Frist has lost the plot

War? Gas prices? Inflation? Millions of Americans without healthcare? Pshaw. What we really need to be worrying about is banning gay marriage and flag burning. Now, I know what you're thinking—this is just more disingenuous, cynical rhetoric from the GOP, but Senator Bill Frist assures us, it's not. Oh—and...activist judges!!!

When you look at that flag and you tell me that right now people in this country are saying it's okay to desecrate that flag and to burn it and to not pay respect to it, is that important to our values as a people when we've got 130,000 people fighting for our freedom and liberty today? That is important. It may not be important here in Washington where people say, well, it's political posturing and all, but it's important to the heart and soul of the American people. Marriage — marriage, you asked about. Right now. Why marriage today? Marriage is for our society that union between a man and a woman, is the cornerstone of our society. It is under attack today. Right now there are 13 states who passed constitutional amendments in the last year and a half to protect marriage. Why? Because in nine states today, activist judges, unelected activist judges are tearing down state laws in nine states today.

I don't know about you, but he's certainly convinced me. Here I've been thinking with my brain all this time, when, really, I should have been listening to my heart and my soul, both of which are screaming out, "I want to join Cuba, China, and Iran—models of democracy one and all!—as the only other country to ban flag desecration!" And when they're not busy lamenting our damnable freedom, my heart and soul are definitely puking at the thought of boys kissing. I mean, at the feeling of boys kissing. My heart and soul don't think, of course! Silly.

So now I'm totally on board with Frist's priorities—except for one little thing. My brain is still a little concerned about all this, since these priorities fundamentally undermine all the conclusions to which its come during my lifetime. (If I'm honest, even my heart is feeling a little weird about ignoring the millions of Americans lacking healthcare, but whatever—if need be, I'll just remove the damn thing; it seems to work for lots of conservatives.) I think my conversion will be complete, though, if Frist can just convince me of one last thing—that he's not just high on gorilla testosterone. 'Cuz that stuff can fuck you up, dude.

(Crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)