Photo Dump: Georgie in the Rose Garden

President Bush: All right, you press bastards. I’m done with my specifizing, so now you’kn ask me some questions. But make ’em so’s I like ’em, or there’s gonna be trouble.

Newest press corps member, Shakespeare’s Sister, who managed to snag herself a day pass after falsifying her background as a former gay hooker writing for an unaccredited online news service, is called on to ask the first question, over the sounds of loud throat clearing by Dan Bartlett, Tony Snow, and Karl Rove.

Shakespeare’s Sister: Good morning, Mr. President.

President Bush: How’s it going, Chubby McGee?

Shakespeare’s Sister: Ahh, my first day with the press corps and I’ve already got a nickname. Thank you, sir. It’s going fine. My question is about Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman’s appearance on The Daily Show last night. He said that your administration repeatedly, unapologetically, and boldly lies because of—quote—greed, cynicism, all those things—end quote. Do you agree with Mr. Mehlman that your administration is rife with greed and cynicism, or do you have another explanation as to why nothing but a steady stream of dissembling, misrepresentations, and outright falsehoods comes from members of your administration?


President Bush: Hey, hang on there, Chubs. When did we ever lie?

Shakespeare’s Sister: Well, for example, you lied about Iraq having WMDs, about links between Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, about viewing war as a last resort, about Congress having the same prewar intelligence—


President Bush: Hey, hang on a minute, heh heh, you know, presidenting is hard work—

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about how much the war would cost, about how long it would take, about our being greeted as liberators, about Social Security going bankrupt, about the safety of personal retirement accounts, about HSAs, about who most benefits from your tax cuts—


President Bush: Now just one second! Lemme finish, lemme finish!

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about your budgets, about your opponents, about dissenters, about whistleblowers, about national security concerns, about leaks—


President Bush: Come on, now. Heh heh. Where’s your proof?

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about domestic spying, about FISA not providing time for warrants, about Congress having given authority for wiretapping, about eavesdropping being necessary to thwart terrorist attacks, about the program being limited, about previous presidents having had and used the same authority—


President Bush: Who, me?

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about no one anticipating the breach of the levees in New Orleans, about the Medicare prescription drug plan, about global warming, about your own history with the Texas Air National Guard, about having a mandate, about not paying attention to polls—


President Bush: I…I…homina homina…

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about gay marriage undermining the sanctity of marriage, about the National Anthem being sung in Spanish subverting our culture, about caring about women and children, and minorities, and soldiers, and law enforcement, while you cut funding for programs and attack legislation that support them—


President Bush: Uh, once. I think I only did that once.

Shakespeare’s Sister: …about caring about this country and being interested in serving all of its people, not just those who contribute the most to your campaigns or promise to get out the vote if you hate on the same people they do—


President Bush: I’ve got just one thing to say! This press conference is over. Thank you, and God Bless America.


I think that went pretty well.