, blog-related issues, and variations on that theme. I don't owe this to you.
5. To demand an accounting of how I spend donations. I also don't owe this to you—but here's the big secret: I spend my salary like everyone else does. I pay bills, I pay taxes, I buy shit, most of which I need and some of which I don't.
6. To yell at me for not having sent a personal response to another email. I can't stress this enough: Posting my email publicly and saying I try to respond to as many emails as I can is not a promise that I will correspond with you. Don't treat it like it is.
7. To try to bully or coerce or shame me into writing about something, or write about something in the very specific way you want me to write about it.
8. To threaten or harass me.
Again, that's not a comprehensive list. I know it's a fool's game to tell the sort of people compelled to email me just to tell me I'm a fat cunt to use good judgment, so instead I'll just note that you're wasting your time. You're also wasting your time if you send me a wall of text 'splaining to me how wrong I am about something. I seek out opinions differing from my own from writers I respect: Your 2,000-word all-caps screed does not qualify.
There are many occasions when I will have a discussion via email with someone who is in strong disagreement with me, or even pissed off with me about something I've said or done, but if your email is a nasty, accusatory, bad faith rant showing no indication that you actually want to have a conversation with me, as opposed to just making me feel shitty, I'm not going to engage with you. And, no, if you send me a more reasonable email two hours or two days or two weeks later, I'm not going to engage with you then, either. If you have a point about something I could do better or differently, I will take your point, but I will absolutely not engage with someone who disrespects or bullies me.
These are my boundaries. I politely and firmly ask that they be respected.
Shaxicon
FAQ
What's with the name? In October 2004, I started a blog I called Shakespeare's Sister, after one of my favorite Smiths' songs, which took its title from the Virginia Woolf essay, "A Room of One's Own." When I had no readers besides my partner Iain, and was blogging under the eponymous pseudonym, it didn't seem particularly weird to share my handle with the name of the blog, but as an entire community of contributors, guest writers, commenters, and lurkers grew, as a nod to the community, Shakespeare's Sister became Shakesville.
What's Shakesville all about, anyway? Shakesville is a feminist blog, and a feminist's blog. It is a progressive blog. It is a safe space. It is a community. It is a blog whose contributors are resolved to be willing to self-examine and learn, and whose community members are expected to do the same. Forward movement, progress, on cultural, political, and individual levels is woven into the fabric of Shakesville. Our key objectives are equality, liberty, and justice for all, empathy, self-awareness, growth, momentum, compassion, and laughter. We blog about domestic politics, foreign policy, high culture, pop culture, books, film, telly, food, the patriarchy, oppression, repression, religion, philosophy, parenting, not parenting, marriage, cats, why women's trousers have so many buttons, and anything else that we feel like discussing. With photos. Many of them doctored for maximum hilarity. All are invited. Whether you are welcome is up to you.
Who are you people? Information on the contributors can be found here.
What's the commenting policy? The commenting policy can be found here.
What does this weird word or phrase I keep seeing used at Shakesville mean? Check out the Shaxicon, below.
How can I submit a news tip, Question of the Day, guest post, action item, or other material I think would be of interest to the Shakesville community? Email Liss, or one of the other contributors.
What if I have a question that isn't answered on this list? Email Liss, or one of the other contributors.
SHAXICON
All In—Being "All In" is an acknowledgement that not speaking up, that not using one's teaspoon, that turning a blind eye toward or meeting with apathy the injustices wrought against other people tacitly condones them. To be "All In" is to recognize: I make a difference in this world, for good or ill. There is no neutral. There is no Switzerland. There is only saying no to the indignities one human visits upon another—prejudice, hatred, humiliation and pain—or saying yes. And silence, the craven averting of one's gaze so the offense may take place out of view, is not a no. It is not ambiguous. It is a yes. Yes, go ahead, just don't do it to me. It is a permission, and a plea. I'll sacrifice her if you'll let me on my merry way. We routinely cede our expectations of goodness for guarantees of safety, but only our own, and we can no longer fool ourselves that people who hurt others while we cast down our eyes are aberrations; they are, in the void of unyielding solidarity our self-interest has left, inevitabilities. There is no neutral. You're in or you're fucking out.
