Time to Get a Quarter Slot Installed, Ladies

The ideal Prager marriage
[Trigger warning] Why? Because Dennis Prager has completed his Magnum Dopus, "When A Woman Isn't In The Mood," and needless to say, he still views women as slot machines. As you might recall, Part I of this epic was bad enough, but Prager manages to top himself with the follow-up, numbered and divided into E-Z To Unnerstand "eight reasons for a woman not to allow not being in the mood for sex to determine whether she denies her husband sex." (What a tortured sentence. Bravo, Dennis.) I really don't have the time or energy to give this the line-by-line rabbit punch that it deserves, but I would like to highlight a few "classics."

Nestled within his second "reason" is this gem:

What if your husband woke up one day and announced that he was not in the mood to go to work? If this happened a few times a year, any wife would have sympathy for her hardworking husband. But what if this happened as often as many wives announce that they are not in the mood to have sex?

Yes, that's right women, fucking your husband is your job; equivalent to whatever it is your husband does for a living. You were a prostitute and didn't even know it! Of course, you're not being paid, but since your husband's bringing home the bacon anyway, you'd better be prepared to screw him stupid if you want him to keep going to work every day.

Anyway, on to number four:

To many women, especially among the best educated, the notion that a woman owes her husband sex seems absurd, if not actually immoral. They have been taught that such a sense of obligation renders her “property.” Of course, the very fact that she can always say “no” -- and that this “no” must be honored -- renders the “property” argument absurd.

A bright, shiny new quarter to the first one that can make the slightest bit of sense out of that bucket of fucking nonsense. So, you can say no, but you shouldn't. Ever. That is, if you know what's good for you. Or something. But don't even think that you should feel like "property," even if you're kept at home for the sole purpose of being a sex object... that would be absurd! Oh, and if you disagree, you mustn't be intelligent or educated, or you'd realize that your husband deserves a little bouncy bouncy upon demand!

Going on to my, ahem, "favorite," number seven:

Many contemporary women have an almost exclusively romantic notion of sex: It should always be mutually desired and equally satisfying or one should not engage in it. Therefore, if a couple engages in sexual relations when he wants it and she does not, the act is “dehumanizing” and “mechanical.” Now, ideally, every time a husband and wife have sex, they would equally desire it and equally enjoy it. But, given the different sexual natures of men and women, this cannot always be the case.

Yes, mutually desired sex is a "romantic notion." It doesn't actually exist, mind, it just floats around in the same area of the female brain that contains Harlequin romance plots, images of unicorns running over rainbows, and the gene that requires enjoyment of "chick flicks."

You really have to "love" how he completely dismisses the idea of dehumanizing women when coercing or forcing them into "having sex" (otherwise known as rape, a word that Prager apparently has never heard) with his cutsey use of quotation marks. You can almost see him using his fingers.

According to Dennis Prager, being the equivalent of a Fleshlight isn't dehumanizing at all.

It's your duty.

And, finally, the big lesson. Number eight:

Act happy no matter what your mood and you will feel happier. Act loving and you will feel more loving. Act religious, no matter how deep your religious doubts, and you will feel more religious. Act generous even if you have a selfish nature, and you will end with a more a generous nature.

Act like you enjoy being raped, and you will enjoy being raped.

I suppose I could have simply written- "Shorter Dennis Prager: Men are Baboons, Women are Fuckholes," but frankly, that puts me a little too close to his mindset. Ugh.

I don't know what's worse, that Prager exists, or that so many are apparently eager to agree with him.