With today's news that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is resigning, there's one question that's on everyone's lips: Who is Alberto Gonzales?

After all, how can we be expected to remember whether or not we've ever heard Alberto Gonzales testify? I mean, it's entirely possible that he claimed not to be able to remember basic facts, like what prompted him to fire seven U.S. attorneys, or why his testimony seemed to range from incoherent to perjurious. But I mean, that happened months ago. Who can be expected to remember things like that?

No, if Alberto Gonzales exists, and we're not 100 percent sure if he does, but assuming that he might, his legacy could possibly be that memory is a slippery and imperfect thing, especially when the memories in question involve serious issues of executive branch interference in the Department of Justice. That's if If Gonzales exists, and I didn't say that he did.

I can see you're getting confused, so let me try to clarify things with an example. Let's say you have a watermelon, and it's got it has seeds in it. Suddenly, a truck backs up, and the chicken gets loose.

I'm sorry, I can't write any more of that metaphor due to executive privilege.

I only wish I could remember more about Alberto Gonzales. I have a vague recollection that he may have been merely a sycophantic toady for President Bush, more Bush's personal lawyer than an independent attorney general. And I seem to recall a conversation in which there was discussion that Gonzales, while White House counsel, traveled to the sickbed of then-Attorney General John Ashcroft to try to wrangle authorization to spy on Americans. But I could be thinking of a different program, or a different Alberto Gonzales, or indeed, an entirely different universe where up is down, black is white, and George W. Bush is competent. I really couldn't say at this time.

In conclusion, I can understand the quizzical looks you're giving me. Understand that I would gladly share more memories of Alberto Gonzales, if only I could remember them. But like sands through the hourglass, the memory of Gonzales is already spiraling away, leaving us only with the vague memory of dissembling, incompetent testimony before the Senate, and a sense that somebody was hiding something. But I'm really not at liberty to write any more today, so I must simply leave it at that.

(Cross-posted from Minnesota Monitor)