All right, you collection of tree-hugging limousine liberals, pinko Commies, dope fiends, queerbaits, ladyboys, fat chicks, feminazi castrators, and assorted freaks: Let me explain to you dumbasses why a man and his truck is a beautiful thing.

1. Duh.

2. My truck don't give me no lip. Unlike some ugly hat-wearing, closet lesbo, man-hating bigmouths around here I could mention, my truck never says dumb shit like "misogyny" and "patriarchy" and other words that hairy-legged vagatarians learn at fancypants liberal universities.

3. I've got a Scarface Air Freshener in that puppy that makes it smell like a goddamn motel bathroom. Ain't nothing more beautiful than a clean motel bathroom, amirite?

4. When I'm on the open road, with the windows down and the breeze coming in and blowing through my hair, I look like Ponch from "CHiPs." If this isn't a perfect specimen of unsullied manbeauty, then I don't know what the hell is.

5. You fuckers can kiss my ass.

Pornstache: Out.