Geoengineering: a cure worse than the disease

The global warming news is grim. Just two recent headlines: Acid oceans need urgent action and Irreversible climate change due to carbon dioxide emissions. If you follow anybody's writing on the topic (e.g. mine 2005 and 2007) you know all too much about the grimness. But where we make our mistake, you and me, is assuming that once the slower people finally recognize the facts, they'll want to stop poisoning the planet.

Ha.

Now that they're finally noticing that we're headed to a hot place in a handbasket, they have a better answer. Geoengineering! We're so good at controlling planetary processes, the best thing to do is mess with them!

Here, just for kicks, are some of the bright ideas, ranging in light level from black hole to guttering-candle-in-the-darkness. (To be fair to some of the scientists involved, they're perfectly aware that the best of these are stopgaps, not solutions.)


Air pollution. No, really, there are people proposing this in all seriousness. Sulfur-based aerosols belching out of smokestacks have many nasty consequences, including acid rain for instance, but they also generate smog and cut down on how much sunlight reaches the ground. Carbon dioxide pollution has been mitigated by sulfate pollution. Since global warming is a bad problem, it's obviously a good idea to kill forests, reduce crop yields, make the ozone problems worse, and increase asthma. Also "it would change winds and precipitation as well, in ways that are not yet foreseeable. As less sunlight reached the earth’s surface, there would be less evaporation, particularly in the tropics, which would probably make rain and freshwater scarcer than they are today." If it turns out to be a disaster, there's no way to remove the sulfates from the air quickly. And the neatest thing about it? Sulfate geoengineering is "cheap enough that single actors could do it and bear the cost themselves.” No international treaties (or restraint) needed. Reducing pollution is for hippie wusses.

Seeding iron into low nutrient areas of the ocean, especially the South Pacific near Antarctica. When plants grow they take carbon out of the air to do it. Phytoplankton are tiny plants, and in some parts of the ocean the only thing holding them back is a lack of iron. Fertilize the ocean with iron and, presto, the phytoplankton grow like mad, die, and settle to the bottom taking their carbon down with them. Sounds good, until you apply a bit of common sense. This is the same process we see in a stagnant pond. Excess nutrients lead to an algal bloom which then dies and sinks to the bottom. The dead plant material is digested by microbes which use oxygen. Since there's a lot of dead stuff, there are so many microbes they use up all the dissolved oxygen in the water. That means everything else in there dies. This is not good. Just because the ocean is a big place does not make the problem smaller. Furthermore, calculations show that until you turn lots of ocean into a scum pond, it doesn't capture enough carbon to make a dent. And it is not reversible.

Space-based solar screen 1. The first version involves lofting millions of small spacecraft that would form a sun shield swarm. Unlike the previous two ideas, this one could, technically speaking, work. A thorough review of the feasibility of various geoengineering methods published by a group at the University of East Anglia has the numbers. (Link is to a popular summary. Abstract with link to (for pay) original.) It would take around 135,000 launches per year for years to loft the required number of satellites. That's about 15 per hour, one every four minutes. It couldn't be done by conventional rockets because the pollution would cause more problems than they solve. Electromagnetic rail guns firing more or less continuously would be needed, and, obviously, that technology hasn't been used outside of small-scale lab projects. It uses a lot of power. If the power production generates carbon, it becomes a three steps forward, two back type of thing.

And then, there's this small problem: "Any interruption in the particle deployment (if, for example, we fell behind on the 135,000 space launches per year required to maintain an effective sunshade) would unleash extremely rapid warming."

We don't know much about how plants will react to the change in light. That includes the oceans' phytoplankton which generate over half the world's oxygen.

On the plus side, this method could be reversible if each little spacecraft could self-destruct on command.

Price tag: around 3 to 5 trillion dollars.

Space-based solar screen 2. In this version, silicon particles are lofted into the upper stratosphere. As Benford (yes, the physicist who also write science fiction) says:
[Tiny particles of diatomaceous earth] about 80,000 feet up in the stratosphere [are]. . . . chemically inert, cheap as earth, and readily crushable to the size we want. . . . This could initially be tested over the Arctic, where . . . atmospheric circulation patterns would mostly confine the deployed particles around the North Pole. . . . . The fact that such an experiment is reversible is just as important as the fact that it's regional. . . . "Applying these technologies in the Arctic zone or even over the whole planet would be so cheap that many private parties could do it on their own. . . . You could do this for a hundred million bucks a year. You could do the whole planet for a couple of billion. That's amazingly cheap."
I'm not sure how they plan to get the rocks up there -- and these are rocks although individually they're very small rocks. Rocks are heavy. They must not be planning on using rockets or aircraft, because the pollution would be huge and the cost high. But it sure would take an awful lot of balloons. I'm also not convinced that cheap is good (see Option 1 above). On the plus side, if enough silicon is up there, it is capable of creating noticeable cooling.

Small scale methods that don't work. Albedo is the term for earth's reflectivity. There are many ways to increase albedo besides putting silicon in the stratosphere. Unfortunately, the easy ones, like painting roofs and parking lots white, don't cover enough area so they can't make a dent in global warming. Another current favorite is biochar. Biomass burned at high temperatures, say in a power plant, creates charcoal which is then buried, taking its carbon out of the atmosphere. A fine idea, but the East Anglia people did the calculations for any practical amount of biomass processing and concluded it couldn't make a difference. (Biochar may be useful in other contexts, just not to abate global warming.)

(Before anyone suggests nuclear power as a solution, please solve all these problems first. Just a sampling: uranium is finite resource and practical stocks would run out in less than a century; radioactive pollution in mining, use, and disposal, even with the potential for new accelerated waste processing; impractically long lead time even with a super-fast construction schedule; and -- for all that -- an inability to generate more than a small fraction of the power needed.)

Increasing marine albedo This is another idea, together with the one to float tiny rocks, that might be worth trying, but, again, ONLY as an assist to transition to rational energy production. Understanding it requires a bit of background. Salt spray in the oceans rises together with water evaporating. Marine clouds formed this way cover about 25% of the oceans. As the cloud droplets evaporate, the salt crystals remain and reflect more light than plain water.

The idea is to use automated ships to spray seawater using solar and wind power and therefore increase the amount of salt spray evaporating into the atmosphere. The numbers indicate it could noticeably affect warming. And it's reversible assuming that the ships are biodegradable. Like all the methods, it has its unknowns and downsides.
[The sprayers are] mounted on an unmanned, satellite-guided sailing ship. More specifically, the vessel would be a Flettner ship, which has tall, spinning cylinders that resemble smokestacks but act as sails, generating lift because one side is moving with the wind and the other side against it.

In Salter’s concept, turbines spun by water moving past the ship would generate the electricity to keep the cylinders spinning and also to spray seawater out the stacks in 0.8-micron droplets. Salter and Latham estimate that 1,500 ships, each spraying eight gallons a second—and each costing $2 million, for a total of $3 billion—could offset the global warming caused by a doubling of CO2. Half the job could be done, according to modeling results from the Met Office Hadley Center for Climate Prediction and Research in Exeter, England, by deploying ships over just 4 percent of the ocean.

