Assvertising

Following on the heels of yesterday's thread about a craptastical jewelry advert, here's another one I loathe with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns (thanks to Shaker Erin W for locating video for me):
[Man who has apparently just been shopping and returned to his car sets down Jared Jewelers bag on passenger seat. The camera cuts to the navigation system on his dashboard.]

Navigation System Speaking in Female Voice: Navigation System activated. Oh, look—he went to Jared.

Man: [looking around confusedly] Excuse me?

NS: What's in the bag, Dave?

Man: A…diamond necklace…? [He leans in and looks at the navigation system, as if investigating for a hidden camera.]

NS: May I see it?

Man: [laughing] Uh, can I just get directions, please? Heh heh.

NS: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

[His face falls; the doors lock on the car and he looks around frantically.]

Female Voiceover: [over images of diamond jewelry] The Hearts Desire Collection at Jared uses only ideal-cut diamonds to best see the diamonds' true inner fire.

Man: [camera from perspective of navigation system] Now can we go?

NS: Oh, Dave. [cut to image of him putting diamond necklace around navigation system] You shouldn't have.

Voiceover: Jared—the galleria of jewelry.
IIRC, in the version I actually saw on television, there's another two seconds or so that show Dave driving away, as if to make clear that the lady navigation system is doing her job now that she's been given a diamond necklace. You know—just like how Dave's wife will do her chores once he gives her a diamond necklace.

Special disgusto points to Jared for the door-locking scene, because women are totes rabbit-boiling psycho bitchez when they don't get what they want, amirite?

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One, Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three, Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five, Sixty-Six, Sixty-Seven, Sixty-Eight, Sixty-Nine, Seventy, Seventy-One, Seventy-Two, Seventy-Three, Seventy-Four, Seventy-Five, Seventy-Six, Seventy-Seven, Seventy-Eight, Seventy-Nine, Eighty, Eighty-One, Eighty-Two, Eighty-Three, Eighty-Four, Eighty-Five, Eighty-Six, Eighty-Seven, Eighty-Eight.]

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