President Bush, suffering from plummeting approval ratings and desperate to generate some positive press, has recorded a new single, called “The Decider,” which puts a zany spin on his passionate defense of embattled Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Said White House pressrobot Scott McClellan, “The president felt that, with Iraq persisting as an untenable quagmire, the domestic infrastructure in the toilet, investigations plaguing his administration, and the searing hatred of an increasing swath of the populace aimed in his general direction, it was time for some wacky hijinks.” Dion and the Belmonts, whose 1960’s hit “The Wanderer,” served as inspiration for the recording, could not be reached for comment.
Well, I’m the type of guy who will always let you down
Where Rummy critics are, well, you know my disdain will abound
I hate ‘em and ignore ‘em, ‘cause to me they’re all the same
I hate ‘em and ignore ‘em; I don’t even know their names
They call me The Decider, yeah, The Decider
I spin around around around around around…
Well, there’s Rove on my left and there’s Cheney on my right
But Condi is the girl, yeah, that I’ll be with tonight
And when she asks me which one I love the best
I tear open my shirt and I got Rummy on my chest
‘Cause I’m The Decider, yeah, The Decider
I spin around around around around around…
Oh well I spin from town to town
I go through life without a care
I sound as dopey as a clown
With my head full of iron and I’m going nowhere
I’m the type of guy that likes to spin the media
I never read a book, not even the encyclopedia
And when I find the haters a-hatin’ on my chum
I tell them no one’s better than my buddy Donny Rum
‘Cause I’m The Decider, yeah, The Decider
I spin around around around around…
‘Cause I’m The Decider, yeah, The Decider
I spin around around around around…
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