Still, no one has modeled how evenly the cooling would spread around the planet. “You could end up with a polka-dotted world, where there are really cold places and really hot places,” Battisti says. Another concern is drought downwind of the spray vessels; clouds made of many small droplets last longer, which is desirable in a sunshade, but they also produce less rain.


The biggest problem with fixes isn't even that people will use them as an excuse to keep making the problem worse. ("What, me, worry? We'll just toss some iron at the South Pole!") The biggest problem is applying a fix, getting used to it, and then having it fail. We'd get sudden, extreme warming, which is the only thing worse than our current gradual warming.

The sad thing is really that it's all perseverance worthy of a better cause. As one of the scientists himself says,
It would “require such a Herculean effort, that maybe it’s easier to build wind turbines and solar power plants [and implement efficiency]."


Crossposted to Acid Test.
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Open Wide...

Peggy Noonan, in all seriousness

If there is one thing Peggy Noonan believes in, it's seriousness.

May 1992

William F. Buckley Jr., an architect of the movement and one of its authentic heroes, is castigated as a narrow-minded excluder; he, in turn, eases into a pair of tuxedo slippers to tap out editorials damaging the Presidential campaign or the most rightward of the serious candidates in the 1992 race. Pat Buchanan.



Aug. 1992

The Democrats ceded seriousness to sentiment at their convention. But seriousness is your salvation. It means that if you win, you win with meaning, if you lose, you lose with class. The first gives you a mandate, the second adds heft to your historical reputation.

Oct. 1995
[Ronald Reagan] knew what he thought and why he thought it. He had thought it through, was a conservative for serious philosophical reasons, had read his Hayek and his Friedman, knew exactly why “that government governs best that governs least.

April 1996
So often the most festive events Christmas, New Year’s, even the birth of a baby—trigger a letdown rather than a lift. I blame some of this on the Happiness Cult. It replaced the Seriousness Cult, which ended about the year 1900.

Dec. 1998
I don’t recall anyone who works for him ever granting any decency or right spirit to the other side. I can’t recall one of them saying, “I understand the serious issues involved, I understand there are decent people on the other side who feel that important principles must be upheld here, I respect their views, but mine are different.” Instead it was all the smirking snarl, the snarling smirk, all “You’re partisan!,” “You’re far-right haters” leading a “right-wing putsch.”

Nov. 1998
We must take the time to do some things. We must press government officials to face the big, terrible thing. They know it could happen tomorrow; they just haven’t focused on it because there’s no Armageddon constituency. We should press for more from our foreign intelligence and our defense systems, and press local, state, and federal leaders to become more serious about civil defense and emergency management.

June 1999
Harold Ickes, abused in the past by the Clintons, has what appears to be battered-wife syndrome—I can’t leave, he needs me!- -but is a serious ideologue who makes serious use of derived power.

Sept. 1999
I helped Steve Forbes with a speech in '95, and worked on one with George Pataki in '98. That's it for politicians, but here's a surprise for you: In many ways they seem better, I mean more serious and thoughtful, than businessmen.Maybe that's not a surprise for you, but it was to me.

Feb. 2000
(John McCain) has captured your imagination. This may get serious. ...

And suddenly you realize one of the biggest reasons you couldn’t get serious about the Boss’s Son is that your parents wanted you to!

June 2000
What’s a fella to do? Come straight out swinging, with an opening statement that acknowledges with respect Clinton’s well-earned reputation for toughness. And acknowledge that toughness is appropriate, for politics is a serious and meaningful business that can make the lives of our people better, or worse.

Sept. 2000
You (George W. Bush) have to demonstrate once again on national television what you show on the stump: that you have the heft and height to be president, that you’re big enough for the job, that you’re a serious man familiar with the facts of government and governance.

Sept. 2000
George W. Bush was of course once famous for his charm. And Dick Cheney didn’t need charm, so full of heft, seriousness, experience and wisdom was he. ...

Mr. Reagan was charming on the stump, where his speeches and comments were big and serious and marked by humor and modesty. ...

Republicans are still capable of seriousness and substance leavened by sweetness and charm on the stump of course, but they’re no match on Oprah and Conan and Dave and Jay.

Sept. 2000
The Democratic operative Paul Begala has a book called “Is Our Children Learning?” that offers not a serious case for Gore or against Bush, or even a passionate one, but that simply asserts that Mr. Bush is a dullard. Democrats have learned the past eight years that you don’t have to make a serious case for or against; all you have to do is change the focus of the argument and heighten it. ...

The Dan Quayle problem isn’t Mr. Bush’s great challenge. He doesn’t have to prove his intelligence. He’s obviously bright, he has had two successful terms as governor. But he needs to show solidity. He needs to show that he’s got a strong and even keel, that he is serious about policy because it grows from philosophy that grows from experience.

Sept. 2000
Men who talk like that aren’t stupid; men who talk like that are big, and serious, and right.

Oct. 2000
For the first time in years millions of Americans saw two political men who were in bearing, seriousness, sophistication and thoughtfulness like the public servants of old, or rather the public servants you respected when you were a kid ...

Why do I think Mr. Cheney won? Because he was consistently the more compelling because the more ingenuous figure. Because he was a surprise. I knew and know he is a serious and thoughtful man ...

I also see a coming debate, a big one, in conservative circles, over whether the Bush campaign should, as the Democratic strategist Pat Caddell and others, including me, have urged, do a big and serious speech about the meaning of the trampling of law and lowering of dignity in the past eight years.

Nov. 2000
You’re in danger. What you do or fail to do now could conceivably change the outcome Tuesday. So breathe deep, get serious and don’t get stubborn. ...

Today or tomorrow, give a serious thoughtful speech about the scandal. ...

Don’t let this story, and the ones that will follow, knock you out. Let it help you connect and be serious with all the other imperfect Americans.

Nov. 2000
So I thank principled and honest nonvoters, and hope that when we vote a lot of us think of you and say, “Thank you, modest people for not diluting my serious and thought-through vote. I will try to make the one I cast worthy of your generosity.”

Dec. 2000
Mr. Clinton now is sleek and sure, but that’s not how he started. He had to work at it. So does Mr. Bush. Everyone who supports him wants him to devote time now to working seriously and with commitment at the particular demands of the public presentation of the presidency.

Jan. 2001
Moreover [George W. Bush] has opened his staff not to talented and obscure young people but to the gifted and established—serious talents already proven in their fields. This suggests several important things. That this White House and president will take the written word seriously, and approach it, and writers, with due respect.

March 2001
On some new level and in some new way George W. Bush burrowed into the presidency Tuesday night. Like him or not, he is a man to be taken seriously.

March 2001
But now I think that it has completely changed. Republicans—well, not Republicans but conservatives—care passionately about the world of ideas, and about history. They write books. And Democrats seem to care about money, and they don’t write books, not serious ones. ...

There was John Podhoretz’s bright and lively “Hell of a Ride” and a few serious and scholarly tomes that came along in the early ‘90s. ...

One hopes for a serious book from a former State Department or Pentagon appointee or staffer about the making of policy in the Clinton administration, about the forces that collided and yielded this decision or that, this governing philosophy or that lack of one. ...

