This is a real thing in the world.

[Click to embiggen.]
The Butch Bakery, located in New York, is the brainchild of former Wall Street securities attorney David Arrick, who "felt it was time to combine a masculine aesthetic to a traditionally cute product—the cupcake. When a magazine article mentioned that cupcakes were a combination of everything 'pink, sweet, cute, and magical', he felt it was time to take action, and butch it up."

Since REAL MEN can't eat no pink and magical bullshit, the Butch Bakery sells cupcakes for men in tantalizingly butch designs of Woodland Camo, Wood Grain, Houndstooth, Plaid, Checkerboard, and Marble. (No, I am not making this up.)

Their website (screen-capped above), done in appropriate butch hues of black, gunmetal, and khaki, exhorts: "Butch it up, buttercup. These ain't your grandma's cupcakes." YEAH! GRANDMAS ARE FOR PUSSIES!

Also to be found on the front page of the website is the Butch Bakery's "MAN-ifesto" (caps original), not to be confused with one of those grody "WOMAN-ifestos," which reads: "Our objective is simple. We're men. Men who like cupcakes. Not the frilly pink-frosted sprinkles-and-unicorns kind of cupcakes. We make manly cupcakes. For manly men."

Let me guess: They're sold by the half-dozen but there are really only four to a box.

This is quite genuinely the most dismal display of insecure, patriarchy-approved masculinity I have ever seen. The Butch Bakery is the sad, testerical endgame in defining masculinity in contradistinction to the feminine: What makes me a man is simply not being a woman.

[H/T to Lauredhel, via email.]