Apatowcalypse—The current feminist backlash and possible end of culture as we know it, as signaled primarily by the rise of the Dudebro and retrofuck pop culture helmed by fauxgressive ironists like Judd Apatow, who persistently assert that bigoted jokes so old they fart dust and marginalizing humor that hasn't been original since cave paintings are "edgy."
Assdrip—A non-gendered expression of disdain, as in: "I don't give the tiniest, microscopic shit about Joe Lieberman. I don't care if I never even hear the name of this oxygen-sucking assdrip again for the rest of my everloving life."
Asshat Triumvirate—Three variations on "asshat" coined by CaitieCat: Rectal Haberdasher, Anal Milliner, and Cranial Colonic.
Bill Stickers—Whatever you've heard, he's innocent!
Blub—To cry, either with sadness or extreme joy.
Boob Pistol of Disdain—Liss' oft-recommended, oft-used, and awesomely gratifying response to strangers cow-calling, commenting, grabbing, or otherwise rudely reminding you that you're publicly fat: 1. Grab your boob. 2. Aim it at them like a pistol of righteousness. 3. Blow a giant, loud raspberry. [Variant on step 3: Make a machine- or laser-gun noise. "Rat-a-tat-tatta-tat-tat!" and "Pyoo! Pyoo!" are both acceptable substitutions for "Phbbbbt!"]
Bowl of Farts—A general insult, coined by Space Cowboy.
Clusterfucktastrophe—A catastrophic clusterfuck; a huge-ass mess.
Concern Troll—Someone who asserts to be on the same side as a social justice activist, but is nonetheless using silencing tactics (e.g. "Your tone is prohibitively strident") or serving as apologist for oppressive narratives, and purporting to do so out of concern (e.g. "I'm only saying women shouldn't wear short skirts in public because I'm concerned they're going to be raped").
Cult of the Feminazi Cooter—See: Feminazi Cooter.
Douchehound—Variation on douchebag. See here.
Drip of Dogwank—As described. One of Liss' favorite turns of phrase to express disdain, as in: "I don't give a tiny drip of dogwank what any former president did or didn't do when it has nothing to do with what the current president is doing now. What Clinton did about wiretapping in 1994 has about as much to do with what Bush is doing about wiretapping now as pickled pigs' feet have to do with supernovas."
Dudebro—A Dudebro is an extremely privileged man, typically white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, and middle class or higher. He wields his privilege like a weapon, hates to be challenged on it, and steadfastly refuses to examine how it benefits him. He favors rape jokes, Judd Apatow movies, and Ed Hardy gear, glories in his man-child existence, seeks a woman to be his mommy/fuckhole, and doesn't think ladies and gays should play video games.
Dumm Bith—A troll's truly pathetic attempt to insult Liss.
eleventy!!111! (and similar variants)—An expression for making fun of the sort of breathless exaggerated urgency that some people attempt to convey through a massive sequence of redundant exclamation points. Not content with a single expression of emphasis, some people have to use lots of exclamation points!!! Sometimes a handful!!!!!!!! Sometimes DOZENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And as often happens, when one is so consumed with the urgency of conveying such an important message, one's finger may slip off the Shift key, thus causing random numeral '1' characters to become interspersed with one's Crucial Emphasis-Conveying Exclamaganza. Thus, 'eleventy' is a shorthand for referring to character strings of the sort: !!!111!!11!!1! [Definition provided by Arkades.]
Expect More—An important component of teaspooning, the rejection of complacency masked as cynicism: "I'm not ironically detached, I'm not apathetic, I'm not resigned, and I'm not contemptuous of bleeding hearts. I am a greedy bitch with voracious expectations, and I dream long and lustfully of a better world that is both my muse and objective. I want it like the cracked earth of the desert wants rain, and I will neither apologize for nor amend my desire because of its remove from the here and now; its distance encourages my reach."
