Transcript below...
[Opening montage of 'frontier' people working]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Their dreams were dying in Independence, Missouri.
Man in Blue Flannel Shirt (talking to another man in black hat): Folks 'round here are takin' the trail to Oregon. (close up to Blue Flannel Man) I reckon' we ought to do the same.
(cut to close up of man in blue shirt, black suspenders & blond woman)
Man in blue shirt and suspenders: (exclaims) Oregon Trail?!
Man in black hat: (sarcastic and unenthused) We could die of boredom.
Woman in white bonnet: We could LEARN a thing or two.
Blond Woman: You won't learn anything.
[Scene Change]
[People packing up wagons]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: They packed up and left the only home they've ever known.
Man (used to have black hat): Paw (referring to man in blue flannel) thinks he knows everything. I can't WAIT to start my new life in Oregon.
Woman: (snotty and derisive) What new life? You're going to be a carpenter. Just. Like. Him.
Man: (yelling) NOBODY WANTS TO BE THE CARPENTER!
[Scene Change] Opening credit.
Blue Flannel Man:(to shopkeeper) I'll take four oxen and all the bullets sixteen hundred dollars will get me.
Shopkeeper: Want any food or spare parts? Each person will consume--
Blue Flannel Man: (cuts him off) No, Shopkeep. Just the bullets. Just. the. bullets.
[Goodbye Montage]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Now they'll learn quickly that the trail is no game.
[Running in the dessert]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: (ominous) It's survival.
Man by Fire: (evil laugh) This trail is filled with thieves. (shot of man in prison) Injuns. (people on horses in stereotypical outfits) And horror I dare not say. (stampeding buffalo) You will die on this trail...just like Ol' Poop Face. (Poop Face's grave marker) (evil laughter)
[Scene Change]
(Man shoots buffalo)
Man: (excited) Paw! I shot me another one! That's over fourteen hundred pounds of meat!
Paw: (shaking something disgusting) But son. We can only carry back ten pounds.
[Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Ride the adventure!]
Woman: (running over to man shitting in the bushes) Get outta that brush! You're going to get a snakebite!
[Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Ride the DRAMA!]
Blue Flannel Man: Get down here and help me concoct this [garbled]--
Man White Shirt: Dad I told you, I don't want to be a carpenter! I wanna be a BANKER!
Blue Flannel Man: (shrieking) A BANKERS NOT GONNA HELP ME FORD THIS RIVER!
(fighting)
[Scene Change...rafting]
[Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Ride the trail!]
Woman in red shirt: (exasperated) How did your brother get dysentery?!
Man sitting on a fence: Ow! (farts) Ow! Ow!
[Montage]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: In the first film based on the educational video game...
[More montage]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover of Blue Flannel Shirt Man: We knew that this would be difficult. Not many people would get there. (Mac & Cheese's grave marker pan)
(up close) Blue Flannel Man: But we will make it!
[More inspirational montage]
[Title and credit]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: The Oregon Trail.
[Man walking off with hat held high]
Dramatic Movie Trailer Voiceover: Coming Soon.
[End credits]
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