Read These Now or Ten Thousand Suns Will Ignite Tutu-Cocksey

"The fiery passion of ten thousand suns" scorched the Earth proclaiming a new Lizard King. John McCain with sidekicks Cindy Loo, Screecherman, and Tutu-Cocksey gallop across America spreading the necessity of Geritol, Vicodin, dual allegiances, and the need to clean closets. (Courant) (WP)



In another land, the Rhetorical King sheds a few tears, gathers his composure, and hops on the gravy train. (Obama08) (USAToday)



In YET another land, the Undying Queen relishes the new acquisition of proportional fiefdoms and hops on the gravy train in her private rail car. (NY) (AP)

In other news:

The United States cuts aid to Bosnian Serb ruling party. (Reuters)

Army Lt. Gen Ray Odierno says that Iran is the biggest threat to Iraq. (Reuters)

Airborne is a crock of shit. (CNN)

"An Israeli researcher is claiming in a study published this week the prophet (Moses) may have been stoned when he set the Ten Commandments in stone. According to Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, psychedelic drugs formed an integral part of the religious rites of Israelites in biblical times." (Guardian)

Björk shouts "Tibet! Tibet!" during a performance of the song "Declare Independence" in Shanghai. (Video)

Eating snow is bad for children. (AP)

Americans will be pretty dammit! Give us cosmetic surgery or give us death! (EarthTimes)

I know all of you are going to shell out 500 bucks for the "Dried Foods in China to 2011" data book. If I didn't have to spend that money on Botox to remain PRETTY in America, I would be inputing the credit card digits.

Surprise Orgasms Baffle Women Undergoing New Infertility Treatment

Stop & Shop recalls prepared chicken with the delicious flavoring agent LISTERIA. (Reuters)

John Barrowman will play Robin Hood in this year's pantomime. (Playbill)