2 B or not 2 B

That is the question: “Education chiefs [in Britain] may turn Shakespeare into text speak so children can relate to it. The Department of Education has issued guidelines to schools to be more creative. They are even backing the scheme to take a new approach to plays by the Bard. … Sean Dickinson, headteacher of Park Community School in Havant, Hants, said: "The core issue with Shakespeare is that it's become dull."

Dull? Seriously? You know, I don’t think it’s Shakespeare who’s become dull. Anyone who can read this:

Virtue! a fig! 'tis in ourselves that we are thus or thus. Our bodies are our gardens, to the which our wills are gardeners: so that if we will plant nettles, or sow lettuce, set hyssop and weed up thyme, supply it with one gender of herbs, or distract it with many, either to have it sterile with idleness, or manured with industry, why, the power and corrigible authority of this lies in our wills. If the balance of our lives had not one scale of reason to poise another of sensuality, the blood and baseness of our natures would conduct us to most preposterous conclusions: but we have reason to cool our raging motions, our carnal stings, our unbitted lusts, whereof I take this that you call love to be a sect or scion.

Or this:

If by your art, my dearest father, you have
Put the wild waters in this roar, allay them.
The sky, it seems, would pour down stinking pitch,
But that the sea, mounting to the welkin's cheek,
Dashes the fire out. O, I have suffered
With those that I saw suffer: a brave vessel,
Who had, no doubt, some noble creature in her,
Dash'd all to pieces. O, the cry did knock
Against my very heart. Poor souls, they perish'd.
Had I been any god of power, I would
Have sunk the sea within the earth or ere
It should the good ship so have swallow'd and
The fraughting souls within her.

Or this:

Once more the ruby-coloured portal opened,
Which to his speech did honey passage yield;
Like a red morn, that ever yet betokened
Wrack to the seaman, tempest to the field,
Sorrow to shepherds, woe unto the birds,
Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds.

This ill presage advisedly she marketh.
Even as the wind is hushed before it raineth,
Or as the wolf doth grin before he barketh,
Or as the berry breaks before it staineth,
Or like the deadly bullet of a gun,
His meaning struck her ere his words begun.

…and declare, “Dull!” is, methinks, a dullard. Alas and alack—perhaps it’s time to sharpen our minds, if we cannot read Venus and Adonis and feel across our cheeks the hot flush a pointed understanding evokes.

And if it isn’t bad enough that the principle (or headteacher) is calling the Bard dull, we get this sterling critique from a 15-year-old student: "I think it's a great idea. Shakespeare is well out of date."

Yeah, fair enough. It’s not like there’s any reason to read about crooked leaders, political intrigue, death, or love anymore. How quaint.

Mind you, I’m all for finding new ways and using new technologies “to fuel expression and creativity,” but surely they should be used in conjunction with learning how to read Shakespeare the way it was written. There are the obvious benefits of connecting with history through literature and developing an appreciation for styles and language that are different from one’s own, but learning to understand Shakespeare is a challenge that helps develop the mind, that furthers one’s ability to learn. We aren’t always presented with concepts and imagery in the manner with which we’re most familiar; it’s only through learning how to learn that we become adaptable, and thusly prepare ourselves to take on board other literary fare that may be unfamiliar in its rhythms.

It’s because I learned to read Shakespeare (and Poe and Voltaire and all manner of “dull” and “out of date” masters) that I can enjoy Khayyam’s quatrains, or Akira Kurosawa’s films. I mourn for students who may sometime stumble across “Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage / And then is heard no more: it is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury/ Signifying nothing.” and think only, “That reminds me of a text message I got once…”