As for the Bush people now newly installed in their White House offices, the good news is that so many of them are serious people, and several of them are writers, more than capable of creating classics that are a contribution to understanding our times. ...

A friend who works for Mr. Bush and is a gifted writer mentioned the problem to me some time back, and we agreed that it was serious.

April 2001
Mr. Bush’s staff strikes me as something new and unusual, maybe the best White House staff since . . . well, I’m not sure. Bill Clinton’s staff ultimately reflected his nature: young, immature, not serious. ...

LBJ’s was talent-heavy, sophisticated and serious, but its White House was another victim of history. ...

One hopes this seriousness—and literal soulfulness—will continue. If it does it could yield greatness. So far it has yielded a good beginning.

Feb. 2002
Those of us who lived in and feel we understood the age of Ronald Reagan have a great responsibility: to explain and tell and communicate who he was and what he did and how he did it and why. Where he came from and what it meant that he came from there. What it meant, for instance, that he came from the political left, was trained in it, and then left it—for serious reasons, reasons as serious as life gets.

May 2002
[George W. Bush] is about to demonstrate the seriousness of his leadership by signing an arms agreement with the Russians that reflects the end of old enmity and the beginning of alliance; and that the signing itself shows his desire for and ability to achieve a safer world.

June 2002
I hope the CDC’s advisory board isn’t consciously or unconsciously thinking this way. One hopes they’re being serious, respectful, and thinking imaginatively.

June 2002

If Mr. Bush is serious about security—and he is—he should pick Mr. Giuliani. Who even comes with an easy nickname—“The Jewel.” Give the Jewel the crown.


Aug. 2002

[Joe Lieberman is] having fun and being serious at the same time. He’s keeping the spotlight, he’s investigating Enron and helping to fashion a Homeland Security Department, and he’s demonstrating to party leaders that he isn’t a creampuff, he knows how to be aggressive on the issues. By taking on Mr. Gore, he elevates himself from Beta Man to possible Alpha Man. Good work for a slow summer.

Sept. 2002
The Democrats on Capitol Hill have so far failed to mount a principled, coherent opposition. I am not shocked by this, are you? One senses they are looking at the whole question merely as a matter of popular positioning: Will they like me if I say take out Saddam? Will they get mad at me if we try to take him out and it's a disaster? Will they like me if I say there's no reason to go to war? Have I focus-grouped this? Such unseriousness is potentially deeply destructive. It is certainly irresponsible.

Sept. 2002
But it was Mr. Annan’s gravity, his moral seriousness, that provided a platform for the words of the visiting American president. ...

Do I think he “made the case” for U.S. action against Iraq? I think he made a first and serious one but not the final one; I think his words and approach showed an appropriate respect for the opinion of mankind; I think more will, and should, follow.

Nov. 2002
[Norm]Coleman seemed to present himself not as radical or right wing or extreme but as a serious man who has and will work across party lines.

Nov. 2002
There’s only one candidate who can probably beat Mrs. Clinton at this point, and that is Gov. Pataki. ... I wrote a speech with him once, a few years ago, and, though I could not call myself a friend, I did see him enough to know that he is intelligent and serious. These are good things in a candidate.

Dec. 2002
If the Democrats all too often treat race as if it were a card to be played in a game, and if the Republicans in contrast attempt to struggle through the issue and be serious and go out of their way to expunge the last vestiges of the old racial ways, isn’t that something we should be proud of? History is watching. It will know what we did. What will history think if it sees a new seriousness on race from the Republican Party? I think it will say: Good. And I think that matters.

Feb. 2003
Ike and the rest showed support because they were fully mature and serious. ...

Does Mr. Clinton talk about Iraq and Osama so much because he is trying to hide in plain sight his own failures? He had eight years to get serious about them. He punted and dodged.

March 2003
The American victory will mean that the United States has removed a great and serious threat to the innocent people of the world. An evil man who was gathering to himself weapons of mass destruction was, is, a danger to the world. And so, with the successful prosecution of the war, the world will be safer.

March 2003
If George W. Bush begins to seriously compromise conservative political philosophy, or to behave in a manner grossly offensive in a leader, they will turn on him too. ...

You have grown profoundly unserious. ...

The modern Democratic Party is unserious in other ways. In the 1950s and ‘60s the party included many obviously earnest and thoughtful liberals who supported goals that were in line with and expressions of serious beliefs. ...

The Republican Party still manages to cohere around principles that are essentially clear and essentially conservative. The Democrats are not cohering. They are held together by a gritty talent for political process—message discipline, for instance. But what good is message discipline if there’s no serious and coherent message?

June 2003
A number of thoughts and observations in this book became Officially Accepted Truths of the event and its aftermath, and were, to the best of my knowledge, said here for the first time. “God Is Back” spoke of the resurgence of religious feeling on the mean streets, “Welcome Back, Duke” celebrated the return of a certain kind of manhood, and “Courage Under Fire” attempted to make New York’s firemen more nationally celebrated and understood. I feared early on that what they did was not getting serious enough attention in the country.

Nov. 2003
[G]et coldly serious: Arm the pilots, fortify cockpits, man flights with marshals and profile passengers.

Jan. 2004
Another is that democracy is best served by excellent presidential nominees duking it out region to region in a hard-fought campaign that seriously raises the pressing issues of the day. ...

They need to be in a serious fight before they fight seriously. ...

Howard Dean’s rise is about two things. The first is the war. Most of the other serious Democratic candidates were reasonable about it, if you will. Dean didn’t bother to be reasonable, or to appear reasonable: Bush is a bum and his war is a fraud. ...

He looked silly. He looked unserious. Mr. Dean is going to look that way, too.

I hope something surprising happens in Iowa, and New Hampshire, and in the South. I hope it becomes a real fight on the Democratic side, and I hope that fight yields up someone who is serious, substantive, and thoughtful. But that’s not what I see coming. What I see coming is a Dean nomination followed by a rancorous campaign followed by a Dean defeat.

March 2004
John Kerry certainly looks like a president—the thick steel-wool hair, the Lincolnian planes and shadows of his face. He is tall and slim and seems serious. ...

The good news about Mr. Kerry, and I mean this seriously, is he does not appear to be insane.


Dec. 2004

Similarly [Hillary Clinton] will take no serious part in telling her party how to turn itself around. She will keep her wisdom to herself. ...

There will be serious drawbacks and problems with her candidacy.


Jan. 2005

If I were a Democrat right now I would think big and get serious. ...

Don’t do “sound bites for blue heads in Dade County,” be serious. ...

Hold a big public party meeting on taxes and spending. I am serious. ...

Homeland security can always be improved, and immigration will only grow as a fact and an issue. Get serious. ...

On all of these points they can be truly competitive. If they choose to get serious.

Feb. 2005
I always get the feeling with John Paul that if he could narrow down who he meets and blesses to those he likes best it would not be cardinals, princes or congressmen but nuns from obscure convents and Down syndrome children. Especially the latter. Because they have suffered, and because in some serious and amazing way they understand more than most people.

