Two Dudes and a Webcam!

In comments of my post about the tragic end of "Mouthpiece Theater," Shaker John Cain linked to this parody, which is absolutely, hilariously spot-on. I did a transcript for those who can't view/hear the video, which is below.

[Two dudes in bathrobes holding beers try to figure out if camera is on, then settle in to start the show.]

Dude #1: Hi! Welcome to the Washington Post!

Voiceover: Two Dudes and a Webcam! From Washington Post dot com. Journalism didn't work out; we'll try this instead.

Dude #2: Welcome back to the Dan Froomkin Memorial Studio. We're two dudes and a webcam.

Dude #1: What happens when the spirit of viral video meets journalism?

Dude #2: I'll tell ya what happens: Trenchant hilariousness! Did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face, you've got cancer?

Dude #1: I did not know that. [puts hand in front of face]

Dude #2: Yeah! [smacks Dude #1's hand into his face in a familiar grade-school gag] Ha ha ha! You just got POSTED!

[They make rock'n'roll hand gestures; text on screen: You've been Post'd!]


Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. Are we viral yet? Please say we're viral.

Dude #1: That's right. We're going through the major political figures of the day and we're finding out who's doing a'ight and who's gettin' the post!

Dude #2: We're gettin' all up in their face, journalistic-style!

Dude #1: First up for the WaPost comedy treatment: Senator Byrd.

Dude #2: OLD!

Dude #1: If Senator Byrd were a whiskey, he'd be Old Grand-Dad.

Dude #2: What up, Byrd? You just got POSTED!

[They make rock'n'roll hand gestures and stick out their tongues and scream; text on screen: You've been Post'd!]

Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. Desperately trying to figure out what the internet wants from us since 2008.

Dude #1: Next up: Dennis Kucinich.

Dude #2: SHORT!

Dude #1: Short! Dude is short!

Dude #2: You know, if he were a famous jazz saxophonist and composer, he'd be Wayne Shorter.

[They high five.]

Dude #1: Posted!

Dude #2: Oww!

Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. No, we're not terribly ashamed of what we've become. Why?

Dude #1: And Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State.

Dude #2: What a bitch!

[They both fake-laugh uproariously, then start scream-laughing, then just screaming. Dude #1 spins in his chair. Dude #2 starts acting like an ape. Dude #1 starts chowing down on a raw piece of meat. Dude #2 starts swilling beer and spitting it out. Dude #1 manically rubs his face on the seat of his chair. Dude #2 mimics an ape grabbing its own shit and throwing it. Cut to picture of the Washington Post building. Cut back to dudes, who look emotionally spent.]

Dude #1: God, that was brilliant. No context—just putting it out there. In your face, Clinton!

Dude #2: Yeah, that was so insightful and trenchant I think beer shot out my nose.

Dude #1: Trenchant as hell, man.

Dude #2: Mm. [sighs contentedly]

Dude #1: Join us next week when we analyze international relations by comparing emergent refugee populations to Jack Black movies and different types of weed.

Dude #2: The Post isn't stuffy anymore.

Dude #1: Come visit our online chat, where you can find David Ignatius on World of Warcraft. He's a level 60 paladin!

Voiceover: Two dudes and a webcam! From Washington Post dot com. Inadvertently revealing the dark heart of our dying industry, two minutes at a time.