Eyebrow Actor—See Joseph Fiennes.
Fainting Couch/Pearl Clutching/Mint Julep/Smelling Salts—The accoutrements of affected Victorian shock.
Fatsronauts—One of Liss' many terms of endearments for her fellow fatties.
Fatty Fatastrophe—Liss, or any other fatty who would like to proudly wear the label.
Fauxgina—An honorary vagina granted by a feminist/womanist woman to a F/W or F/W-allied man as a show of solidarity, as in: "Your 'Honorary Feminazi Cooter' fauxgina is in the mail."
Fauxgressive—Someone who claims to be progressives but demonstrates a bigotry incompatible with authentic progressivism, e.g. sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, disablism, classism, sizism, etc.
Feminazi Cooter—This is the feminazi cooter. Now, I'm sort of breaking the Feminazi Cooter League's code of secrecy to do this, but let me just explain how the process works, to clear up any confusion: The Radical Gay Eggs are kept in the ovaries until they are fertilized by the dulcet tones of Barney Frank (or a Frank-certified Fertilofag like Spudsy), at which time they are deposited in the womb where they incubate alongside the Radical Gay Agenda Pink Disco Ball, which spins to the beat of It's Raining Men. In mere hours, the Radical Gay Eggs hatch into teensy lavender copies of Melissa Etheridge singles, which slowly disintegrate as they pass through the vaginal canal, emitting radiating vibrations of the Radical Gay Agenda.
Flounce/Echo Flounce/Epic Flounce/Take Your Boa and Go— Flounce (v) : To announce via comment that you are leaving this blog, never to return, because of something someone posted/commented/said in comments and then leaving. Normally reserved for concern trolls. Epic Flounce (phrase): To announce that you are leaving this blog, never to return, because of something someone posted/commented/said and then leaving by emailing something so ridiculous and douchey to Melissa or another contributor that it must be posted with information blocked so that all can enjoy mocking the fuckneckery. Echo Flounce (phrase): To announce multiple times via comment that you are leaving this blog, never to return, because of something someone posted/commented/said. Normally this is done because trollslayers are heedlessly mocking your every statement. Take your boa and go (phrase, imperative tense): A phrase used by Shakers to tell trolls (concern or otherwise) that they need to flounce off. [Definition provided by bgk.]
Fooking Hoff oon a Fooking Tschoosday—Care of Iain, a comparison for something you just can't handle at the moment, as in: "It's too much. I can't take it. This is like fooking Hoff oon a fooking Tschoosday."
Fuckneck—A general term of contempt. Origin.
Gay as a Pair of Pink Shoes—Self-explanatory. A term nicked by Mustang Bobby from a roommate when he was in grad school in Minneapolis.
Gaypocalypse—The impending meltdown of the American family after radical queers and their radical allies take over the entire country and force good, conservative, Christian straight people to get gay-married against their wills and give up their firstborn children to be gayified with their gay-beams of gayitude.
Here, there is only pie.—In the truly hilarious but browser-crashing Fat Princess Flypaper thread (the Top 10 Troll Droppings from which are recounted here), Shaker JupiterPluvius calmly, brilliantly, and memorably explained to a troll who was missing the point: "What you are doing, sir, is the equivalent of going into a pie-shop and demanding a jellied eel, because the jellied-eel shop had been closed down after a gang of hooligans had demolished the place. SIR, YOU ARE TOO LATE FOR THE JELLIED EELS. HERE, WE HAVE ONLY PIE."
Hexfat—Fat cursed upon a child by hir mother. Usage: O NOES HEXFAT!!!eleventy!
hey your gay—A particularly amusing troll dropping.
Heyyy! Everybody! [Gibberish]! Wooo!—A phrase used to mock someone who very enthusiastically makes no fuckin' sense. Origin.
Hir—A gender-neutral substitute for him, her, his, hers. Also see: Zie.