March 2005
Can a Republican beat [Hillary Clinton]? Sure. She’ll have to make mistakes, and she will. And he (it will be a he; it’s not Condi, because the presidency is not an entry-level political office) will have to be someone who stands for big, serious and solidly conservative things

March 2005
So politically this is a struggle between many serious people who really mean it and one, just one, strange-o. And the few bearded and depressed-looking academics he’s drawn to his side


April 2005

The choosing of Benedict XVI, a man who is serious, deep and brave, is a gift. He has many enemies. They imagine themselves courageous and oppressed. What they are is agitated, aggressive, and well-connected.

June 2, 2005
Ben Stein is angry but not incorrect: What Mr. Felt helped produce was a weakened president who was a serious president at a serious time.

June 23, 2005
He compulsively chases women and is politically popular if unserious; she makes money, networks and burnishes their movement credentials. She knows of his philandering and looks the other way. They achieve the presidency and come in time to be seen as main-chancing Ivy League grifters.

June 2005
Maybe a lot of them aren’t bothering to think. Maybe Ruth Bader Ginsburg is no longer in the habit of listening to arguments but only of watching William Rehnquist, and if he nods up and down she knows to vote “no,” and if he shakes his head she knows to vote “yes.” That might explain some of the lack of seriousness in the decisions. ...

What are they doing? All this hair splitting, this dithering, this cutting and pasting—all this lack of serious and defining principle. All this vanity.

Aug. 2005
Imagine that there are already 100 serious terror cells in the U.S., two per state.

Oct. 2005
[Harriet Mier's] nobility makes her attackers look bad. She’s better than they, more loyal and serious. An excellent moment of sacrifice and revenge. ...

As for Ed Gillespie and his famous charge of sexism and elitism, I don’t think serious conservatives believe Ed is up nights pondering whiffs and emanations of class tension and gender bias in modern America.


Sept. 2005

A lot of Bush supporters assumed the president would get serious about spending in his second term. With the highway bill he showed we misread his intentions. ...

The Democrats right now remind me of what the veteran political strategist David Garth told me about politicians. He was a veteran of many campaigns and many campaigners. I asked him if most or many of the politicians he’d worked with had serious and defining political beliefs. ...

Of the $100 billion that may be spent on New Orleans, let’s be serious. We love Louisiana and feel for Louisiana, but we all know what Louisiana is, a very human state with rather particular flaws. ...

But conservatives also understood “compassionate conservatism” to be a form of the philosophy that is serious about the higher effectiveness of faith-based approaches to healing poverty—you spend prudently not to maintain the status quo, and not to avoid criticism, but to actually make things better. ...

And shouldn’t the Bush administration seriously address these questions, share more of their thinking, assumptions and philosophy?

Oct. 2005
In 1986, George W. Bush reached a crisis point in his life and changed what wasn’t working. He dug deep and got serious.

Oct. 2005
The president would have been politically better served by what Pat Buchanan called a bench-clearing brawl. A fractious and sparring base would have come together arm in arm to fight for something all believe in: the beginning of the end of command-and-control liberalism on the U.S. Supreme Court. Senate Democrats, forced to confront a serious and principled conservative of known stature, would have damaged themselves in the fight. If in the end President Bush lost, he’d lose while advancing a cause that is right and doing serious damage to the other side. ...

Robert Bork, serious thinker and mature concluder, became bork, living verb. Or rather living past-tense verb.

Nov. 2005
This column, and the world, have been very serious lately.

Nov. 2005
Actually conservatives have quieted down in spite of the myriad issues on which they disagree with the president—spending, the growth of the federal government, immigration—for reasons having to do with a certain maturity and seriousness. ...

As for Judge Alito, he appears to be a serious man with a nice mother from a good place (Trenton, N.J.).

Nov. 2005
I have a view on what Washington itself should do. It should get serious. We have men and women in the field, on the ground, putting themselves in harm’s way for us, for our country, for our system, for the way we do things and what we are in history. They deserve—they require and have earned—our gravest sincerity and seriousness. ...

This is not a mere domestic political battle. We need a serious presentation, one not weighed down with slogans.

Feb. 2006
How will a sane, stable, serious Democrat get the nomination in 2008 when these are the activists to whom the appeal must be made?

Republicans have crazies. All parties do. But in the case of the Democrats—the leader of their party, after all, is the unhinged Howard Dean—the lunatics seem increasingly to be taking over the long-term health-care facility. Great parties die this way, or show that they are dying.

April 2006
To criticize the White House—if the criticism is serious, well-grounded and well-meant—is helpful, and part of a long and good tradition.

April 2006
[T]he history recounted in “Cobra II,” and the testimony of Gen. Zinni, suggests a lot of generals—a lot—were against the war in the run-up, for reasons that were many and serious. If this is correct it begs questions: Did they feel they could not speak? Why? What dynamics went into the decision? Or did they speak and we didn’t hear, or didn’t weigh what was said seriously enough?

May 2006
I happen, as most adults do, to feel a general ambivalence toward the death penalty. But I know why it exists. It is the expression of a certitude, of a shared national conviction, about the value of a human life. It says the deliberate and planned taking of a human life is so serious, such a wound to justice, such a tearing at the human fabric, that there is only one price that is justly paid for it, and that is the forfeiting of the life of the perpetrator. It is society’s way of saying that murder is serious, dreadfully serious, the most serious of all human transgressions.

June 2006
In the past, Republican leaders in Washington bowed either symbolically or practically to the presumed moral leadership and cleanness of vision of the people back home. They understood the base wanted tax cuts and spending cuts, and for serious reasons. ...

Sept. 2006
If the Democrats seek to speak for America, why not start with a serious and textured response, one that isn’t a political blast-back but a high-minded putting forward of facts? This would take guts, and farsightedness. Rebutting a wild-eyed man (Hugo Chavez) who says you can find redemption reading Noam Chomsky is a little too much like rebutting a part of your base.

Jan. 2007
But Mr. Hagel said the most serious thing that has been said in Congress in a long time. This is what we’re here for. This is why we’re here, to decide, to think it through and take a stand, and if we can’t do that, why don’t we just leave and give someone else a chance?

Jan. 2007
The Democrats of Capitol Hill will fill that one. And they seem—and seemed in their statements after the president’s speech—wholly unprepared to fill it, wholly unserious in their thoughts and approach. ...

Right now, in the deepest levels of the American government, intelligence and military planners should be ordered to draw up serious plans for an American withdrawal, and serious strategies for dealing with the realities withdrawal will bring.

Jan. 2007
Serious and textured thoughts are, here, overdue.

March 2007
Reagan’s meaning cannot be forgotten. But where does it get you if it’s 1885, and Republicans are pulling their hair out saying, “Oh no, we’re not doing well. We could win if only we had a Lincoln, but they shot him 20 years ago!” That’s not how serious people talk, and it’s not how serious people think.

March 2007
In New York, in the Second Gilded Age, the age of the thousand-dollar pizza, wealthy Democrats, when they entertain, seem careful not to have things too physically perfect. It might suggest they’re unserious, that their thoughts are not always focused on the oppressed. Wealthy Republicans, on the other hand, will go all out to make it lovely. “The oppressed? I make jobs for them!” As for being thought unserious, one senses it does not trouble them. They made money in the world; they correctly apprehended the lay of the land and moved. That serious enough for you? ...

Loyalty has nothing to do with it, not if you’re serious.

