Newt the Craptacular

This guy is a real piece of work.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said Wednesday that Democratic sex scandals have been far worse than the suggestive Internet messages sent to teenage congressional pages by former Rep. Mark Foley.

You know what? Let’s say that’s true, for shits and grins. Let’s say that Democratic sex scandals have been far worse than Pagegate. So fucking what? By Gingrich’s logic, we shouldn’t have been all that concerned about Jeffrey Dahmer because he only killed and ate 17 people, since Andrei Chikatilo killed and cannibalized 52. Anyone want to go along with that ethical paradigm?

And, mind you, this is the knob-end who brought us the Contract With America, which promised to “transform the way Congress works” and “be the beginning of a Congress that respects the values and shares the faith of the American family.” The GOP cruised to victory in 1994 on a platform promising to do things differently, which wasn’t defined as “Still doing the same shit, but not as bad!”

"What we don't have to do is allow our friends on the left to lecture us on morality," Gingrich said at a party fundraiser in Greenville. "There's a certain stench of hypocrisy."

As Mr. Furious’ grandma likes to say, “You’re just smelling your own upper lip!”

The Democrats aren’t the party who has endeavored to legislate morality for the entire country based on a very narrow prescription for what make a moral life. It isn’t the Democrats who are chipping away at reproductive rights. It isn’t the Democrats who keep bringing a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage up for a vote. It isn’t the Democrats who brought the nation to a virtual standstill while they moved heaven and earth to interfere with a husband’s attempts to honor his wife’s wishes regarding a right to die. It isn’t a Democratic president who signed a veto on stem cell research. Etc. etc. etc.

Naturally, I’m not telling Gingrinch anything he doesn’t already know. He’s just attempting to save his shipwreck of a party from the condemnation it so richly deserves, but since there’s no reasonable and truthful way to do that, he’s engaging his usual shtick of dissembling, insincere obfuscation.

And for that, he gets The Shakespeare’s Sister Hairy Balls of Hypocrisy Award. Congratulations, Newt!