Homomentum—The inevitable gay equality train barreling down the tracks. Choo-choo!
I Am Spartacus—The original reference is to Stanley Kubrick's 1960 film, and the scene in which various Roman slaves stand one by one and defiantly declare, "I am Spartacus!" in solidarity with the man himself (played by Kirk Douglas). In a similar if cyber fashion—following Liss's resignation from the Edwards campaign in February 2007, a subsequent Denial of Service attack, and threats of violence against Liss and Amanda Marcotte fomented by right-wing assholes like Fred Phelps—Driftglass declared, in a post on the whole mess, "I am Spartacus." And in solidarity Skaker after Shaker and blogger after blogger in turn declared online, "I am Spartacus!" Thus: An expression of solidarity especially in times of duress (or worse). [Definition provided by Kevin Wolf.]
I love you and want to do your taxes free of charge.—An exclamation to show strong appreciation, provided by Liss as an alternate to the traditional offer of having someone's babies, or sexually gratifying hir.
Jizz! In! My Pants!—An expression of extreme excitement, care of Andy Samberg.
Jumps Into Christmas Tree—See here.
Kumbaya, bitchez.—An ironic comment on idiots who can't get along, usually because they're deliberately stirring shit.
Learn to Logic—A particularly amusing troll dropping, which can be adapted for any purpose, e.g. Bill O'Reilly should learn to math.
lol your fat—A particularly amusing troll dropping, frequently applied in other contexts, e.g. lol your hopey-changeyness.
lolsob—Laughing and crying at the same time.
Mansplaining—See "Splaining."
Maude—Liss' imaginary higher power.
Metric Fuckton—A lot. More than two fuckloads.
Misogybag—A misogynist douchebag.
Misogysaur—A misogynist dinosaur, someone so sexist zie is on the verge of extinction.
Mondo Fucko—One of Liss' many expressions of contempt for former president George W. Bush, as in, "There is no way Mondo Fucko is still talking about his optimistic rug!" See also: Turbofuck Shitwad.
MRA—Men's Right Activist. See here.
MREWYB—My rights end where yours begin. Liss' political philosophy, in one sentence. Example in practice here.
Nice Guy—See here.
Nieztschean Bake Sales—Where feminists get together and sell our baby-flavored cakes and sundries. A good place for people of like-minded curmudegeonliness to sit and grumble about how everything sucks and we hate all the menz. [Definition provided by InfamousQBert.]
Nutria-Based Economy—What we should totes have.
o.oP—The teaspoon salute. (See: Teaspooning.)
OFFS—Oh for fuck's sake. [/deeky]
OMG Shoez—"OMG Shoez" is something that Spudsy and Liss call each other just to say like 90 times a day, all because of this video. It's also a good way to indicate that a troll is being a hyberbolic dipshit, e.g.: "Liberals will be the end of America!" You: "OMG Shoez!"
Pathetic Anger Bread—Another superb troll dropping from the Fat Princess Greatest Hits parade.
Poopsburg—Where we are headed in an Edsel, instead of to the moon in a rocketship.
President Mondo Fucko—Liss' nickname for former president George W. Bush.
QcoFM—QCoFM is an abbreviation for Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, which Liss christened herself in response to emails she'd been getting about her coarse and decidedly unladylike language: "Fearing that we face a whole new level of bullshit about which we will, and should, be visibly angry, and preparing myself thusly, comments and emails composed specifically to tell me to stop using bad language or to start being less aggressive, less hostile, less antagonistic, less bitchy, less arrogant, less belligerent, less vitriolic, less nasty, less acerbic, or less of a poopyhead, are as welcome as any other, but I feel obligated to inform all potential authors of such missives that they are, however, a waste of time. If I get my facts wrong, let me know. If you don't like my tone, tough. At this bus stop in the blogosphere, I'm Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, and I'm mean for a reason. Once we get our country back on the right track, there will plenty of time for nursery rhymes."