April 2007
My larger point, however, is that [McCain] sounded like a serious man addressing a serious issue in a serious way. This makes him at the moment stand out.

May 2007
Rudy Giuliani has to make himself serious ... All the candidates save one, the obscure but intellectually serious Ron Paul ...

May 2007

[Fred Thompson's] relatively late entry suggests—suggests—his motives are serious, not just ego-related.
May 2007
Nicolas Sarkozy attempted to be the first serious conservative president in generations.

June 2007
Now conservatives and Republicans are going to have to win back their party. They are going to have to break from those who have already broken from them. This will require courage, serious thinking and an ability to do what psychologists used to call letting go. This will be painful, but it’s time. It’s more than time.

Aug. 2007
For all their harrumphing about the crucial role they play in democracy (and it is crucial) and the seriousness of their professional intent (and it is sometimes serious), the mainstream media is full of the cattiest human beings in history with the exception of the vast political consulting/advising class of Washington, i.e., the gargoyles with BlackBerrys in the back of the SUV, whose job is not only to help their guy but hurt the other guy.

Oct. 2007
Who, of all the powerful women in American politics right now, has inspired the unease, dismay and frank dislike that she has? Condi Rice, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein? These are serious women who are making crucial decisions about our national life every day.

Hillary’s problem is not that she’s a woman; it’s that unlike these women ...

Jan. 2008
I believe that some of the ferocity of the pundit wars is due to a certain amount of self-censorship. It’s not in human nature to enjoy self-censorship. The truth will out, like steam from a kettle. It hurts to say something you supported didn’t work. I would know. But I would say of these men (why, in the continuing age of Bill Clinton, does the emoting come from the men?) who are fighting one another as they resist naming the cause for the fight: Sack up, get serious, define. That’s the way to help.

March 2008
Where Mr. McCain’s friend says, “be disciplined,” I’d say, “Get serious.”

April 2008
Timing is everything. “Too late to get serious,” I wrote in my notes. For before this, Mrs. Clinton’s campaign was all dreary recitation of talking points, rote applause lines followed by rote applause.

May 2008
Mr. Bush has squandered the hard-built paternity of 40 years. But so has the party, and so have its leaders. If they had pushed away for serious reasons, they could have separated the party's fortunes from the president's. This would have left a painfully broken party, but they wouldn't be left with a ruined "brand," as they all say, speaking the language of marketing. And they speak that language because they are marketers, not thinkers. Not serious about policy. Not serious about ideas. And not serious about leadership, only followership.

May 2008
What’s needed now? More memoirs, more data, more information, more testimony. More serious books, like Doug Feith’s. More “this is what I saw” and “this is what is true.” Feed history.

June 2008
John McCain has already got what he wanted, he got what he needed, which was to be top dog in the Republican Party, the party that had abused him in 2000 and cast him aside. They all bow to him now, and he doesn’t need anything else. He doesn’t need the presidency. He got what he wanted. So now he can coast. This is, in the deepest way, unserious.

Aug. 2008
Sam Nunn is that rare thing, a serious man whom all see as a serious man.

Oct. 2008
Shoes that are comfortable — I’m serious, shoes that are comfortable are a gift.

Nov. 2008
We must become more serious in the way we practice our politics, more equal to the moment.

Dec. 2008
But it comes at a key moment for Mr. Obama, because it gives him a certain amount of cover to be serious about what needs to be done. What's at stake for him is two words. When Republicans say, in coming years, "At least Bush kept us safe," Democrats will not want tacked onto the end of that sentence, "unlike Obama."

Jan. 2009
The party-line vote in favor of the stimulus package could have been more, could have produced not only a more promising bill but marked the beginning of something new, not a postpartisan era (there will never be such a thing and never should be; the parties exist to fight through great political questions) but a more bipartisan one forced by crisis and marked by—well, let's call it seriousness.

Feb. 7, 2009
Republicans shocked themselves by being serious, and then they startled themselves by being unified. But it was their seriousness that was most important: They didn't know they were! They hadn't been in years!


"I'm big on the word seriousness," Noonan told Tavis Smiley last year while hawking her very serious book. Indeed she is, even if she has obviously never had the vaguest clue what the word even means.

--WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

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The Reality of Amendment 2

Christianists and homophobes in Florida said that passing Amendment 2 last November was necessary to protect families: "This amendment protects marriage as the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife and provides that no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized." Well, for one family, that mindset has caused enough pain and negligence to prompt a lawsuit against a hospital in Miami that refused to grant visitation rights to a dying woman's partner.

As her partner of 17 years slipped into a coma, Janice Langbehn pleaded with doctors and anyone who would listen to let her into the woman's hospital room.

Eight anguishing hours passed before Langbehn would be allowed into Jackson Memorial Hospital's Ryder Trauma Center. By then, she could only say her final farewell as a priest performed the last rites on 39-year-old Lisa Marie Pond.

Jackson staffers advised Langbehn that she could not see Pond earlier because the hospital's visitation policy in cases of emergency was limited to immediate family and spouses -- not partners. In Florida, same-sex marriages or partnerships are not recognized. On Friday, two years after her partner's death, Langbehn and her attorneys were in federal court, claiming emotional distress and negligence in a suit they filed last June.

Jackson attorneys filed a motion to dismiss the case on grounds that the hospital has no obligation to allow patients' visitors.
The hospital's reasoning -- they're doing people a favor by letting anyone in to see someone in the hospital -- is cruel and inhuman on its face, and it's made even worse because they wouldn't recognize the legal documents that Ms. Langbehn had to prove that she was Ms. Pond's legal guardian.

The conservatives and the fundamentalists like to imagine a nice gauzy world of Disneyland and Ozzie and Harriet, where the families are all made up of mommies and daddies and the kids are all gee-whiz cute and golly-gee happy and the Baby Jesus gurgles with joy at all the hetero-normality. But even straight families don't all fall into the "traditional" mold, and for every lesbian couple that worries about whether or not their personal life will suddenly be the subject of scrutiny by the absolute strangers at a hospital, there's a man and a woman living together who have the same basic question: will they let me in to be there when my partner needs me?

You can dress it up and call it "preserving the family," but its intent was clear: Amendment 2 was meant to keep the LGBT community from attaining equal rights as citizens in the state of Florida. It passed, and the homophobes rejoiced because they struck a blow for life, liberty, and the suppression of icky sex, since they are incapable of separating the idea of being gay and getting laid. But in tossing this grenade of hetero-wholesomeness into the state constitution, they fragged their own, too, because now the state doesn't have to recognize any relationship outside of one man, one woman, a white picket fence, and 2.5 children.

Let's see what happens when an unmarried couple who happen to be straight shows up at the hospital and is denied visitation rights. Will the Christianists take up their cause?

Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.

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House Party with Nancy Pelosi


Don't bother knocking if the house is a rocking. Nancy Pelosi plays house DJ and don't want no edits on her stimulus mix. Not from Repubs, not from the Senate. In the Senate three Repubs and "moderate" Democrats support "a pared down bill." That ensures its passage there. Good to know three Repubs and "moderate" Dems are in charge. Because what we need is moderate action. What's not so funny is how formerly jam it in your face partisan Republicans now counsel "moderation."

