I Write Letters

Dear Experts at the University of Leeds:

Thank you, from the bottom of my cleavage, for dedicating yourselves to the important scientific pursuit of discerning the precisely right amount of skin I should show as a lady—40%—in order to find that balance which unmistakably conveys I'm horny and available but totes not a slut.

I'm also absolutely thrilled to finally be armed with the invaluable knowledge that "the most popular women [at nightclubs] combined the 40 per cent rule with tight clothing and provocative dancing."

Now I can finally ditch boring old Iain who fell in love with me (and I with him) across 4,000 miles via long and winding conversations about compelling topics, without the slightest regard for what I was wearing, and shake my perfect percentage-clad booty to pick up a dude at a nightclub.

Keep up the good work!

Love,
Liss

cc. Fannie

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