QotD—Question of the Day. Asked Mondays-Thursdays.
Retrofuck Jackhole—Liss' coinage for the "traditionalists."
Ronpaulbuxxx—Special coinage which can be used by glibertarians to buy a fucking clue from many of Shakesville's fine retailers.
Safe Space—See the commenting policy, here.
Scan Your Credentials—A service offered by trolls in order that we may understand they are totes smarter than us. See here and here, as examples.
Shakers—The denizens of Shakesville.
Sighbrows—Contempt or exasperation (or a combination thereof), as conveyed via eyebrow acting, coined by Shaker BrianWS.
Sodomy Squadron—Purveyors of the radical gay agenda and harbingers of the gaypocalypse.
Splaining—[Privilege]splaining is when a person of privilege condescendingly tells an unprivileged person something zie already knows, particularly something about zie's own life and/or identity, e.g. a man mansplaining what it's like to be a woman to a woman. [Privilege]splaining is that delightful mixture of privilege and ignorance that leads to condescending, inaccurate explanations, delivered with the rock-solid conviction of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course [the privileged person] is right, because [zie is the privileged person] in this conversation."
Steampunk Abortion Robot—Liss, as conceived by a particularly, ahem, creative troll.
Teaspooning—The teaspoon reference started with Liss' post on International Human Rights Day: "Today is the final day of the 16 Days of Action Against Gender Violence, during which I suppose I have blogged exactly as often as always about violence against women, in America and abroad. Sometimes it feels like it's all I ever write about; sometimes it feels like I can't possibly write about it enough to do the issue justice; often, those feelings exist within me simultaneously. All I ever do is try to empty the sea with this teaspoon; all I can do is keep trying to empty the sea with this teaspoon." From that came the Shakesville Silver Teaspoon for Random Acts of Feminism, and a whole lot of subsequent references to teaspoons in these pages, when we are feeling crushed by the vastness of the work to be done.
Testerical—A word not in common usage, coined by Liss to underline the etymological misogyny of hysterical.
Thank you for your concern.—A profoundly contemptuous way of calling out a concern troll.
That Explains Everything / Jumps Into Christmas Tree—See here.
Titty-Wrap Hugs {{{OTWHRecipientO}}}—Virtual hugs given by Portly Dyke.
Totes—Totally.
Trenchant as hell—See here.
Trigger/Triggering/Trigger Warning—A trigger is something that evokes memories or feelings of past trauma in survivors of violence, sexual assault, self-harm, and/or suicide ideation. Thus, a trigger warning is a note added to posts on behalf of those who have experienced trauma, who may wish to avoid or prepare themselves for potentially triggering content. (See here for more.)
Turbofuck Shitwad—One of Liss' many expressions of contempt for former president George W. Bush, as in, "Fucking NO we don't miss you, so stay the hell away, you depraved turbofuck shitwad!" See also: Mondo Fucko.
Unsullied Cunt—Virginity, in the context of a culture in which women's ideas and accomplishments are regarded as unimportant, and women are viewed primarily as adornment or a source of sexual gratification for men, a woman might come to believe that her most valuable "asset" is her unsullied cunt. Origin. [Definition provided by RedEmma.]
Vagynomite—The power of Hillary Clinton's vagina in destroying male bromances.
Venus Fly Vagina—What women use to trap men in the ludicrous fever-dreams of absurd misogybags.
Wankstain—As described. One of Liss' favorite turns of phrase to express disdain, as in: Chris Matthews is a misogynist wankstain.
Wev—Wev is what Liss says when she has too much contempt for something to even bother uttering the full three syllables of whatever. Or, as the case may be, typing them.
Who farted?—Fred Thompson did.
Who monitors your bevis?—Another damn fine question, courtesy of a troll.
Your Gayest Look—Giving the finger. See here. Also here.
Zie—A gender-neutral substitute for she and he. Also see: Hir.
Zuh?—A statement of disbelief. Acceptable variants include: Huh? Buh? Wuh? and Guh?