I hear you knocking, but you can't come in. There is much wailing about how Republicans have been shut out of the bill process here. Republicans who were quick to mortgage the future for our children's children's children for Iraq and tax cuts are now so very concerned about mortgaging the future for things that benefit um children.

Oh, dear. Red States goes code red, in a red rage "Not only do Reid and Pelosi have no interest in heeding Obama’s lofty call to work across the aisle with the GOP but they want to crush the GOP without mercy." Sob on, SOBs.

It's my party, you can cry if you want to . . .

The Heretik

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Jessica and Kate

Submitted sans comment, two of the world's most well-known women on birth and bodies:

Jessica Alba

In the story, Alba describes workouts so horrible and strenuous, they made her cry.

Another trial she endured for beauty's sake? “I wore a girdle," she says. "Eight weeks after my girlfriend had her baby, you could see her six-pack. She told me to put an elastic band around my waist—any kind of band or girdle works. She was like, 'I slept in it.' I didn’t recover as fast as she did. I [still] don’t have a six-pack.”


Kate Winslett
"I've decided I am going to start loving my backside," she told "Nightline" co-anchor Cynthia McFadden. "I don't know anyone who does that, you know? And for my daughter I want to be able to say to her, I love this, I love this, look, my belly does this because I had you guys and this is what happens to breasts when you nurse two children."

--WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

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The Virtual Pub Is Open



TFIF, Shakers!

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

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Pondering the withdrawal method...

Crossposted from AngryBlackBitch.com.

Shall we?

President Obama admitted that he “screwed up” in pursuing the nomination of Tom Daschle to Health Secretary after Daschle’s tax drama erupted into a festering mess of drama in the press and on the Hill.

Daschle has withdrawn from consideration, along with Nancy Killefer who was on track to become the first White House performance officer.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Most people know that the Obama administration has one of the toughest applications out there…so detailed that the detailing made news all on its own. And this bitch remembers wondering who the fuck could make it through to the interview much less the nomination hearing-based advise and consent shit.

So ‘tis important to note that these recent incidents of withdrawal are likely not due to a failure of the screening process…which was intense as a motherfucker…but are more likely due to some break-down in the evaluation phase.

You know, the period between screening and before hearings where the administration decides whether a candidate’s fuck ups are terminal or treatable.

Cough.

And that brings a bitch to the withdrawal method and how that shit isn’t a wise prevention choice.

The withdrawal method may work once or twice but each time you use it you increase the odds that the next time you…um, withdraw…cough…may result in a lasting scandal-based drama that won’t just go away with the next news cycle.

This bitch hopes that Team Obama has learned a lesson here – that one should use the protection they are carrying (i.e., the motherfucking screening process and criteria associated with it).

Because not knowing about a candidates skeletons is one thing but knowing and deciding to throw caution to the wind...not once or twice but at least three times...is guaranteed to feed the ‘when will he fuck up, please let me be the one to break that story, Lawd I hope it’s a big one too’ beast that haunts every administration and sure as shit haunts this one.

And a bitch is pretty sure the Obama administration burned through their get out of tax-based trouble involving a nominee jail free card with Geithner.

Sigh.

This bitch is wondering why the fuck the IRS isn’t taking heat for this shit too…since we the people are broke as hell and they the agency have just been outed for leaving some serious cash on table and walking away.

Mayhap a Wall Street/Federal government personal income tax review should be added to the stimulus plan…

…’cause Lawd knows the IRS don’t play nice with the masses living on Main Street.

But that’d be too much like right…right?

Wince.

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ARGH

I swear to Jebus, if I hear one more fucking Republican whinge about "pork" in the stimulus package, I'm going to go on a five state killing spree.

After we lost six hundred fucking thousand jobs last month (and these Republican ghouls insist we shouldn't worry about helping too quickly,) another scalpel is taken to the stimulus plan. And where are the cuts happening, friends and neighbors?

Total Reductions: $80 billion

Eliminations:

Head Start, Education for the Disadvantaged, School improvement, Child Nutrition, Firefighters, Transportation Security Administration, Coast Guard, Prisons, COPS Hiring, Violence Against Women, NASA, NSF, Western Area Power Administration, CDC, Food Stamps

*****************************

Reductions:

Public Transit $3.4 billion, School Construction $60 billion
Because the last thing people need when they're out of work is education, nutrition for their children, transportation assistance, and fucking food stamps.

Republicans would rather let people starve than give up their tax cuts.

The next time someone complains about the cost of this package, tell them that. Republicans would rather let people starve than give up their tax cuts.

They're plenty happy to give more money to defense, though.
Increases:

Defense operations and procurement, STAG Grants, Brownfields, Additional transportation funding
But hey, at least you can still beat the shit out of women, huh?

Republicans would rather let people starve than give up their tax cuts.

Republicans would rather subject women to abuse than give up their tax cuts.

Republicans would rather deprive the disadvantaged of education than give up their tax cuts.

Why the hell are they allowing Republicans to do any of this?

I fucking despair. I really do.

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Quote of the Day


"The Republicans [leading the country the last eight years] almost killed me. …I try to be charitable and there are some really good Republicans, but I just don't understand how anyone would want to be a Republican. I just can't figure it. I don't understand. If you're poor, if you're any kind of minority—gay, black, Latino, anything. If you're not a rich—I don't know. If you're not a rich born-again Christian, I don't get it."—Cher, who should consider going on a national tour to movie-smack every Republican across the face and tell them to "Snap out of it!"

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Thoughts As I Watch C-SPAN

Baby Jesus Butt PlugI need to try harder to lower my standards. I am never petulant or nasty enough. My gaiety from this morning wanes.

The Senate debates the Stimulus/Big Package Bill.

Senator David Vitter is on the Senate floor babbling about ACORN. He is pissed because there is no diaper funding in the stimulus bill.

How do I watch this crap all the time?

THEY ARE ALL BORING AS FUCK! I can't wait for the "final accomplishment."

"Order of business. We have to figure out the order of business."

How about they all take their color-coded, partisan butt plugs out of their asses and stop daydreaming of the 2010/12 elections?

Senator Graham can keep his though. He would be lost without it.

I have to change channels.

Listening to these old white guys throw around indiscriminate figures like they are all mathematician accountants with a PHD in "gotta help the common man" makes me want to pour a drink, take a xanax, and book a flight to Switzerland.

Is it Five O' Clock yet?

(Cross-posted)

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Daily Kitteh


"The box is mine!"


"The box is mine!"


"The box is mine."



"And I'm closing myself in it and you'll never get me out! NEVAR!"

That box has been sitting on the floor next to my desk for about three days. It is officially The Greatest Box in the History of the Multiverse. Battles have been waged over this box. Fur has flown. This box is the boxiest box of all boxes, and if you don't agree, you're a big doodyheaded Two-Legs.

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Shouldn't What's Best for Your Uterus Really Be Left to a Man to Decide?

Of course it should! And so much the better if hilarity—and dare I guess romance?!—ensue:

Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman have signed on to star in the fertility-themed comedy "The Baster" for Mandate Pictures.

