News from Shakes Manor

[Over dinner…]

Mr. Shakes: What Loost character dae ye think yer moost like?

Liss: Umm…Hurley.

Mr. S: Hurley?! Yer noothing like Hurley! Why Hurley?

Liss: Uh, because he tries to make the best of things and he says "dude" a lot. And we're both fat.

Mr. S: Aaaaand that's where the similarity ends.

Liss: Also he knows that hope and joy are important to daily survival, not just frivolous things.

Mr. S: Woow, yer practically twins!

Liss: Well, who else would I be?

Mr. S: Yer soo Jack it's noot even foony.

Liss: Jack?! I'm not Jack! Why am I Jack?

Mr. S: Because yer a natural leader. People always toorn tae ye in times oof crisis because yer clever and dependable. They gravitate tooward ye.

Liss: But that makes me uncomfortable. I'm always worried about letting people down.

Mr. S: Just like Jack.

Liss: I'd be very reluctant to assume the responsibility for people's lives when I wasn't sure what I was doing.

Mr. S: Just like Jack.

Liss: I'm not Jack!

Mr. S: Ye walk amoong oos, boot ye are noot oone oof oos.

Liss: Shut up! No one likes Jack!

Mr. S: I like Jack. Ye like Jack, too. He's a good person. And he's complex and interesting, the moore ye get tae knoo him.

Liss: No one else likes him!

Mr. S: Yes they dae!

Liss: He's an emotional juggernaut who tries to hold shit in and then it comes pouring out anyway. He's a big crybaby.

Mr. S: Same as ye are, bloobs.

Liss: I don't want to be Jack!

Mr. S: Too bad. Ye tootally are.

Liss: I'm not.

Mr. S: Ye are.

Liss: Not!

Mr. S: Are. Knoo hoo ye can tell yer Jack? Because oonly a Jack coold be a tootal Jack and noot want tae be Jack.

Liss: Wev! Who are you, then?

Mr. S: Dinnae. Charlie, maybe?

Liss: Charlie? What are you smoking? You can't even sing.

Mr. S: Who then? I want tae be Sawyer.

Liss: You might want to be Sawyer, but you're totally Desmond, brootha.

Mr. S: Desmoond?

Liss: Yeah. Because he's kind of old-fashioned in that he feels like he has to achieve certain things in his life to be a good man.

Mr. S: That's true.

Liss: He was always worries that he had he be more, do more, provide more—worries that he isn't enough for Penny as a starving artist, even though she totally loves him unconditionally. You always worry about stuff like that.

Mr. S: Aye.

Liss: And you're both whiskey drinkers!

Mr. S: Yeah, I suppoose yer right. But Desmoond's nicer than I am. I'd dae anything to soorvive. Moore like Juliet.

Liss: Dude, when they blew the hatch, he ran out of there like a bat out of hell. He didn't give a fuck if they ever pushed that button again.

Mr. S: Ha! True enoogh!

Liss: And anyway, if you started having visions that the little English rock star was 'goona die,' you'd save him, too.

Mr. S: I'd think aboot it, cheeky.

Liss: You’d totally do it. You're so Desmond.

Mr. S: All right, I guess I am Desmoond. Goo figure I'd be the Scootish blooke.

Liss: Yeah, what a stretch.

Mr. S: I want to be Sawyer, though.

Liss: Ha.

Mr. S: Who dae ye want tae be?

Liss: Hurley.

Mr. S: Ye want tae be Hurley—boot ye are Jack.

Liss: I'm not Jack.

Mr. S: Ye are. Jack with wee apple cheeks.

[Screenshots via Rachel.]