Will Speck and Josh Gordon, who previously teamed for the comedy "Blades of Glory," will helm "The Baster" from a screenplay by Allan Loeb ("21"). Film is based on Jeffrey Eugenides' short story "Baster," which was first published in The New Yorker.

"The Baster" centers on a neurotic and insecure man (Bateman) who finds out his best friend (Aniston) wants to have a child through artificial insemination. He surreptitiously replaces her donor's semen with his own and is then forced to live with the secret that he is the child's real father.
Poor guy—having to live with such a terrible secret. Well, at least he isn't burdened by having committed a criminal betrayal of his best friend's trust, treating her like a child, deciding he knows better than she what's best for her, violating her body, and lying to her about it.

Because that would be sad for him.

I'm frankly shocked that Eugenides, who wrote Middlesex with such grace, would have authored something that appears so deeply anti-feminist, but indeed he did.* Still, I'm sure the material will be treated with a delicate touch, directed by the people who brought us the emotionally intricate Will Ferrell vehicle Blades of Glory. Surely the flagrant violation of a woman's trust and body won't be played for laughs—despite the film being a comedy and all.

Hopefully, if The Baster is a success, the same team can get the rights to the Eluana Englaro story. That's a zany romp just begging for a big-screen treatment…with Roberto Benigni as the kooky impregnating prime minister!

I despair for the world some days. I really do.

-----------------------------

* I tried purchasing the archive to read the story, so I could find out what attempt was made, if any, to justify the loathsome sperm-switcharoo—e.g. "she knew all along!" which actually would still be deeply problematic for various reasons—but the site was giving me guff and, after several attempts, I gave up. If anyone's got a subscription to The New Yorker and can send me a copy, I'd be ever so obliged. And I'll happily admit I was wrong if there is some acceptable rationale, which I cannot begin to imagine, for a story centered around a man attempting to impregnate a woman without her explicit consent.

UPDATE: Well, I've just read it.

A friend who works in a library was kind enough to send me a copy of the story. It's even more dismal than I imagined: The story itself is…difficult. It's written from the first-person perspective of the sperm-switcher, who draws the picture of the woman using every horrible clichĂ© about older women and/or women who are desperate to get pregnant (e.g. "Everyone knows that men objectify women. But none of our sizing up of breasts and legs can compare with the cold-blooded calculation of a woman in the market for semen."). The narrator is a horrible person, who does a horrible thing. It is a dark story; it ends merely with his satisfaction that he impregnated her—and the only remorse he feels is that he will not know his child.

The story itself is problematic on two fronts: It has a bit of the Deathbed Confession Cinema problem, in that we are meant to laugh at the caricature of the desperate wannabe-mama, until we are, suddenly, brutally sorrowful that she has been hoodwinked without her knowledge. It also has a bit of the "Stop Rape. Say Yes" problem, in that the story could be read as an MRA manifesto without a trace of irony, the narrator's grim and desperate act seen as just retribution—a man's triumph over the unwitting bitch who aborted his child years before.

I found the story quite triggering, to be frank. And I cannot begin to imagine how it could be made into a romantic comedy, or any kind of comedy at all.

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Maybe Just Cut Away the Useless Bits and Leave the Babymaking Parts

Because there just aren't enough ways already of treating women's bodies as public property, Italy is currently entangled in its own Terri Schiavo-style farce over the fate of Eluana Englaro, a comatose woman who has been in a vegetative state since a car accident in 1992 left her with irreversible brain damage.

Her father, who says that she once expressed a clear wish for extraordinary measures not be taken to keep her alive in such a condition, has been fighting for years to have her feeding tube removed—and had won the right to refuse treatment on her behalf, until the Italian government adopted an emergency decree today that could prevent doctors from removing the tube, thereby extending Englaro's life.

Totally aside from the rightness or wrongness of the government's intervention (and, in case you couldn't guess my position, I think it stinks), there was this rather stunning rationale for the decision proffered by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (last seen treating rape as a compliment):

"I will do everything I can to save her life," Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said at a news conference after the Council of Ministers adopted the decree. "Eluana is alive, and she could have children."
Technically, that's true. Eluana Englaro's body is likely capable of having children. But Eluana Englaro is not able to consent to sex, nor to being artificially inseminated, nor to any other means by which she could conceivably get pregnant. Yet the Italian Prime Minister nonetheless asserts that there's some possibility "she could have children."

And wholly aside from that despicable bit of hostility toward the concept of consent, there is the equally contemptible implication that the value of a woman's life is measured in toto by her reproductive abilities. Sure, Englaro can't think, or communicate, or do anything resembling the conscious act of living a life, but as long as her comatose body can still be a breeding machine, that's good enough!

Always remember, ladiez: Our brains may be negligible, but our uteri are indispensable.

We are all at our essence Disembodied Things.

[H/T to Shaker AM.]

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Huzzah!

Willard's gonna save us.

And don't worry, Shakers. It might look like he's advocating exactly the same policies that brought us to the economic brink in the first place; sure, it may look like he's just regurgitating the same old tired Republican ideas that have repeatedly been proven not to work; yes, he is a classic douchehound of epic proportions—but Willard knows what's best for us.

It's actually because he's so smart that he didn't even win his own party's primary in the race for the White House, no less get anywhere close to the presidency. Trust him.

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Learn to Cathoogle

I just learned from a coworker of the existence of Cathoogle (formerly Catholic Google), a Google-powered search engines that touts itself as "The best way for good Catholics to surf the web." It employs Google's "safe search technology" to constrain search results.

My first, juvenile impulse was to look up something smutty, but in the interest of topicality I instead looked up "holocaust denial." The results are heavily screened, pulled from the likes of Catholic Culture, American Catholic, the Catholic Register, so on and on. (Though the Christian Science Monitor snuck in there somehow; oops!)

Then I Cathoogled my own name, and found the many of the listings I'd expect from non-denominational Google.

Then I had a thought. I Cathoogled Liss' name. The result:


Melissa McEwan was a bad request at Cathoogle! Malformed! Illegal, even! Hilarity!

Or maybe not. I had entered her name as a search term in quotes, a normal Google convention for filtering out false or unwanted results. I tried it again without the quotes and - awwww - there were results for her after all. Again, the majority came from the aforementioned Catholic sources (including the fun-loving Catholic League), but also included were some listings from AlterNet, Comment is Free, Majikthise, and Shakesville itself.

When I had looked up my own name earlier, I must have not used quotes, otherwise the same "bad request" error message would have come up.

So! Liss is not bad, malformed, or illegal! Er, yay?

Having sinned against Cathoogle, I must now do penance. Thre Hail Marys ought to do it...except that not being Catholic, I'm not sure how to go about it.

It should be noted that when it seemed as though Cathoogle had rendered Liss a non-person, her response was not anger or indignation, but loud laughter.

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Hard Times



598,000 jobs lost in January and "Despite the jobless number, Wall Street opened strongly with all three major exchanges up more than 1.5 percent." We are all in this together. But some of us are more in it than others.No need to rush things along. None at all.

The Heretik

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Friday Blogaround

These posts are making me JIZZ! IN! MY PANTS!

Jess: Pamela Izevbekhai

Dave: Al Gore is Creating Another Hitler Youth, Glenn Beck Feverishly Warns

Leigh: Stop with the Scapegoating and the Victim Blaming

Marcella: Rape Allegedly Used in Iraq to Get Victims to Be Suicide Bombers

Melissa: Skin, Starring Sophie Okonedo

Latoya: Miley Cyrus Thinks It's Cool to Mock Asians

Leave your links in comments...

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Impossibly Beautiful

I'm pretty sure that Isla Fisher (star of the upcoming crapfest Confessions of a Shopaholic) is a mermaid—because that is the only thing that explains her ability to move the lower half of her torso to one side while keeping the upper half of her torso and shoulders perfectly straight:


[Click to embiggen.]

Or Photoshop. But I'm going with mermaid.

Shaker InfamousQBert sent this in with the note: "Is it just me, or have they done bizarre things to Isla Fischer's torso and arm? …I don't understand what's going on with her waist/boob area at all." It's not just you, IQB.

Fisher is, by any reasonable standard, a thin and attractive woman. But evidently neither thin nor attractive enough for InStyle magazine, who have clearly thinned her waist to impossible proportions. And even if they were not the inconceivably ridiculous proportions of a Barbie doll, they are nonetheless not Isla Fisher's proportions:


At left is Fisher three weeks ago at the Golden Globes, and at right is Fisher last night at the premiere of her new film. Even in a form-fitting dress at a major event, or in a dress designed to flatter an hourglass shape as much as possible, her body simply does not look like it does on that magazine cover.

I would ask why InStyle feels the need to create a body for Isla Fisher that she does not have, when her real body is the one in which she became a much-discussed ingénue and the one in which she became popular and stylish enough to arrive on the cover of their magazine in the first place, except I already know why.

In a better world, these magazines would come with a public health warning.

[Impossibly Beautiful: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five.]

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Don't Divorce Us

Major blub warning, Shakers. I just watched this video (sent in by Shaker Joe, who hat tips Crooks and Liars), and I seriously sobbed. I honestly do not understand how any person can watch this video and not find their heart broken into a nonillion pieces at the thought of these families being torn apart.

It really underlines what enormous privileges security and privacy are—the knowledge that you are the only people who can fuck up your relationship. This is something I know a little bit about myself, and it is excruciating, unbearably frightening, to have the fate of your relationship in other people's hands. There's no legitimate reason why the people in this video should be denied the security and privacy opposite-sex couples are allowed to enjoy. None.

Support marriage equality in California. And everywhere!

Don't Divorce Us




Tell the Supreme Court to invalidate Prop 8, reject Ken Starr's case, and let loving, committed couples marry.

Donate to the fight here.

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Kafka du Jour


From the Yeah, But If You're Not Doing Anything Wrong Department (British Regiment): "The steady expansion of the "surveillance society" risks undermining fundamental freedoms including the right to privacy, according to a House of Lords report published today."

Really this is all for your safety: "Britain leads the world in the use of CCTV, with an estimated 4m cameras, and in building a national DNA database, with more than 7% of the population already logged compared with 0.5% in the America."

Don't worry. We're watching. Look for more Kafka du Jour. Over your shoulder. Thank you.

The Heretik

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Big Package Update

Krugman: On the Edge: "A not-so-funny thing happened on the way to economic recovery. Over the last two weeks, what should have been a deadly serious debate about how to save an economy in desperate straits turned, instead, into hackneyed political theater, with Republicans spouting all the old clichés about wasteful government spending and the wonders of tax cuts."

Support For Stimulus Falls: "Slightly more than half the country approves of President Obama's $800 billion-plus stimulus package, a new CBS News poll finds. But support for the bill has fallen 12 points since January, and nearly half of those surveyed do not believe it will shorten the recession."

Obama Starts to Get Testy (GOOD!): "A fired-up Barack Obama ditched his TelePrompter to rally House Democrats and rip Republican opponents of his recovery package Thursday night – at one point openly mocking the GOP for failing to follow through on promises of bipartisanship."

In what was the most pointedly partisan speech of his young presidency, Obama rejected Republican arguments that massive spending in the $819 billion stimulus bill that passed the House should be replaced by a new round of massive tax cuts.

"I welcome this debate, but we are not going to get relief by turning back to the same policies that for the last eight years doubled the national debt and threw our economy into a tailspin," said President Obama – sounding more like Candidate Obama than at any time since he took the oath of office less than a month ago.

Obama, speaking to about 200 House Democrats at their annual retreat at the Kingsmill Resort and Spa, dismissed Republican attacks against the massive spending in the stimulus.

"What do you think a stimulus is?" Obama asked incredulously. "It's spending — that's the whole point! Seriously."

Stabbing hard at Republicans who once aligned themselves with his predecessor, Obama made it clear that the problems he seeks to address with his recovery plan weren't ones of his making.

"When you start hearing arguments, on the cable chatter, just understand a couple of things," he said. "No. 1, when they say, 'Well, why are we spending $800 billion [when] we’ve got this huge deficit?' – first of all, I found this deficit when I showed up, No. 1.

"I found this national debt, doubled, wrapped in a big bow waiting for me as I stepped into the Oval Office."

After his remarks, Obama, clearly caught up in the moment, made the party get-together feel even more like a campaign rally with his signature call-and-response chant.

"Fired up?" he asked the Democratic lawmakers. "Ready to go!" a group of them shouted back.
Let's hope it isn't too little too late. Never should have given them an inch in the first place.

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

The Red Hand Gang



I had such a crush on Matthew Laborteaux when I was a kid.

Mostly from Little House on the Prairie.

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Read These Now Because I Feel Gay

It is Friday. I awoke gay, in the traditional sense, despite the various technological mayhem I experienced this week. I do not want to ruin it. I require links about anything other than politics or the economy. I want to remain sprightly for at least a couple of hours.

Battlestar Galactica cocktails.

"Caprica, the highly anticipated prequel to Battlestar Galactica, will premiere exclusively on DVD on April 21 from Universal Studios Home Entertainment, SCI FI Channel announced." (Sci-Fi)

The unfortunate trailer for the Donnie Darko Sequel.

1946 ad for Pyrex.

By Aeroplane to Pygmyland

A Koala in a Heatwave.

Ruffs, Ribbons, Collars, and Cravats: A Brief History of Neckwear as Illustrated by the Rosenbach Collection of Portrait Miniatures.

Torchwood: Children of Earth Trailer



The world's most expensive concert hall has just opened in Copenhagen. But will it be the last hurrah for classical music venues before the recession bites?" (Telegraph)

Andrei Tarkovsky's film Stalker. "Geoff Dyer hunts down the meaning of a film so demanding that it may even have claimed the life of its director."

Just After the Big Bang, a Star Factory Went Gangbusters. (Discover)

Brain Goes Into 'Screen Saver' Mode In Absence of Stimulus.

Five New Pygmy Seahorse Species Found. (NG)

A duvet cover features the "periodic table of the elements."

Etta James Prepares to Go 'Full Bale' On Beyoncé, Obama. (Defamer)

Threesome in a Publix Parking lot. (Dlisted)

Elaborate Bacon: Piece in Heart, Fragrance in Mouth. (Elyse Sewell)

(Cross-posted at Petulant Rumblings)

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